I Can’t Believe This Happened

Have you ever sat down to do ‘the work’ but then…

 

Oh, you forgot your water. 

 

Off you go to fill up your bottle.  

 

Back at your Demartini Method form, you start thinking about what you want to work on. 

 

A colleague? A friend? A leader?…’

 

Your phone beeps with a notification.     

 

You check it. It’s a message from a client. Better respond. 

 

Back to form again. 

 

Rumble. 

 

What’s that sound? 

 

Rumble. Rumble. 

 

What’s going on? Where is that sound coming from? 

 

Rumble. Rumble. Rumble.

 

Of course! It’s my belly! 

 

Better go eat. Can’t work when I’m hungry.  

 

Off to make a snack.

 

And then you’ve 30 minutes into applying the Demartini Method and you haven’t even selected the trait, action or inaction. 

 

This was me recently when I went to sit down to do the work. 

 

But what’s going on? 

 

Distraction. Yes. That’s obvious. 

 

Seeking pleasure. At times. Yes.

 

Let’s deep dive into this as I know you’ve had moments like this in your journey of applying the work. 

 

What’s the problem behind the problem?

 

  1. Afraid of shining your light in the world? Because with you light comes accountability and responsibility. And that’s scary.
  2. Worried about the changes to your life? Maybe it’s outgrowing your life, your philosophies, your friends. Maybe it means less time with your children. Not embracing the change and holding tightly onto the current experience. 
  3. Comparison with how sllllloooowww you are at doing the work compared to others. But this old chestnut isn’t something that shows up here when you’re doing the work when you do business, friendships, or life. 

 

Have you thought of this {name}… 

 

Maybe how you show up and do the Demartini Method is how you do life? 

  1. Run from it 
  2. Stay stuck 
  3. Talk about it but don’t do it
  4. Devote to it and stick at it even when it’s tough

 

Maybe all these show up in your life where you run from challenges and problems, choose to stay stuck and not move, mentally masticate but don’t take action in business and life, or devote to the things that you value, roll up your sleeves and do the hard work that it takes to grow and get your service to the world. 

 

Marriam Williamson said it perfectly ‘We are more afraid of our light than our dark.’ 

 

But a little wisdom from Abraham Lincoln “you’re not bound to succeed, you are bound to live up to the light within you.”  

 

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH 

 

Here are some Demartini Method Questions you can ask yourself.

 

  • If not now? When?

 

  • If not, who? Why not you? 



So, in those moments of distraction, when you find yourself avoiding work that could potentially change your life… 

 

Remember, Maximum Growth is here, week in, week out to hold your hand or your feet to the fire to do the inner work. 

 

And if you are scared, if you are resisting, just on the edge of that is greatness

 

It’s time to shine brightly, to step into your power, and to share your story with the world. The world needs your light, and it’s your responsibility to let it shine.

 

The journey will be worth it.

 

Tanya ‘Counsellort’ Cross

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

The Unveiling Truth: Gossip, Reflection, and Coaching

 

 

In the world of coaching, we often find ourselves peeling back the layers of our clients’ lives, seeking to uncover the mysteries that lie beneath the surface. 

 

But what about the stories that swirl around a client, or even yourself? 

 

People love talking about other people. 


Especially when they put them in a pit, to indirectly build themselves up.

 

But how do you know what they are saying is true?

 

When I first started doing ‘the work,’ there were whispers and rumours about me, lots of untruths. 

 

Maybe you can relate to the intrigue that surrounds a seemingly quiet person who chooses to form deep connections rather than share themselves with the world.

 

One day, a close friend approached me with an unsettling revelation.

 

What gossip does, it allows us to own more of ourselves. 

 

Because no matter what someone says about it is true on some level.

 

But hey, wait?! Are you confused?

 

Yes, what someone was spreading was untrue, in the form they were saying. 

 

When you find yourself at the center of that story, it’s natural to deflect, to say, “That’s not me.” 

 

BUT… here’s the thing: every trait, action, or inaction, no matter how foreign it may seem, resides within us. To deny this is to deny ourselves.

 

Understanding why people gossip is the key to unravelling the hidden truths beneath their words. Perhaps it’s jealousy, but often, it’s more complex than that. 

