Yes you, stop being a people pleaser.
We all have had moments in our lives when we want to be liked by others.
It makes us feel all the good feelings (thanks brain), plus we feel connected to people and can create a sense of importance.
But is it really worth it?
I think the answer is a clear no.
In fact, I believe that it’s actually detrimental to our well-being to try too hard to please others.
Studies have shown that people who are constantly trying to please others tend to be unhappy and stressed out.
They also have a harder time saying no, which can lead to them being taken advantage of.
How do you know you are a people pleaser?
Here are the tell-tale signs:
- Low self worth. People pleasers draw their self-worth from the approval of others.
- You need (yes need) others to like you.
- You agree, even if you don’t agree.
- You describe yourself as a giver (or have extremely high empathy).
Now, let’s look at this action of pleasing with a new lens.
If we dig to find the problem under the problem, you might find that people-pleasing is difficult in conflict management and being able to say “no” among other reasons.
Saying “no” or turning down a request for help might make them think less of you and that is a challenge. Therefore, agreeing to do what they want might seem like an easier option, even if you don’t want to.
This pattern can cause problems because people’s needs come before your needs. And the boundaries are blurred.
Unless you become comfortable with pissing people off, then you will continue to people-please and, by default, you minimise yourself.
Instead of trying to please everyone, it’s important to find out what you want.
Ask yourself: “how does doing what I want serve others?”
That way, you have your needs met and you can see how others’ needs are met indirectly.
If you want to break the pattern of people-pleasing, recognising the behavior is the first step.
Your awareness around the ways you tend to people-please will begin on your journey of putting yourself first.
Then knowing your boundaries and taking action on them is important to uphold what is important to you.
The Demartini Method helps to fully balance out the fine line between pleasing a particular person and pleasing yourself. It gives you the equilibrium and insight to make the right decisions and to be 100% comfortable in your decision.
Then you are free to focus on servicing your community.
And always remember, you first, then the world.