Yes you, stop being a people pleaser.

We all have had moments in our lives when we want to be liked by others.

It makes us feel all the good feelings (thanks brain), plus we feel connected to people and can create a sense of importance.

But is it really worth it?

I think the answer is a clear no.

In fact, I believe that it’s actually detrimental to our well-being to try too hard to please others.

Studies have shown that people who are constantly trying to please others tend to be unhappy and stressed out.

They also have a harder time saying no, which can lead to them being taken advantage of.

How do you know you are a people pleaser?

Here are the tell-tale signs:

• Low self worth. People pleasers draw their self-worth from the approval of others.
• You need (yes need) others to like you.
• You agree, even if you don’t agree.
• You describe yourself as a giver (or have extremely high empathy).

Now, let’s look at this action of pleasing with a new lens.

If we dig to find the problem under the problem, you might find that people-pleasing is difficult in conflict management and being able to say “no” among other reasons.

Saying “no” or turning down a request for help might make them think less of you and that is a challenge. Therefore, agreeing to do what they want might seem like an easier option, even if you don’t want to.

This pattern can cause problems because people’s needs come before your needs. And the boundaries are blurred.

Unless you become comfortable with pissing people off, then you will continue to people-please and, by default, you minimise yourself.

Instead of trying to please everyone, it’s important to find out what you want.

Ask yourself: “how does doing what I want serve others?”

That way, you have your needs met and you can see how others’ needs are met indirectly.

If you want to break the pattern of people-pleasing, recognising the behavior is the first step.

Your awareness around the ways you tend to people-please will begin on your journey of putting yourself first.

Then knowing your boundaries and taking action on them is important to uphold what is important to you.

The Demartini Method helps to fully balance out the fine line between pleasing a particular person and pleasing yourself. It gives you the equilibrium and insight to make the right decisions and to be 100% comfortable in your decision.

Maximum Growth Transformation Day is 6 hours, facilitated by me to break through the noise and get to the guts of the problem.  

Then you are free to focus on servicing your community.

And always remember, you first, then the world.

Much love,

Would you like to know the secret sauce to success?

Oh you want me to whisper it into your ear {first_name}!

If we could create a secret formula of success, bottle it, add a fancy label, we would probably get rich off it.

If only it were that simple. But the truth is, you ain’t here, reading this newsletter if that was your mojo.

You don’t mind getting a little dirty, rolling up your sleeves and getting to work.

So, as you get your butt on the growth train, and catapult yourself to higher levels of success, here are just 3 traits that will get you there faster.

1. Prioritise. Prioritise. Prioritise.

Just had to say it a few times so it sinks in.

Focusing on the most important things when you need to, and doing the work when you don’t feel like it.

Let’s face it, you know this but many don’t do it. And the reason is because it is a skill like riding a bike, planning your quarterly strategy or the art of selling.

Prioritising requires time to practice and to master.

Consider making it a daily task to practice prioritising, ask what is the most important task to do today, set an estimated time and repeat. This means throughout your day reviewing if you are doing the most important task now or not.

Priorising will keep you on track.

2. Resilience

This is where, no matter the circumstances, when you fall over, you get back up again.

Business can be tough, you get knocked around and down. You might feel some days the world is against you, or rejected because you can’t seem to pick up business.

Setbacks happen. People will say no. Heck, they may even bitch and moan about what you don’t do for them to anyone who will listen.

It’s not just resistance, but residence with a growth mindset is the secret. If you see how any challenge is helping you on your path to growth, you’re resilient with a purpose.

Resilience is key to being able to navigate through the challenges with grace.

3. Accountability

You work for yourself, so the benefit of working for yourself is no one tells you what to do.

Yet…… the downside of working for yourself is no one tells you what to do.

*Big sigh*

You have to make sure you hold yourself accountable to the goals you want, and do the action steps necessary to achieve your goals.

It can be so easy to do feel good tasks. But, these tasks are not necessarily the tasks that will achieve a result.

Do these three actions and you’ll notice a difference in your inner world which will influence your business in the best way.

#bringonsuccess

Now…. Let’s face it, our inner world is what can prevent us from being successful. That inner critic that rears its ugly head and tells us that we can’t, who I am to do that internal dialogue that stops us in our tracks.

In the ever evolving and changing landscape of success, you will have moments of doubt, uncertainty. This is part of everyone’s journey.

In my time as a coach, I have not yet met a woman who didn’t have “voices” in her head that is disruptive or critical, and this internal narrative leads to them perceiving themselves in a negative light.