 

Today, let’s shine a light on the deeper reasons people engage in gossip, reasons that may help you comprehend when someone is caught in the cycle of chatter.

 

  • Anxiety: Gossip can be a way for individuals to cope with their anxieties, a distraction from their own worries.
  • Need for Emotional Connection: Some seek emotional connection and validation through gossip, feeling a sense of belonging when they share or listen to others’ stories.
  • Desire to Fit In: It’s easier to talk about someone else’s life than confront the uncomfortable aspects of our own. Gossip helps people fit in by participating in a shared narrative.
  • A Bid to Be Liked: By bringing information to the group, gossip hopes to be accepted and liked, often driven by the fear of being an outcast.
  • Jealousy: Sometimes, jealousy fuels gossip, as people try to bring others down to their level.

Now, let’s turn the spotlight inward and reflect on ourselves as coaches using some powers and adaptations of the Demartini Method to help transform your experience. 

  • What has someone gossiped about you? Take a moment to recall those rumours or stories that circulated about you. What did they reveal about your hidden traits or actions?
  • Where and when have you displayed or demonstrated the trait, action, or inaction? Reflect on times when you might have showcased the very qualities others gossiped about. This is a powerful opportunity for self-discovery.
  • What have you gossiped about someone? We’ve all been there. Consider the moments when you engaged in gossip about others.
  • What was the underlying reason for your behaviour? Explore the deeper motivations behind your gossip: was it to establish an emotional connection, fit in, be liked, deflect, or be driven by jealousy?

 

As coaches, it’s our role to seek the hidden mysteries beneath the surface issues our clients present. 

 

The next time someone approaches you with their story, remember to look beyond what’s apparent. 

 

When someone shares ‘gossip’ or talks in a ‘negative’ light about someone, then, look deeper as to their intentions.  

 

In the world of coaching, understanding the problem behind the problem what where the real magic happens. 

 

Embrace the power of introspection, and you’ll be better equipped to guide your clients on their own transformative journeys. Seek the deeper meaning, the truths concealed within, and you’ll uncover the profound insights that can lead to genuine transformation.

 

Tanya x

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

Which pattern are you?

During our recent Mindset Class, one of our members shared a common challenge they faced with a business partner. They considered their partners exceptional, particularly in sales, while they excelled in handling the systems and processes. 

 

This situation is a familiar occurrence in business partnerships – we often believe that our collaborator possesses the skills or qualities we lack. 

 

For solopreneurs, the perception of lacking specific skills or support can also arise, creating a sense of 

 

In the business world, patterns of interaction between you and your business partner, or if you are flying solo, one side you’re expressing and repressing, are referred to as “relationship patterns.” 

 

Relationship patterns are patterns of interaction that show up again and again and from a pattern. Pretty simple, hey! 

 

Recent research suggests that labelling (OMG – yes, labelling serves a purpose) and understanding these relationship patterns can hold significant value for you as a coach and business owner.

 

It not only enhances the business relationship’s health but also affects the well-being of both partners.

 

How you understand your Relationship Pattern Labeling for Businesses thoroughly examines how you and your business partners engage with each other (or with your clients if you’re a solopreneur). 

 

Once you know which label you fit under, you can know how to communicate when someone isn’t communicating with you in a way you like and understand why you might feel so challenged. 

 

Let’s delve into the 12 RPLs and identify which patterns resonate most with your business dynamic. I thought I’d give you an insight into Justin and my dynamic. (Note: If you’re a solopreneur, then there will be one part you do, and one part is missing.) 

  1. Navigator/Explorer: One partner seeks regular updates and engagement, while the other values autonomy. (Navigator – Justin / Explorer – Justin & Me )

  2. Strategist/Tactician: One partner is inclined toward long-term planning, while the other excels in tactical execution. (Strategist – Justin / Tactician – Me )

  3. Innovator/Traditionalist: Partners differ in their embracing of new ideas and methods. (Innovator – Justin & Me / Traditionalist – Justin)

  4. Risk-Taker/Cautious: One partner is inclined to take bold risks, while the other prefers a cautious approach. (Risk-Taker – Justin / Cautious – Me )

  5. Collaborator/Soloist: One partner thrives in collaborative efforts, while the other excels individually. (Collaborator – Justin / Soloist – Me )