The inner critic is never completely silenced. It can’t be, as it is a part of ourselves that acts as an internal homeostatic mechanism when we are prideful.

If you can never silence it, then embrace it as feedback. Next time you get distracted or disillusioned with yourself, look at what the inner critic is trying to show you? What is it trying to tell you? What is underneath the content.

Here are some examples;

“Who am I to share my content with the world?”

Deeper question: Where is the pride in what you know? And what don’t you know (to humble yourself).

“What if you make a mistake?”

Deeper question: Where do you think you have to know more? And what’s the downside of knowing more?

The little voices will subside and success can reign.

With love and wisdom,

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth One on one & group coaching available
Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

It was the end of the financial year this week.

It’s an opportunity for you to do a review of your income and expenses, see where you’re at with your net worth and how you’re tracking your financial goals. #Financialfreedomplease

Ok, I know you’ll either be doing a boggie on your chair with me to celebrate your achievements this year or you’re thinking “S*#t” this year, I promise.

I’m a geek and have been tracking my finances since 2010.

It wasn’t easy, and it was very uncomfortable. I had very little income and I had some debt. I knew I had to face reality and stop avoiding a difficult conversation with myself.

Taking a deep breath.

I opened a spreadsheet and wrote what I owed. Money on my credit card, a bill to a company and to a family member.

Now, time to calculate my assets. Hmmm?! Zero. Nothing.

That part was easy.

The following year, I did the same exercise with a little lightness and spring in my step.

I’d worked on my money mindset throughout the year, I was beginning to understand how to serve and grow a business, so within 12 months I was beginning to see big changes.

Fast track to June 2022 and my tracking has become more sophisticated. I track leads, conversion rate, customer lifetime values, income, expenses and net worth.

Tracking gives a perspective on your business that is real. Sometimes you feel you’re off track, but the figures don’t lie. They tell the real story.

It’s the fastest way to look at yourself and make changes, either inwardly (like coming to Maximum Growth Business class) or outwardly, by learning about finances and financial markets.

So, it’s been a fun process for me to track my finances. I want to share some of that juicy inspiration with you too.

Here it is. Your own financial tracking spreadsheet.

You can download my financial spreadsheet and call it your own.

It’s basic. It’s unbranded. It’s yours.

Give it to me baby.

Take the time to really see where you are at financially.

I’d love to know how you go?!

And… if any uncomfortable feeling comes up around doing the work, or afterwards, come to our 6 hour Maximum Growth Transformation Day.

It’s an opportunity for you to work through the Demartini method to dissolve your emotional baggage to increase your self-worth and your ability to hold onto and keep your mula.

To more riches within,

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth One on one & group coaching available
Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

You’d be surprised how many people associate crying with weakness. And they think that if they completely dissolve a dynamic to where the only words left in their heart are, “Thank you, I love you” then they’ll cry and they’ll be perceived as weak.

(Usually that’s a belief learned early on in childhood – between 3-7 years old.)

If that’s you, I have a message just for you:

You can have a genuine, inspiring breakthrough without tears.

Because let’s remember the 6 signs of a true breakthrough: Certainty and presence in the mind, gratitude and love of the heart, enthusiasm and inspiration in the body.

Everything else is an illusion.

The key is how you feel.

Now, you might be different. Maybe you’re not charged about crying.

Maybe you get too ‘in your head’ because you’re familiar with the current level of challenge. And even though you want to change, there’s a level of comfort in familiarity.

Your charge becomes like a comfortable PJ’s you love getting into, and you aren’t ready nor wanting yet to dissolve it (better the devil you know kind of thinking).

So perhaps your fear of graduating to a new – and more importantly, unknown – challenge is greater than your fear of staying ‘stuck in the rut of the same cycle of thinking’. ​​​​​​​Or maybe (last example, promise) the last time you became too emotional, your world fell apart or you perceived you received too much criticism. So you subconsciously think, “I won’t go there again”.

Do you get where I’m going with this? Like the great oracle of Delphi said, “know thyself.”

Are you afraid of anything that might happen by breaking through?

If yes, work through that first (ie remove the roadblocks in the way of clearing your issue) and come back to your initial issue.

If not, let’s move to:

WHEN IT’S TIME TO DIG AROUND IN THAT BEAUTIFUL MIND OF YOURS

Much shorter for this one. You overthink things because your mind comes up with all sorts of reasons or imagined outcomes why you shouldn’t get to a state of gratitude and love.

e.g. somewhere in your mind, you’ve associated loving your soon-to-be-ex (with whom you’ve had a rough relationship) with the outcome that you’ll fall back into a relationship with them after breaking through. i.e. you still have a charge somewhere that the ‘old’ dynamic is more bad than good, more pain than pleasure or more challenge than support.

So, that imagined outcome of a renewed relationship is an illusion.

Because remember – you still have a choice after you’ve dissolved your charge. The difference is that you choose your actions from a balanced, grateful place. Not a lopsided one that will send you straight back into a similar dynamic (so you have another chance to love it.)

Just knowing that whatever you think MIGHT happen is no indication of what WILL happen.

Funnily enough, the only way to really ‘control’ the outcome is to dissolve the emotion around the outcome.

So, let this be a quick guide for you, my overthinker. Your head can be the key to your heart if you let it. Just take a little tweak in perspective.

Remember: thinking AND feeling. It’s both, not either/or.

Oh, and Thank you. For being here, for striving to live a more meaningful life every day. I love you with all my head, all my heart and all my soul.

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth One on one & group coaching available
Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

PS – Sharing this loving kick up the derriere I read in an email today: Just because we understand how to dissolve our issues, doesn’t mean we don’t have to put in the work. How’s that for tough love? Let’s keep on.

PPS – If you’d love guidance in dissolving your stuff, weekly help with me is right here.

“You’re not a facilitator, you’re a gardener, you plant seeds and watch things germinate.”

That’s what I tell the coaches I work with who are challenged with the shifts you see with clients.

This isn’t a philosophy I read from somewhere, I know this to be true because people have planted seeds for me.

In 2015 when I completed my master certification in the Demartini method, at the Demartini Method Training program in Houston, I had a session swap with Amit, a savant and super aware facilitator (AKA a gifted gardener).

I can’t not remember what we worked on, just that a mighty oak tree planted that day. I knew something shifted because I reflected on that session for years to come and questioned myself “when will it be time to create my own signature program?

One of the stand out thoughts was feelings are a part of humanity. Sounds like nothing, but it has been a huge shift in me, to feel all the feelings, and share the message in the work that it is ok to feel too. Feeling is the very thing that makes us human, it helps us connect, celebrate, and live a rich life.

You can’t hide from feelings. Repressing them ain’t good for the body, numbing them ain’t good for life. Instead, it’s an empty, meaningless life.

I’ve definitely had a journey over the past 7 years to acknowledge and feel all the feelings. Then doing the work required to level up.

Another gold nugget of wisdom from the session was a statement Amit made as we wrapped up the session was “Tanya when are you going to create your own thing.”

It has been an idea percolating in the back of my mind for all these years.

I love the Demartini Method. It’s become a part of my thinking and a lens I view my world from that I’ll continue to share the work worldwide for a long time to come. Nothing will change there.

And, I have been dream in of my own thing for a while. When the idea popped into my head for the Power Walkshop a few years ago, it felt like something unique and different.

When it came to finally setting a date and making plans, I sat down to write the program.

I can only describe it as a flood of enthusiasm that ran through me and within a few hours the program was created.

It was as if I was guided to write the words down (do you get me or is this too woo woo weird for you?…. I own my weirdness 😂)”

You experience the Power Walkshop in the way it was written. The lessons, the people around you, the universe, the path guide you to your life purpose.

You don’t have to sit there contemplating what it is, because it is in your face, over and over again.

This program is unique because it combines the mind and body, the material and spiritual worlds, the head and the heart, attention and intention together in a practical (yet based on theory) to help your purpose unfold over the 5 days.

Plus, we sprinkle presence, certainty, lots of love and gratitude, into the days that you’ll have a new and profound way of living.

It’s not about a work purpose (although that may reveal itself), it’s about a life purpose.

I’ve found my signature program that I want to share with you.

If you’re keen to experience a soulful transformation, then come join us for the Power Walkshop in November 2022. Click here to find out more.

#thepathwillguideyou

With love,

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth One on one & group coaching available
Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

P.S. If you know someone who could benefit from coming to class to level up in mindset or business, then share this email with them or this link to learn more about group coaching.

Let’s have a hard conversation.

About “no.”

Yes? 😂

When you hear the word ‘no’ in sales, you’re meant not to take it as a hard ‘no’ but more a ‘no for now.’

Some people believe that it takes 7 ‘no’s’ from someone until they say yes.

Let’s spin it around to you being the one saying ‘no’.

Your initial response is no. Your second response is still no. Third, yep, it’s a no. Keep going and eventually you cave and say yes.