  6. Visionary/Pragmatist: One partner envisions ambitious future goals, while the other focuses on practical steps. (Visionary – Justin & Me /Pragmatist- Justin & Me)

  7. Pioneer/Follower: One partner spearheads innovation, while the other prefers adopting proven strategies. (Pioneer – Me / Follower – Justin)

  8. Investor/Entrepreneur: Partners differ in their resource allocation preferences – one is more conservative, while the other is more daring. (Investor – Me & Justin / Entrepreneur)

  9. Specialist/Generalist: One partner excels in a particular niche, while the other has a broader skill set. (Specialist/Generalist – Me & Justin)

  10. Lead/Support: One partner takes the lead while the other provides vital support. (Lead – Me /Support – Justin)

  11. Local/Global: One partner emphasizes local market engagement, while the other pursues global opportunities. (Local  – Me & Justin / Global – Me & Justin)

  12. Traditional/Disruptive: One partner values traditional business approaches, while the other embraces disruptive changes. (Traditional / Disruptive – Me)

 

You may identify with more than one pattern. 

 

Look at an example and take the “Navigator/Explorer” relationship pattern.

Suppose you’re a life coach and often collaborate with a coaching partner, Alex. In this partnership, you play the role of the Navigator. You believe in maintaining regular contact with your clients, scheduling frequent follow-up sessions, and providing constant guidance and support. You believe this level of engagement is essential to helping clients achieve their goals.

 

On the other hand, Alex is the Explorer in your coaching partnership. They value autonomy and believe clients should have the space to explore and make decisions. They prefer a coaching style that encourages clients to lead their personal development journeys.

 

This dynamic can sometimes create tension. As the Navigator, you might feel frustrated when Alex’s coaching approach appears less involved than yours. You might think that clients need more guidance and structure, while Alex believes in allowing clients to find their own path.

 

Recognizing these distinct coaching relationship patterns is essential for successful coaching practice. 

 

Instead of conflicting coaching styles, you can leverage both Navigator and Explorer approaches when working with clients.

 

Some clients may benefit from a more hands-on, structured approach, while others may thrive with greater autonomy and self-discovery. 

 

This flexibility in coaching styles allows you to better meet your clients’ diverse needs and preferences, ultimately leading to more positive coaching outcomes.

 

In conclusion, business relationships are multifaceted. Utilizing the RPL concept can’t perfectly encapsulate your dynamic, but it can foster empathy and ultimately contribute to a more fulfilling and collaborative business journey.

 

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH 

  1. Define your (and if you have a partner, their) relationship pattern label.

  2. Identify what is missing for you, e.g., innovation, strategy, risk-taking.

  3. This is a question in the Demartini Method Patterns and dynamics offer a valuable framework for understanding your role, where your strengths lie and where you need help.

 

As John C. Maxwell, once said, “Teamwork makes the dream work.” 

 

Having a team that aligns with you will amplify your opportunities for synergy and growth. 

At Maximum Growth, we love being on your mindset team, working silently in the background with you, so you can go and deliver your service out to the world.

Have you heard of this before?

I came across this in a session this week that you want to keep in the back of your mind and that is valuable for relationships.

 

It’s called the “Phantom Ex.”

 

Have you heard of it before?

 

“Phantom Ex” is the concept where thoughts, emotions, or fantasies about a former romantic partner persist and even interfere with a current relationship. 

 

You’re still emotionally attached to your ex-partner, and it can manifest in these 5 ways. 

 

  1. Unresolved Feelings: They may have unresolved feelings, such as guilt, or regret, related to the previous relationship.

  2. Comparisons: The individual compares their current partner to their ex, often idealizing or romanticising the qualities or experiences they had with the ex-partner.

  3. Insecurity: Feelings of insecurity or inadequacy in the current relationship can arise because they believe their ex was a better match or that they could not move on from their ex.

  4. Impact on Communication: Fantasizing about the ex can lead to decreased communication and emotional intimacy in the current relationship. It can increase the frequency of arguments and disagreements. 

  5. Difficulty Moving Forward: They may struggle to fully invest in the current relationship, as their emotional energy is still tied to the past.

 

The client I was working with this week, let’s call her Jane. She is in a relationship. Let’s call him Mark, but she frequently talks about her ex-partner. 