Was it your decision to say yes? Did you just subordinate to this individual’s wants and needs and disown your own? Or did you really want to say yes?

If people in your life learn they can push and receive the answer they want, of course they’re going to push.

Then you end up living under other peoples expectations of you which isn’t very inspiring.

No is a very empowering word. You create a sense of authority in your life by stand up or even against for something you want.

Sometimes you must say no more than once; while this may feel uncomfortable, it is really important to create strength and autonomy.

What do you want to hold your ground to say ‘no’ to {first_name}? I’d love to hear from you.

With gratitude,

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth One on one & group coaching available
Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

P.S. If you know someone who could benefit from coming to class to level up in mindset or business, then share this email with them or this link to learn more about group coaching.

I have a story to share. It’s not mine. And I don’t remember where I read it. But I wanted to share it with you as it might be your story.

M A M A ’ S M A M A ’ S

”Grandma, I’m tired. So tired of this life…”

“Take your tiredness, my child, and wrap it around yourself. Like a blanket in the cold winter months. Tiredness comes to make you a nest, to bring you to wear comfortable clothes, to make you sink into its warm embrace. I invite you to stay within yourself. Without strength, without thoughts, without actions. Like the snow that covers everything to soften the world, to make it muffled, to protect it from noise. Accept the flakes of your tiredness and let yourself be completely covered by them.”

“I could die buried under there…”

“You will be reborn instead. Like the seed in the ground. Do not resist your weariness, do not reject it with a thousand actions, a thousand intentions, a thousand feelings of guilt. It just wants to take you by the hand and lead you to sink into the void. Right there, where the source of every inner strength lies. They taught us to be strong by resisting. But it is in surrendering that the true heroes emerge.”

“I’m afraid, grandmother. What if fatigue will annihilate me?”

“My child, you are not afraid of tiredness but of losing control of yourself. The time has come for you to give yourself to life. And to generate together with it the most wonderful children: the fruits of your soul!”

~Elena Bernabè

Maybe time has come to give yourself to life.

Stop running from the things that are important and go live what’s meaningful to you regardless of what you think you should do but do what your heart is calling you to do.

Your soul will be set of fire.

And it will light the world.

What’s more important than that?

Warm fuzzy soulful hugs my friend,

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth One on one & group coaching available
Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

P.S. If you know someone who could benefit from coming to class to level up in mindset or business, then share this email with them or this link to learn more about group coaching.

You may have noticed I have been MIA from your inbox the past four weeks.

Let me explain. . .

I came down with the flu after my sister’s wedding in March. It was rough on my body that I had to cancel clients.

There goes a week.

The following week, my daughter had gastro.

Just when you think it’s over, and after I’m starting to feel better from the flu, my daughter passes me a little gastro gift and I had my head in the toilet all night. Followed by a fever for 3 days straight, not much work happened.

There goes another week and a half.

My body was getting a belting.

I wasn’t even thinking of emotionally processing, it seemed more a survival response, just trying to get through the next day.

Late last week, when my mind was back in the game, I reflected on the past month and what I realised was that the body is an amazing healing machine. ​​

• You breathe about 23-thousand times a day.

• Your heart beats 100,000 times per day, pumping 5.5 litres per minute, which adds up to about 3 million litres of blood a year.

• You spend 10 percent of the day blinking. 28.800 times a day to cleanse your eyes.

• Your skin’s outer layer sheds every 2-4 weeks.

• It is working behind the scenes to heal when you’re injured or ill.

Your body wants to heal. And it wants to stay alive.

And the power of the mind has the capacity to heal the body.

Taking a little wisdom from Schopenhauer, who stated “find freedom from suffering in any circumstance.” Be free in the mind. Creates freedom in your body.

So I found the blessings, looked at the benefits to my clients who I cancelled two or three times in a row. Looked at how it was serving my business to not do the administration tasks I have to get done.

It made me realise that I can love what I do, but I hadn’t been taking care of my health to the degree I could have been and that it was going to be a priority.

Fast forward to Sunday night after about 3 days of feeling spiritly again.

Ohhhhhh…. Myyyyyy…. Freakin’…. God….

I’d run 12km in preparation for the Power Walkshop in June that day. I didnt overly exert myself. In fact, I struggled more than I would normally.

That night my body was in pain. Oh so much pain. I’d wake up every 20 minutes.

It flashed me back to my fibromyalgia days in 2015 when I struggled with picking up a sweet potato and grating it. I’d be that exhausted and in pain, I’d have to go back to bed again.

The following morning I had a migraine. Again, another flash back to 2016 when I had a one metre fall straight onto my head and had fell on my head.

So I thought I’d go first thing in the morning and get a massage.

This helped, but still went home and slept.

That night, my temp started to rise, and by rise, it went to 39.5 celsius (or 103.1 fahrenheit) and by Tuesday morning, I thought I’d better check to see if I didn’t have C-O-V-I-D, and yes, it turns out I’m positive.

I didn’t have a reaction.

I felt like the past three weeks of being ill was a trial for this moment. And this was my exam.

Have you ever felt this way about life?

For me it was an opportunity to prioritize health, listen to my body, follow what it needed.

I switched straight on. I asked what are the symptoms informing me of, what are my lessons here, why now, and what do I have to do to take care of my body now – and in the future. The flashbacks gave me an opportunity to heal a part of my past that I hadn’t yet loved.

Illness is an opportunity to find love.

And where you love it, you’ll find light.

In light is where deep healing occurs.

“Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place (and do the mindset work to heal yourself). That’s where the light enters you.” Rumi

What is your body saying to you? And are you listening?

With love and a lot of light flowing your way.

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth One on one & group coaching available
Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

P.S. If you know someone who could benefit from coming to class to level up in mindset or business, then share this email with them or this link to learn more about group coaching.

Are you depriving yourself?

Deprivation comes in different forms.

Maybe it’s not focusing on what you do have, instead, a constant focus on what you don’t have.

Maybe it’s not allowing yourself to feel “positive” emotions (because God forbid you were to be above equilibrium and come crashing down).

Or maybe it’s putting yourself in a dynamic with another couple when you like one “more than friends” and then depriving yourself of ‘love’ because you can’t be with them (that’s what we cleared in our Maximum Growth class this week).

Deprivation is real. And it costs.

Not just financially, but the light in your soul.

And that light is not as bright to shine your service to the world.

It’s lowering your value.

It’s minimising your magnificence.

It is critical to recognize when this self-deprivation state is happening for change to occur. As we know, awareness is the key to change.

Here are the 4 D’s of depreciation to help you become aware of these moments.

• Disappointment: You set yourself up for disappointment and a sense of “you’re just not enough.” One client was depriving themselves of food because they’re afraid to put on weight. They had entangled in their mind that they would only deserve to be in a relationship if they were a particular size, and therefore unlovable any bigger, therefore living in the disappointment cycle of depreciation.

• Devaluing: You minimise yourself relative to others and think “others get what they want, and not me.” One client deprived themselves of clients because they didn’t think they deserved to coach clients and devalued themselves relative to others, repelling clients away, spinning them into a devaluing cycle of depreciation.

• Deflection: You’re not appreciating the things that you have in your life. Deflecting it (and all its juju away). A client deflected any compliments, any praise that came their way, and didn’t feel deserving of it. Instead, they are self-critical, and in a deflection cycle of depreciation.

• Disowning: You’re not seeing the power that is within you to manifest and create what it is you say you want. The member of class this week chose to open their heart to someone who wasn’t available nor interested (got to look at people’s actions, not what they say and this guy wants a baby with someone else). Therefore, they’re disowning the power within them to create a new relationship they’d love and is in the disowning cycle of depreciation

So why do we have moments in this state? It’s not sexy, it’s not empowering, it’s not getting us where we would love to be, so why do we do it?

It’s a source of attachment.

Attachments are not a conscious choice, but an unwitting set-up that lands you in that old, familiar place where it feels familiar.

Deprivation is repeated in different aspects of life. Over the years you learn to tolerate it, come to expect it, and even, yes, I’m going to say, even prefer deprivation in some strange, familiar way, like a comfy blanket.

Over time, there becomes a tipping point at which you don’t want to do the same behaviour anymore. And when that happens, remember this:

Energy goes where your attention and focus flows.

Once you know what’s driving your self-deprivation actions, once you’ve become aware of when you’re in a self-deprivation state, once you have cleared your charges (come to Maximum Growth classes to get some maximum guidance), then put attention and focus on what you truly want.

Here’s to having more juju flow to you and through you,

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth One on one & group coaching available
Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

P.S. Want a little pick me up around your meaning and purpose, to then help with getting what you want, then watch the replay of our hot session The Conversation here.

P.P.S. Feeling like you don’t want to be in this repeated self-deprivation cycle anymore and looking for a change? The Power Workshop was created to help people have a life reboot, to reconnect with your body, mind and soul, to believe in yourself and the power you have within to create an amazing life AND actually start doing it. To read more, click here.