 

She idealizes her ex, praising his sense of emotional intelligence. Whenever Mark and Jane have a disagreement, she mentions how her ex would have handled the situation better. 

 

Mark feels overshadowed by Jane’s past relationship, and this comparison creates tension in their relationship.

 

It also creates tension in Jane’s life as her life doesn’t match her desire. The phantom ex strikes. 

 

This isn’t the only time this has happened. Sometimes, single people can’t stop thinking about an ex. Even though they may have separated years or even decades ago, they still have feelings towards them and regret their breakup. 

 

These unresolved emotions make it challenging for people to fully commit to a new relationship. 

 

Buuuuuttt. If you’ve been hangin’ in these halls for a while, you’d have heard about the problem under the problem.

 

And because someone presents with a deep longing for a past relationship doesn’t mean that it is the true, deeper issue. 

Sometimes, as you dig deeper, there is a conflict between the desire for emotional closeness and intimacy and the fear that they’ll become dependent on their partner. 

 

As their mind holds onto the idea of the ex, it creates a sense of closeness and comfort, but it also avoids being vulnerable and allowing someone in.

 

Often, this can stem from childhood and the come-close-go-away experiences they had with adults who cared for them.

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH 

So what is the best pathway forward? 

 

You have to let go of the past to move into the future. 

  1. Making a list of the exes and every downside about them (think all 7 areas of life), until they are certain they don’t want to be with them anymore.

  2. Get on the path and purpose. When you are busy doing something meaningful, you are concerned if one individual of the almost 8 billion people on the planet isn’t in a relationship with you. 

 

Phantom Ex” phenomenon can be a challenging hurdle in our pursuit of meaningful relationships. While thoughts of past partners may linger, they often mask deeper emotional issues and fears. 

 

The key to moving forward is self-awareness and taking proactive steps. Letting go of the past, acknowledging unresolved feelings, and working on personal growth can pave the way for fulfilling connections in the present and future.

 

By recognizing and addressing these patterns, we can break free from the haunting grip of our “Phantom Ex” and embrace the potential for authentic relationships.

Has This Ever Happened To You?

Your enemy – they’ll tear you down at the drop of a hat, whisper to other people how shit you are as a coach or post that they see one slight weakness in your armour and bring you down. But what happens when you perceive those closest to you as your enemy?

How does that affect your mental health, mindset, and relationships?

 

Let’s face it. We live in a world where we might not have surrounded ourselves with a supportive inner circle of friends and family.

Our inner circle is meant to be a place where you can be yourself and take a breath.  

However, sometimes we find ourselves viewing the very people in this circle as adversaries who go against us. This mindset can profoundly affect our overall well-being, affecting how we do life and, of course, business.

 

When we perceive our loved ones as enemies, it can trigger a range of perceived negative emotions, such as anger, resentment, and even suspicion. 

 

Being on guard within our inner circle can lead to heightened anxiety and stress, affecting our mental health. 

 

These feelings may gradually erode our ability to trust others, leaving us feeling isolated and emotionally drained.

 

(so maybe if you’re feeling emotionally sucked dry, this is because you’re lacking the people that get you around you.)

 

So let’s coin the phrases (another one, Tanya! Yes, another one, check out last week’s new term here.) It’s the enemy’s perception.

 

The enemy perception within the inner circle often stems from past experiences or unresolved conflicts.

 

We may project our insecurities onto those closest to us, perceiving harmless actions or innocent remarks as intentional attacks. 

 

This mindset creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, distorting our perception of reality and preventing us from meaningful relationships.

 

But what happens to our relationships?

 

Our inner circle relationships can suffer greatly, drastically affecting us. And when our personal life is in shambles, it’d be difficult to show up in your business. 

 

This reminds me of our Mindset Class last week when Shaine was working on a moment. She was in a cyclone. This experience bonded her family; each time they go through a crisis, they are all there for each other. 

 

That experience may not be yours. You may feel alone and isolated, and people don’t have your back when needed. 

 

Conflict and tension erode the foundations of relationships, especially trust and intimacy.

 

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH 

Misunderstandings escalate, imagine it like bricks stacking up on each other and getting ready to topple at any moment. Meaningful connections become severed. 

So, how can we address ‘the enemy perception’ and not have them as a frenemy but as another human living their life? Here are the top two tips:

  1. Seek self-awareness and recognize that these perceptions are your filter of the world and take ownership of your thinking by asking yourself where and when have you done something the same or similar to the individual you judge.

  2. Know that your communication will be a factor in a friendship or enemy. Challenge someone enough, and they will be against you, support someone (in what is important to them) and they will stand beside you. How do you create a win/win, or support their values in a way that supports your values?

As you work through these tips and questions, you’ll notice a shift in perception and a change in others’ behaviour. You get to let your guard down with the people you love and allow them inside.

Just thinking – it’s been ages since I’ve seen you, or maybe we haven’t met in person yet. I wanted to say thank you for being part of our community and give a big squeezy virtual hug (and if you’re not a hugger – I get it, we can give each other a head nod and a wink instead).

If you’re struggling with being misunderstood and feeling alone, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reply to this email or connect with us on social media land.

 Wishing you a week filled with growth and deeper, more meaningful connections.

Unlocking My Purpose: No More Hiding

Hi {Name},

Two weeks ago, I finished 5 days of learning the Demartini Method.

You’d think, after attending a program 16 times, that you might not learn anything new, but, here we are, with the most significant learning to date. 

Let me share it with you.

I learned some refinements, which I will share in the end, but the most significant thing was how inspired I was to share my knowledge and expertise with newbies, and even the old ones returning. 

My body was alight with energy, and ideas inspired my mind. I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the opportunity to help other coaches master their craft so they can go out into the world and serve (have you ever felt this way {Name}?).

For a coach to be able to learn about finding the program under the problem is profound

EXAMPLE OF GROWTH 

In one session, the client was charged with her mum demanding she buy medicine and bring it to her. The facilitator was working on entitlement. 

I jumped into the breakout room about an hour in. As I listen, I hear that entitlement (a label anyway) isn’t the issue. The issue was her Mum hadn’t listened to her about taking medicine and wanted her to take the alternative path, and she was charged that she didn’t listen. And now the medicine was contributing to her sickness.

That’s the real charge. Because if Mum had asked her to get food as she ran out or supplements she supported, she would have done it.

Finding the problem under the problem pays. You get to the real issue faster, serve the client the most, and get deep fulfilment as a coach. 

Sessions like this allow the facilitator to open up to a new dynamic, see the layers of charges the client has, and then know, with certainty, which one to work on to get the biggest bang for their buck – wow! I feel like I’m on purpose.   

Not every day, you attend a program, and it broadens your horizons and reshapes the way you view the world.

So why is this so meaningful?

Let’s backtrack to February when Justin Wiseman joined MG. We had set out a plan to serve Business Owners and said we didn’t want to niche down any further.

As we have been building and growing, something didn’t click. It felt like we were on the highway we wanted to be on, but not the lane (if that makes sense?!)

Then, after day two, Justin and I connected on the phone, and I shared my experience of the last two days, and then I realized something I was certain about…

Let’s niche with coaches. 

Justin had been having the same thoughts the past few days.

It seems obvious, but you have to look at what your life has been demonstrating and build a business around it. 

Most people try to build it around a strategy or tactic they have been told, like Facebook, but that isn’t their thing. 

My life has shown evidence of this for the past 14 years, from team leading to managing the facilitators to training them online to building Maximum Growth, and my favourite class is the Coaches class. 

It is so difficult as a coach to niche because you have a deep desire to help. 

Let’s stop thinking that you want to help everyone because you can’t. 

Maybe, deep down, you don’t want to niche because it’ll get boring just working with one type of client, but remember, people are so diverse.  


Or maybe you think there isn’t enough work, when there is plenty when you fish in the pond (or ocean) your clients are in. 

Importance to a niche. 

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH 

Here are some questions to help you to refine your niche.

  1. What evidence has demonstrated your life as necessary when you have been coaching?
  2. What client sessions have you had where you felt most alive and aligned?
  3. What area do you feel challenged and supported in most?

If you want a third-person perspective, check out this Forbes article on niching. 

If you love these questions and you’re keen to narrow in on your niche with us, come/upgrade to the Business Class here.

So, swinging back to the Demartini Method Training Program. It was more than just an educational program to upskill; it was a gateway to a world of purpose, a key to unlock the doors of my true self, and an opportunity to explore the depths of my own potential. 

  1. A place to apply work to develop mastery of self
  2. Upskill in coaching, so that you can have mastery in your work with others
  3. A community to learn and grow with

Love to see you in class, 

Tanya x 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth

P.S. Here are my top three learnings from the Demartini Method Training Program

  1. When a client finds secondary and tertiary benefits/drawbacks for a moment, ensure that they are still linked to the primary experience, not the primary benefit.
  2. If someone is stuck owning the trait, action or inaction, it is because they have an exaggerated label on them, so go to column 5/12 first.
  3. Find benefits/drawbacks to your values at the time of emotional change, not to the values you have written in the Demartini Method Form. Buuutttt, I would say we find benefits to both (fits with finding how it was ‘on’ the way (to what’s meaningful to you today).

You’re invited

I did a palm reading course once {Name}.

Mmhmm. Truly. Got the certificate to prove it and everything.

I could throw a silky blanket over this table, slip on a few too many rings and pin a scarf on my head with a giant, sparkly jewel.

You could come to me wondering what great fame, fortune… or lurrrrve awaits you in your future.

I’d get all serious. Let a little frown crease my forehead. Maybe mutter a concerned “mmm” as I examine your heart line like it’s the Encyclopaedia {first_name}.

OOOOH. And I’d throw my hands up and wail a little like I’m entranced, crying, “I SEE! THE SPIRITS! THEY WANT ME TO TELL YOU…”

…and then ‘come back to my senses’, leaving you on an epic cliffhanger.

(Side note: do you reckon I could get away with adding ‘clairvoyant’ alongside ‘counsellor and coach’ in my email signature? I’m not convinced. After just one course it seems a stretch.)

Anyway, fun times.

That said, I could still ‘predict’ stuff and drop gems of actual wisdom, like…

The secret of the female O-rgasm
Messages from past lovers (and loved ones)
True, soul-inspired romance
Family fortunes and generational wealth
Weathering all manner of emotional storms as a power couple
And sooooo much more

After all, my years as a sex therapist and counsellor are worth their weight in (ostentatious) designer jewellery. Because wisdom learned through experience is still life-changing no matter how it’s packaged.

Of course, these days I do it all on Zoom calls. Minus the theatrics. And with people who want the real top-shelf wisdom, unadulterated.

Speaking of which, I’m running my famous intimacy masterclass on Wednesday, August 30th 2023.

How’d you like to come to a soul reading (of sorts) with me? Predicting your own love-fortune. (Totally non-woo, but still VERY soulful. Because s.e.x. can be a soulful experience.)

For the record, yes – all those things I mentioned above, we’ll cover (except the generational wealth. Saving that one for the wealth masterclass coming up in a few month’s time. But extra portions of love insights and tips.)

Last time I ran this it was the hit of all our 2021 masterclasses. Most popular by far and got rave reviews.

So as a special for the 2023 class, I’ve swollen the material, teased out the many, many climactic points… and thrown in a few more throbbing puns.

As you can tell – the class WILL get you there.

NON MEMBERS EMAIL
Grab your ticket for just $29 >

Getting in quick is – in this case – the right move.

You’ll appreciate the masterclass, if you know what I mean. wink.

MEMBERS EMAIL
If you’re a current MG member, no need to book – your seat’s reserved already.

Oh and bring your partner for free if you live in the same household btw. You’ll BOTH appreciate the exercises… if you know what I mean. wink.

But for those curious, you can find the details here.

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH

And here are some of the questions we are going to explore
What would you say you are naturally? More yin? More yang?
What would you say your partner is? More yin? More yang?
How do you express yourself sexually?
Has religion or society affected your sexual expression?
How can you have more sexual expressions in your life?

Have a sultry Saturday, {first_name},

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth

P.S. Stay tuned for next week’s Newsletter – I share my top learnings from this year’s Demartini Method Training Program.

 

Move Over Amygdala, This Part Of The Brain Is Taking Over

I am often said to have identified the amygdala as the brain’s ‘fear’ centre. But the fact is, I have not done this, nor has anyone else.” Joseph LeDoux (2015)

Hmm? 

Information we have been given has us believe that the amygdala is the brain region responsible for the fear response. 

But, what if what we know is not accurate? How would knowing this impact us?

Neuroscientists have been working to ‘fill the gap’ with the pathway to fear and fear memory.

What they are discovering is that a sensory-based threat memory pathway could be rooted in the primary olfactory (piriform) cortex. It’s been observed that the primary olfactory (piriform) cortex is hyperactive in anxious individuals (anxiety is fear of the future).

Smell that one… 

This could mean smell therapy could become all the rage. (I’m coining it smellology).

Smell does trigger some physiological responses in people. The smell of freshly cut grass, the smell of the beach, the smell of your old flames perfume. Takes you back down memory lane. 

Why is this important? When we understand the brain and our responses, it helps us to transform them.  

It’s interesting that, in today’s era, we don’t know everything about the brain. What we do know is the evolution of fear in people’s cognition and behaviour have evolved over time, especially in the brain.   

The evolution of the human brain has involved the preservation of primitive brain structures and their associated processes while developing new structures and processes on top of these. Imagine it to be like different operating systems on the deeper hardwiring of the brain.

By now, you would have heard of the prefrontal cortex, which contributes to higher-level critical thinking and decision-making, literally sits atop more ‘primitive’ mid-brain regions and communicates with them.

The prefrontal cortex is otherwise known as the rational mind. Imagine this to be the like a rider on the back of an elephant, with the rider being our conscious thoughts and the elephant being our automatic and emotional processes.

So when it comes to doing the inner work, we have to get the elephant to do what the rider wants. 

That’s why, if we experience fear or anxiety, we have to go deep with our inner work.

I had a client this week with a business challenge. They had lost a significant client. They were sharing how they had noticed changes in their thinking, but their bodies and responses acted in the inverse. They could start to find the blessings but want to avoid work, not show up and struggle to get their head in the game.

This shows a deeper charge yet to be resolved as the hardwiring has not been reprogrammed. (ie. Look at what your actions are, not your thoughts)

We are working on the conscious mind when we ask ourselves questions. We want to dig deep and transform the deeper layers of our mind, right down to the deeper hardwiring, to make deep and, most important, lasting change. 

It makes me think, what would happen if we had essential oils or even coffee when we do the deep work, and if that could help reprogram our brain and body to behave differently? 

I don’t know, but I’d love to hear from you if you’ve tried this.

SIDENOTE: It is not as simple as that. (deep sigh). Any complete theory of fear must consider it a complex phenomenon, a give-and-take between conscious cognitive processes and automatic (out-of-awareness) brain functions. Think about the multi-dimensions of the work, like in a previous blog

The dance between conscious cognition and automatic brain functions shapes our emotional landscape, guiding our responses to fear and anxiety.  

As we seek to decipher this intricate dance, we unearth the potential to mitigate irrational responses, promote emotional resilience, and refine our relationship with fear.

Amid these discoveries, one question resonates: Can we harness this evolving understanding to craft a future where fear loses its grip, and our emotional well-being flourishes?

I’d love to hear from you,

Tanya x 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth

 

Business Growth, The Unsexy Truth Revealed

What do you think is the least sexy idea in business growth?

You’re a smart cookie – take a guess:

Tax strategy?

Insurance and indemnity?

If you ask me… I’d say it’s the one that gurus find the hardest to sell because it doesn’t hit you with an instant dopamine fix:

Doing the inner work.

Not “hustle”, because that leads to burnout. (And got romanticised by Gary Vee, which is why it sells.)

Not “work smarter” because that’s too subjective. (What is “smart”, anyway? 4 hour work week stuff? Even Tim Ferris doesn’t do that.)

Just this:

Do what you know will turn you into the person you need to be to get what you would most love to have… 10% faster than is comfortable. Because maximum growth occurs at the border of support and challenge. You can handle 10% right?

(See? Unsexy. But true.)

The thing is, the masses don’t rush toward truth. They eat up fantasies.

Side note: this is why I built the Maximum Growth Academy on doing the inner work. I love helping those who want an inspiring income and impact, get it by doing work that breaks their ceilings. It’s what I’m known for. But it’s not for the masses. They’re not like you and I, who are willing to chip away until we arrive.

Back to the gurus for a second:

They know this truth – that consistently doing the work is the key to all success – but they still sell the fantasy or run mostly one-off events instead of multi-month programs. (Which require more of their personal time and input.)

Even though in their own businesses they’ve proven to themselves that long term application has an astronomically higher probability of personal and business growth.

(Let me clarify – there’s a place for seminars. I love them too. But the foundation of growth has always been action.)

I’ve worked closely with them. Spoken on their stages.

And as the years went by I realised, I can’t keep waiting around until someone runs another event for me to level up (either as a presenter or an attendee). Neither can humanity. Or anyone who’s inspired to make an impact and leave a legacy.

I’m inspired by the message I want to bring to the world. And I’ve got work to do to make that happen.

I owe it to myself to do what I can to bring my soul’s calling into the world. Which means taking consistent action, no matter how small. Not relying on someone else’s schedule.

You also have a mission that belongs to and requires you. Even if you’re not quite 100% clear on what it is yet.

It will be your life’s work – the things your children know you for, that the world thanks you for, that you’re handsomely, financially rewarded for.

And that takes work.

Slow, consistent work, but the payoff is guaranteed personal and business growth.

Unsexy, simple, and yet the key to your most inspired, expanded life.

If there’s one message you take away from this email today, make it this: do the inner work. Not all at once, but spread out over the long term. So you can bring all of you to the world, without burning out.

Love and light,

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth 

MAJOR Transformation in just  10 SESSIONS – this is how one MG member did it

I hear many people say, ‘I feel depressed, anxious, frustrated, or I can’t stop the grief… and I want these feelings to GO AWAY’! 

In 2016, I had a client who felt she was a domestic violence victim. She found me because she wanted to spend the rest of her life not in fear or anxiety but with clarity and purpose. 

It was a tough call for her to make. (She recently told me that at the time, she was broke but knew something had to change). But we got to work. 

She had grief about the broken marriage, low self-worth due to the constant judgement and questioning of her reality, and resentment as she was left with a 6-day-old baby with no financial support. 

She wanted these feelings to magically disappear, so she could feel positive, be a great mum and move forward with life. 

Oh – and she had never done the Demartini Method before (never actually heard of it – she was referred by her friend). 

As you know, I love a challenge. 

We had 10 sessions together, and the change was remarkable. 

I asked quality questions tailored to her situation, which guided her through the Demartini Method. Each session realigned her thoughts toward a particular incident. 

But, then another distracting emotion would pop up. We would then master that. Each time, gratitude would pour out. 

Like an onion, we peeled back the layers to get to the root of the cause.

Then something inside her clicked.
 

After the sessions, she said the weight from her shoulders had lifted. She felt lighter. And she wept. Not only was she accepting and grateful for her experience, but she felt grounded within her mind to firmly stand her ground, so her ex (and her emotions) would not dictate the rest of her life. 

She felt free to pursue her destiny. 

A year later, she reached out again. This time, it was on starting a new business. While raising a little girl, she wanted to be self-employed but had the fear of not making enough money or not being of value. 

During this time, I had just created Maximum Growth Academy. She was one of the first ones to have signed up (talk about timing!). The first year of Maximum Growth was just focused on Mindset Classes

Within that first year, as a self-employed person looking after a toddler full-time, she was making the equivalent of her salary before she became pregnant (about 60K in Australia). 

But she still wanted to push the boundaries. 

In the second year of Maximum Growth Academy, I introduced Business Classes. 

She had no hesitation in joining. 

Within that second year, she doubled her income.

And the best bit? She hasn’t stopped. She is still in Maximum Growth Business Class, leveling up. 

She has a six-figure company. Works when she wants. Has the time for her family. And has the ability to pick and choose clients that she connects with and value her offering (because you don’t want to attract clients that suck the energy out of you!).

But there’s more. 

Due to her domestic violence experience, she now has a Facebook Group with over 300 local women in different stages of violent relationships that she now helps, empowers, and guides on how to stand their ground.  

Just like she did. 

This is her way of giving back to the world (and her business gives her the freedom to do so). 

The ripple effect is real.
 

The transformation is real.
 

Smashing through growth ceilings is continuous. 

And I love that. 

This is just one of many examples of what happens when you commit. 

It’s more than just the method, it’s the support and the camaraderie of being surrounded by your peers. You have no choice but to level up alongside them.

Are you ready to be free from triggers and level up? 

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth