This week I have been on the hunt to find a theme song for my life.

One that really encompasses where I am and where I am going. It’s to add to my Divine Design Powerpoint slideshow of what I’d love to create in my business and life.

(It’s kind of like a moving imagery to play for my future every morning before I start work for the day.)

I came across this Sam Smith song.

“how I see myself with you

I don’t say a word

……

And look in my eye

You are perfection

My only direction

It’s fire on fire

It’s fire on fire.

……

But then we love and feel the truth.”

I had rolling goosebumps throughout the song. No, not all of it moves me, but some lines like “You are perfection” does it for me every time. Waves of goosies rolling through my body.

Now, I get that for you, it might not be the case with this song, these words.

For you, it’s more likely to be a different song or scene of a movie as we have different things that will move us.

These connected emotional states involve goosebumps.

So why do you get goosebumps?

OK, let’s get our geek on.

The technical term is cutis anserine (‘cutis’ means skin and ‘anser’ means goose) or piloerection (probably not going to use that word again).

Now, let’s get clear, there are three types of goosebumps. This is how I’ve named them, and they’re not scientific-technical names by any means.

• The ‘cold’ goosebumps, the ones you get when you’re physiologically cold.
• The ‘chilli’ goosebumps, the ones that cause a cold shiver down your spine. Usually occurs with a perception of social disgust and fear.
• The ‘soul’ goosebumps with an experience of awe. Usually occurs with an integration, alignment or truth being told.

The common experience of goosebumps is the ‘chilli’ ones you get when you feel cold, and your hairs stand on end. This reaction is great for animals because all of their hair stands on end, they look bigger and scarier to their predator. For us humans, it helps to create a buffer between your skin and the cool air keeping you a little warmer.

Evolutionary speaking, that came in handing pre-clothing days to keep our body warmer and is still serving that purpose now. (except for those people who lasered their arm hair – they’re now realising the downside. #deepsigh).

Let’s go a little deeper.

There are involuntary muscles just under the skin that, when experiencing a highly emotional state, activate when the sympathetic nervous system or also known as the fight, flight or fright response. When the muscle is contracted, it makes your hairs stand upright and gives you goosebumps.

The goosebumps I’m referring to are the ones you get watching a movie, hearing a speech, reading a passage from a book. It moves you in a deep way and gives you goosebumps.

This feeling of being moved or touched can be accompanied by tears, goosebumps, and sensations of warmth in the centre of the chest or heart plexus.

This experience is described in Sanskrit as kama muta, a feeling of oneness, of love or union.

One particular framework for emotional experiences labelled as moving is the concept called kama muta. Kama muta theory is the sudden increases in closeness and community which evokes a distinctive perceived positive social-relational emotion.

This emotion is often accompanied by tears, goosebumps, and feelings of warmth in the chest, and people often will use the terms such as “moving”, “touching”, or “heartwarming”.

The goosebumps you’ll experience in Maximum Growth classes, living life and doing “the work” are the soul goosebumps.

There are more nuances to why these goosies happen and scientific research is still debating about why we experience these types of goosebumps.

What they do know about goosebumps, after studying brain images, is that it activates certain structures of the brain like the amygdala (the centre for emotions, emotional behaviour, and motivation) and prefrontal cortex (cognitive control functions).

I can tell you from my experience, I’ve been writing my goosebump moments down since 2009. Not every one of them, but a large sample to see what is common to what my soul is saying.

There are some messages in there that are profound statements, like things to do with universal truths, setting a big, crazy goal and achieving it, and receiving a payment from a client with the transaction name being “lifesaver.”

When we align our souls messages with a business, and lead, magic happens. You’ll feel purposeful and that you’re walking the path that you are destined to walk. Every day feels that you get paid to be you and do the things you love most.

So {first_name}, open a new word document, start generating your list of goosies.

Love to hear what is revealed to you. Do you require changing direction in business? Or are you on perfect path for your souls calling?

Here’s to hearing the whispering in your ear from your soul,

 

Tanya “following my knowing” x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on one & group coaching available

Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

PS. Come join the Maximum Growth Academy for your opportunity to learn and apply quality questions every week.

Yesterday, Australia celebrated World Teachers Day.

So big shout out to all the teachers in the world.

And that is you {first_name}!

We’re all students to someone and teachers to others.

Can’t escape it.

Here is the beautiful part, the most profound classroom you’ve ever been in in life is . . . wait for it. . .

Here’s a clue or two:

You can’t buy tickets to it. The teachers are never the same. And it’s right under your nose.

Wanna take a guess?

It’s your everyday life.

Say what?!

I mean, imagine: every day you’re blessed (and sometimes cursed) with moments to teach you more about yourself, what your mission is (and sometimes what it is not).

Life blows every other meditation, seminar, guru etc I can think of right outta the water.

Because it’s relentless. It never ends. And the lessons just keep on coming.

My most recent lesson was painful.

I started training again with more enthusiasm and more goal oriented. I was focused on stepping up in that area of life as it has wavered. I know how important it is for my body, mind and soul, and especially for my business when I exercise, I feel alive.

Day 6 into training, I’m sore in every muscle group, and it huuuuurts so good (sing it with me {first_name}).

My intuition, thank you very much, was saying “slow down,” “take a break” and “rest.”

But did I listen to my teacher?

Nuh.

I forced on with more vigor than before.

And what happens, I’m in the middle of a set of burpees (that’s where you go from push up to jumping and back again). It’s my most hated activity, but I do it anyway.

Midway in my jumping in the air, there was my intuition again saying “Slow”.

I landed and I nearly cried out loud. I strain my quad, the first time ever in my life.

Dust myself off the floor, I hobble back to my apartment with my tail between my legs.

I’d just set a goal, I was working, and working hard to achieve it. All I wanted was to kick some goals.

But my body was teaching me a lesson.

1. Listen to my body
2. Follow and intuition
3. The importance of resting

That’s my lesson for today. (Thanks body).

Your teachers are everywhere. Your clients teach you things you’re not working on. Your finances teach you to be more accountable. Your business shows you the places you require growing.

You’re lesson will be different. Maybe it is to speak up more, ask for what you want. Maybe it is to stop saying yes to things you don’t want to do and more to what aligns with you. Maybe it is to stop serving a client, start serving different ones.

Borrowed from some wise thinker, “the difference between school and life. In school, you are taught a lesson, and then you get a test. In life, you are continually given a test, that teaches you a lesson.”

So why is no one teaching this stuff?

Because everyone has a different life lesson. No two people are here to learn the same thing, they don’t have the same purpose or path to walk.

What is taught is the mindset to make you adaptable to the ever changing landscape.

Let’s face it, sometimes you’re enrolled in the school of hard knocks. Your business is struggling, you’re lacking energy, you’re struggling to show up in doing what you love. You’re supposed to be leading your team, and they rely on you, but you struggle to even show up for yourself.

And then. . . bam. . . You’re slammed again with another lesson.

It all gets a bit too much (***deep sigh, you’re ready to wag school for the day).

In these moments, ask yourself “what’s the lesson here.”

Extract the message and add meaning to the mayhem.

You’ll feel lighter, more present, and purposeful.

Now, I’m listening to my body and my soul, and it’s calling for a casual stroll through the bush paths close to home. I might just whistle as I walk.

Curious to know {first_name}, what’s the life lesson you’re in today?

With gratitude,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Tanya Cross Consulting

Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

Let’s get a little lighter this week, because every leader needs some laughter and love sometimes.

I can’t wait to make party bags for my daughter, Bonnie’s next birthday party.

For the adults I mean. Because nobody needs more *dry heaves* banana lollies. Or those fake teeth chewies. Ew. There ain’t enough Demartini Methods in the world to dissolve that childhood trauma.

No, I’m thinking kickass YouTube video recommendations and essential oil samplers for the North Shore yummy mummies (if you’re not a Sydney-sider, they’re the posh ladies in your neighbourhood who practically sleep in athletic *ahem* athleisure wear and smell like vanilla cake frosting.)

But Bonnie’s next birthday isn’t for 6. Whole. Months. Ugh. Too long.

So instead I’m making a (digital) party bag for you this week.

And to make this weekend more festive than “naughty mums” at a 3 year old’s birthday, I’m sending you a Masterclass highlights (‘cause there were some great ones) and some take-home goodies.

Added bonus: this party bag won’t make you feel like you have to hit the gym on Monday… and it’s eco friendly! I can practically hear the sea turtles thanking you for digging into this already.

So, what’s in your Insights & Inspiration party bag this week? Let’s unwrap:

PARTY BAG TREAT #1

I hand-plucked these inspirations from the internet jungle for you. Certified biodynamic/organic. And they’ll keep you a safe distance from the brink of the YouTube rabbit hole. You’re welcome.

First up: The fastest way to ruin my mascara (after seeing our members breakthrough in our sessions) is to send me a story of underdog triumph. David and Goliath. Cancer survivors. People with disabilities doing stuff I could never. My favourite this week is this unusual America’s Got Talent show audition. Bring your oldest hoodie sleeve to dry your cheeks after. This one’s a wipeout gollywasher.

A YouTube channel worth devouring like a giant chocolate freckle: Soul Pancake. I especially recommend starting here, then here… and then keep going until you’re wading in a small lake of your own tears of gratitude.

On to the next layer of party bag treats:

PARTY BAG TREAT #2

Essential Knowledge Upgrades! (they last longer than essential oils.)

“What are the psychosomatic causes of *insert your symptom/diagnosis here*?”

I can’t tell you how many people asked that on my Ask Me Anything Class. Illness really is a big distraction from living your purpose.

I get it. Being sick sucks (until you find the blessings of course). We all want to read the feedback our body is giving us like a dusty old Egyptian text that holds the secrets to the universe so we can heal ourselves with jedi mind tricks.

But, it’s not the wisest question. Because no one has an infallible list of mind-body connections. Their answers may not fit your physiology and more importantly, it requires subordinating to a perceived authority. No bueno, peeps.

The higher quality question you want to ask is, “What does *insert symptom/diagnosis* mean to me?”

Once you’ve got your answers then you chip away at dissolving the emotional charges you discover. Like salted caramel chocolates: the best stuff is inside you. You tasty treat, you.

And that is your weekly wrap up from me, my dear!

If this email were yoga, I’d probably say, “carry this energy with you into the week”. But I’ll leave that to the North Shore yummy mummies.

Go party like the sea turtles just elected you their president.

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Tanya Cross Consulting

Helping leaders to level up using transformational mindset work.

This month was make your bed day (yes, an entire day devolved to a simple task).

Former Navy SEAL, Admiral William H. McRaven gave an inspiring 20-minute speech (a little one-sided but if you see beyond that, the message is transformative).

He shared the simple lessons that anyone can apply to their own life about how simple things, done repeatedly, can change your life, and perhaps change the world.

In his speech, McRaven recognizes everyone is different, but we all struggle as humans.

Think of it like this. We are all in the ocean. And at times, we can be in the middle of a massive storm, or a peaceful calm bay. Everyone has a different boat (ie, mindset). Some have a stand-up paddleboard, others have a tanker (and all the other variations in between).

Regardless, each boat handles the ocean differently.

• The tanker struggles in the calm bay to navigate the peace and quiet and it feels uncomfortable but stays strong in the storm.
• The stand-up paddleboard finds it impossible to handle the strength of the storm but breezes through the calm bay.

So how do you build a boat? Or more specifically, a mindset that can not be too comfortable in the bay and handle the storm?

Abraham Lincoln believed attitude is everything. Attitude isn’t something you are born with, it is something that you work at. And work repeatedly, day in, day out, week in week out and yes, year in year out.

In one of our previous blogs, we spoke about how a millionaire’s mindset destroys your financial future.

You might be surprised to know that many people who have earned millions of dollars during their entire working life end up spending all their money and have very little savings. Some have chosen a lifestyle now over savings for the future. (You can read the blog here).

To grow your finances to a million, it takes dedication every day to the tangible end goal by taking action and having the mindset to back that you are worthy of a million-dollar (and beyond) net worth.

A mindset that can’t handle the ups and downs of financial markets, or revenue if you own your own business, will be highly volatile, emotional, experiencing elation and depression by what is happening on the outside.

Essentially, the outer world, the outer weather and the waves of the ocean are controlling how you feel on the inside. These waves can keep you up thinking in the middle of the night from worrying about where your income is coming from, to being elated and overspending because of more money that you dream of flowing through your door.

So how do you build a mindset that can not be too comfortable in the up and handle the downs (not just financially but in every aspect of life)?

Here’s the secret, it’s the questions you ask yourself.

• When you’re up, you learn to bring yourself down by looking at what you didn’t do, what you missed, what you could have done more of, to balance your mind back to the centre.
• When you’re down, you learn to bring yourself up looking at what you did do, what you gained, what you had done, to balance your mind back to the centre.

You become like the little bubble level thing (It has so many names, a spirit level, a level, the instrument designed to indicate whether a surface is horizontal or vertical). This means no matter which way the leveller goes, you’re the little bubble finding the centre point.

When you know how to do this, you can brace for a massive storm, or not become too complacent in the calm ocean.

Investing in your mindset over and over and over and over again is vital. As you build your mindset, you don’t have to worry about what kind of boat you have, because you have the mindset to handle any unexpected challenge.

Mastering your inner world with quality questions, done repeatedly, can change your life, and perhaps change the world.

Plus, as you learn to master the questions in the process, you clear your baggage, you raise your ability to attract what you’d love, change your behaviour… and THAT levels you up, smashes through growth ceilings and much more.

It starts in your inner world.

I’d say it’s magic, but it’s really just brain science.

That is why making your bed is such a powerful way to start the day. You’re completing a task that will encourage you to do the next task, and then the next, and so on. It will give you a sense of accomplishment that you will want to continue to feel throughout the day.

And what happens if you integrate finding benefits to what you’d love to achieve that day while making your bed (or having a shower of power or any other daily routine).

Imagine what you can shift in your mind to set you up for an inspiring day.

It’s the small things, done repeatedly that help you build momentum and move forward.

Here’s to the little things in life, {first_name}.

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Tanya Cross Consulting

Helping leaders to level up using transformational mindset work.

Is your mind running a million miles an hour? What is wrong with this email? Why is there such a big gap?

And the deeper question is, does the silence make you feel uncomfortable?

This one’s a no-brainer (pardon the pun). Let me explain.

Almost everyone had some version of “the past 18 months have been so full-on. I feel totally overwhelmed/numb/in my head about things. What do I do?”

Grateful you asked. Because I’ve spent YEARS getting overthinkers out of their head and into their heart. (Some of the biggest breakthroughs I have are with those kinds of clients.)

And in case you were wondering, yes – it’s easy to get ‘stuck’ spinning your wheels in indifference. Especially when it comes to doing the Demartini Method by yourself. So don’t fret – you’re in the perfect company 🙂

Overthinking is a loop of unproductive thoughts on replay.

One of the most obvious reasons you overthink is due to stress. Stress tends to have a profound effect on the brain. Cortisol can damage and kill brain cells in the hippocampus (which plays a major role in learning and memory).

Chronic over thinking can also alter brain functions by changing its structure and connectivity. You have changes in mood, changes in your digestive functioning, and more wrinkles than you might like.

Not to mention the stress on business, family, finances and life.

The first level of overthinking is a mild level and arises especially during a stressful period of life. You’re able to regulate your thoughts, and come back to centre on your own (or with a little extra training and guidance).

The second level of overthinking is a moderate level. You’re realistic, but can’t stabilize your emotions within a short period of time and, thus, have problems with overthinking. You receive feedback with your feelings and experience emotions such as anxiety. Stress shows in other ways such as insomnia, excessive food or alcohol intake. This is where you require help to get you back on track.

The third level of overthinking is a severe level of overthinking. People with a severe level of overthinking might experience falling out of reality. When there are so many obsessive thoughts that are organized in mental constructions which are unrealistic, creating a false reality that exists in your mind. Again, you require assisance to balance yourself.

What is common to all levels of overthinking is that it is unresolved perceptions and emotional changes and your overthinking is trying to resolve it (although sometimes, let’s face it, it’s doing the inverse).

No matter what you’re working through, you’ll pass through 3 stages:

1. Charge (and there are squillions of levels here)
2. Indifference
3. Love.

 

1. THE CHARGE

The charge is easily recognisable. Overthinking is creating the charge. It amplies it, louder and louder in your mind. You feel it in your body, it runs your mind. The bigger the emotional charge, the more consuming it is in the mind, and your life.

 

2. INDIFFERENCE

But there’s a fine line that catches people between indifference and love. (A favourite place for over-intellectualisers to stall and stay.)

When you reach indifference it can sometimes feel like the wind’s been taken out of your sails. You intellectually know that there are equal benefits and drawbacks to a person or dynamic, but you don’t FEEL it.

You’ve found benefits in the moment and are grateful but still think, “I still wish [insert dynamic] was different.” (For comparison, see how it feels different to: “Thank you. I love you. I’m grateful I got to experience this.” See that? One SEEMS balanced, but the other FEELS balanced.)

So I’m going to tell you something a little controversial: allow yourself to feel.

Whether it’s numb, or frustrated, or any other emotion. Let it be your signpost to what is still lingering in your perceptions. I call this “following the feeling”.

That means you can feel to know what to resolve and dissolve.

Because you can’t heal what you don’t feel.

You can ask yourself this quality question as a test: What’s still in the way of you loving this individual? (Or dynamic.)

Remember, you’re human and as long as you remain human, you’re going to feel things.

And feel things often.

The key is not to push them down or not feel or even use overthinking as a strategy not to feel, but to treat them as your teachers: there’s a lesson (and a gift) in every charge.

To not think through your problems but instead, every great breakthrough requires BOTH thinking AND feeling. So lean into it {first_name}.

 

3. LOVE

Then there is love.

Love is more deep and profound than you realise. The big empty space above represents love.

It’s spaceless, timeless, massless, it radiates. And no words can even get close to feeling the depth of what love is.

This experience of love, this depth of love is what you experience when you apply the Demartini Method to the content of your overthinking. You take your mind from uncertainty to certain, from scattered to present. To feel love and gratitude expands and warms your heart.

This means that no matter what you go through, you can grow through.

Anything you feel, such as sadness (depression, despair, hopelessness), anxiety (fear, worry, concern, nervousness, panic), anger (irritation, frustration, annoyance, rage), guilt and shame/embarrassment can be healed.

And then overthinking will just resolve itself.

In the meantime, sending you a big warm fuzzy hug (oh feel that yummy-ness).

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Tanya Cross Consulting

WARNING: This week’s Saturday Soul School edition is a very personal story about my brush with suicide. If you are dealing with suicidal thoughts and you need immediate support please reach out to official suicide prevention resources: Lifeline Australia / SupportLine UK / Suicide Prevention Line USA. And if you’re having a tough time and you want to work through it together, the doors to Maximum Growth are always open to you.

My heart dances inside my chest as I sit cross legged on the rocky edge of the cliff.

I’m alone, shivering.

The cold dawn wind cuts at my face. The night sky begins to break as the morning light peaks over the horizon.

A few eager walkers are about. Their shadows stroll by but I hide behind some shrubs, out of sight.

I can imagine the waves roiling against the rocks far below but I can’t see or even hear them.

It’s a long way down.

A fact that should push me back, away from the edge but lands as if I’d just thought, “oh, it’s Tuesday.”

I’d been skirting a mental ledge for months. And now here I am, quite literally, at the edge of a cliff, feeling my life wobble on a knife point.

I’m sunk in the heavy thoughts swirling in my head, drowning in my emotions, feeling all the painful experiences I had shut down and locked away. My emotions festering in the dark and silence, nameless and unknown, waiting to implode. Or maybe explode.

I’m here because of an accumulation of a lot of reasons, but it isn’t the stories that matter most, it’s how I was dealing with them.

The build up of unresolved challenges triggered a heap of repressed emotions to cascade down on me like a ton of bricks.

Waves of raw emotion came flooding over me the moment I tried to process how I was feeling. A flash of an insight, then pounded with another wave.

Ever been dumped by a rough swell at the beach? Struggle to the surface only to swallow seawater and sand before you’re pulled under again? Yeah, like that, but in your head. Over and over and over again.

Thoughts continued to rumble in my head like unforgiving waves, louder and louder, becoming stronger and stronger. I felt totally overwhelmed and out of my depth. I nearly drowned in my inner world. I struggled to dissolve the crap in my life on my own but the thought of asking for help didn’t even cross my mind.

So I waited on that ledge. Wondering if maybe, finally, it would be a nudge from the wind that took the decision out of my hands.

The police never said how they knew to look for me.

Was it the cameras on the light posts? A particularly observant morning walker? Divine providence?

Perhaps it was nothing more mystical than a routine sweep. Whatever it was, the next 8 hours changed me.

I don’t know if you know this, but there’s a strict protocol they have to follow when someone makes an attempt on their own life.

They make you leave the cliff and your car – for obvious reasons. Take you to the hospital, where they administer an official assessment.

Then, to be allowed home, you must be accompanied by a friend. Again, for obvious reasons.

So I had to lean on my network of people… except I was the one that people call.

And I was lost. Who do you call when you’re your own ICE contact?

That precise moment – looking at my phone, finger scrolling aimlessly up and down my phonebook – is when I finally and fully realised how important it is to have someone to lean on and guide you. (Not just to get you safely home, but for the months after too. All you have to do is reach out.)

Eventually I called my friend and surrogate mum, Lizzie who was there by my side in that moment and for the days, weeks and months to follow.

People often say, “you saved my life” but she literally did. Just by being a safe place for me to land.

That was 6 years ago, Wednesday.

I don’t have a ritual to mark the day, but I took a moment to write a thank you note to myself, for sticking with it. To the universe for having a plan for me far greater than I could ever have imagined. And for the people who loved me more than I ever imagined possible when I felt anything but worthy of it.

Because – as I’ve come to truly know – life’s too precious to take for granted.

Today’s a great day to remember that. Tomorrow, too.

I’ve reflected on my cliff edge moment a lot since then. Pondered how, why, what led me there.

And I wouldn’t be who I am today (and this wouldn’t be a Sunday Soul School email) without sharing the wisdom in my experience.

So, three takeaway lessons for you:

1. In my darkest moments I have learned the most about myself, about my life and makes me a better coach and human. And I wouldn’t change it for the world (but I have discovered other strategies to learn about myself without losing the light). “The seed germinates in the dark.”
2. Human beings depend on one another. You can’t manage your darkest moments all by yourself; no (hu)man is an island. As a student of human behaviour you may tend to go inward for answers. Sometimes they’re outside. So reach out.
3. And you’re never not going to be challenged, or challenged greatly, again. The real question is, “how do you gather the network of people who can help around you, so you can lean on them when you need them the most.” And don’t forget to ask for help. It’s a two way street.

So know this my friend: in moments of darkness, where you can’t see the forest for the trees, when life appears shattered, you can always reach out. Whether to a friend, a professional or me and the Maximum Growth Community. You’re not alone. We’re here to help you put the pieces back together again.

And if you ever need reminding of your magnificence, I’ll be the first to tell you.

Warm fuzzy squeezes,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Tanya Cross Consulting

{first_name}. A monologue in half an act:

One facilitator, trembling in her pencil skirt,

In fair Australia where we lay our scene,

With sheer will did break from nigh obscurity

And get clients who pay her fee.

Ok, torturous rendition of Shakespeare aside (you’re welcome, btw), I was the poster child for Impostor Syndrome when I started out.

No matter which way you slice it nor what you do for work, thinking “who am I to do this? Why would anyone listen to me?” bites us all at least once.

“But Tanya, you were the first Master Certified facilitator in Australia and you managed and trained the facilitators for years and you presented the 12 month follow up program to The Breakthrough Experience…”

You charmer. Trust me, my put togetherness now is not how it always was.

Allow me to demonstrate:

Transport yourself to 12(ish) years ago. Back to the Wild Wild West of the personal development industry (giddyup!)

Life coaches were being taken to court.

There was a giant fuss about accreditation.

Selling info products was still a relatively new thing at this point, too. (So you couldn’t just whip up an online thing and launch it.)

The term “life coach” was new, too.

“Sorry you’re a what? Like my son’s basketball coach but for my life? Oh, I just remembered I have to feed my cat. Later. *whispers* whacko.”

(Which was fair. Life coaches were everywhere. And most of them got into it because it was their way to heal themselves, not because they wanted to truly serve others. Hence the industry trainwreck.)

Marketing yourself was scary AF.

You had to fight tooth and nail for every shred of self-certainty and belief. Never knowing if that shred was going to be ripped from your heart by a Herald article or another coach’s (probably well intentioned, but stupid) actions.

It was all one giant experiment. One where the parameters changed daily, because the market did.

We tried to figure out what worked and didn’t to get clients… and prove we could truly help people.

I attended and hosted hundreds of seminars & webinars (on GoToWebinar. Yes, I’m that old)…

…spent thousands on shouty, annoying advertising

…networked like a mofo (which always felt contrived at best, dirty at worst)

…And watched the big seminar promotion companies swallow the little guys whole… and then watched their live event ‘pitchfest’ model crumble.

(Remember that? Ew.)

As if the environment wasn’t shaky enough, I was straight-outta-the-training new to facilitating and learning my craft.

Barely had any experience. No Facebook group. No brand recognition.

Oh and the cherry on top?

Other students had been not only studying but facilitating with the Demartini Method for 15 years already by the time I came on the scene.

(Big fish, small pond.)

Who the hell was I to waltz in and start claiming I could do this stuff? Shouldn’t I have joined the back of the queue? Waited my turn? Deferred to seniority?

(Any of this self-talk sounding familiar?)

All this to say:

If self-doubt and fear could nourish starving children I could’ve cured world hunger in like, a week. Two, tops.

So the $1million BHAQ (Big Hairy Audacious Question), {first_name}, was:

How do you become a trusted authority in the middle of this shitshow? And more importantly, get paid for it? Especially when you’ve not even had a chance to prove you can really do it… to yourself?

Fast forward to today and well, clearly things turned out pretty great.

I get to consult with leaders of companies, communities, and I get to work with the incredible Maximum Growth community every day (that’s you, {first_name}. Look sharp!)

Most importantly though, I’ve been doing this gig long enough now I can dodge impostor syndrome.

But it takes work.

I knew that if I just kept showing up, starting conversations, embracing the cost of growing my craft and my brand… to become truly worthy of my dream payday (and career)… that it would happen.

And you know what?

It was scrappy for a few years.

Like those street urchins fighting over a stolen loaf in Oliver Twist.

You’d get a client for one session, and then they’d ghost you. Or you’d host a cracking workshop and no one would buy coaching afterwards. You’d charge bargain basement prices and get drabs, not hordes (even though you were offering your absolute best stuff, which the gurus charged 10x your fee for.)

All of which is like refined sugar for Impostor Voice in your head.

But trying, failing and persisting – that’s how you become known for the thing you love.

(As long as you show up authentically and decide to take responsibility.)

Even more importantly, it’s how you myelinate the ‘certainty pathways’ in your head. Proving to yourself you can be and do and have all the things you want. (And say, buh-bye to Impostor Syndrome.)

Reaching out, talking to mentors and potential clients, keeping your eyes peeled for insights, sharing yours… consistently sharpening your craft on the whetstone of you.

That gives you credibility and poise well before you earn the Master Certification (or equivalent in your industry) and clients who don’t even blink at your pricetag.

If I could give you just one impostor-syndrome busting, client-attracting secret no matter if you’re a facilitator, plumber, real estate agent or still figuring out your next step, (I have more, but this email is looooong already) it would be this:

Serve with what you have right now.

Constantly develop your skills. If not on your clients, on yourself. Because you are your best client. Make mistakes and learn from them. ‘Fail’ a lot. Reach out to others who look like they’re where you want to be and where possible, pay them for their time. Makes their wisdom stick better.

That’s how every single ‘try-fail-learn’ cycle becomes an evolution for you.

And with that evolution comes growth in not only your skills, but your certainty. (And your worth.)

Thankfully, it also avoids the rather morbid fate that two star-crossed lovers endured. (Bonus points if you got that my opening monologue was lifted from Romeo + Juliet 😉

No homework today.

Go out and shine your light.

Love,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Tanya Cross Consulting

Do you remember when you were a kid and you learned to ride a bike?

For me, I was at the top of the hill on Mills St, Hampton in Melbourne. I’m on my pink bike, with tassels hanging from the handle bars, multicolored wheel spoke beads that rattled as I rode, fixed with training wheels, my Dad behind me, and off we went using momentum to get me moving.

Riding our bikes was a family favorite. My brother, Dad and I would venture off down Beach road with million dollar mansions on one side and the bay on the other each weekend. I’d jump on my bike, pedal as fast, my training wheels banging side to side as I pushed harder down.

Everyone started with training wheels (you nod in agreement). No one stopped to question is this the best way to learn how to ride a bike?

When it came to take off the training wheels, this is where I became undone. I had learned how to pedal fast, but not how to balance and ride a bike.

Pedalling is the easy part, anyone can sit on a seat and push down on a pedal (or down and up if you’re a pro strapped into your pedal). It’s the balancing that is the challenge.

Imagine it like a baby learning to walk, but you aided it instead of letting it learn to stand and balance, and take its steps on it’s own. The baby fell down more times than you can count, but they eventually learned to walk.

And one of the skills you learn when riding a bike is that you steer by leaning, and not by turning the handlebars. Training wheels create in the brain tha reverse of this as you’d not be learning at all, and form habits which aren;t helpful for the skill of riding a bike. You then have to unlearn this once the training wheels come off.

So some lessons so far;

• Sometimes what we think is supporting us, is actually holding us back from achieving our goals.
• Sometimes learning the easy way leads to hard work in unlearning the skill.

Fast forward to today, and training wheels are going out and balance bikes are in (it’s a bike without pedals). This way, they can progress from a balanced bike to pedaling and learn the skills required to actually ride a bike.

Why did it take decades for someone to come up with this simple idea? The new study, led by researchers from the University of Virginia, might have the answer: When wanting to make something more effective, it’s a human tendency to add rather than subtract.

You can geek out on all the results of the study here or watch the Youtube Less is more here. In a nutshell,Sixty-one percent of the people in the group who received the reminder made subtractive changes. The control group that didn’t get this reminder only made subtractive changes 41 percent of the time. Followup experiments show that people simply don’t think about subtracting when problem-solving. Thus, their default approach to problem-solving was to add to the initial model.

Maybe this thinking is the reason why some people struggle to work out how to resolve overburdened schedules, solve business challenges or simply how to teach your child to ride a bike. We find ourselves adding more meetings, more steps, more systems, more of something thinking ‘more’ will solve the problem.

Opting for complexity rather than simplification can be because of a sunk-cost bias, in which people continue investing in things for which time, money or effort has already been spent. And taking things away from what you’ve already invested in doesn’t make as much sense.

When we look for solutions, we look to add things on to upgrade them rather than asking what can be taken away.

With

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Tanya Cross Consulting

“No.”

Say it. Go on. Say “no.”

Saying “no” can be difficult, but your business success is based on what you say no to, not what you say yes to and here’s why.

We think success is built on a saying “yes” to opportunities that come our way. We want to grow, take on new opportunities, say yes to deals, even if it seems daunting or uncertain.

Sometimes we even say “yes” out of a fear of turning down an opportunity even once sends a message that we’re not interested, we don’t want the work and we think it will stop getting additional chances or clients in the future.

You can’t serve everyone, nor would you want to either. Plus, your time is not infinite. There’s only so many clients you can see, content you can create, and life outside of work you have each week.

Saying yes can be an instant gratification hit, please others, feel good in the moment but does it lead you to where you’d love your life to be?

You may want to just go with the flow, keep others liking you, and be so accommodating that you lose sight of yourself.

In our business class this week, one of the members shared a story that I had to reshare with you (names excluded for privacy).

She’s been a practitioner for a long time so she’d had lots of practice saying yes to clients that she wanted to say no to. The day she knew she’d learnt this lesson was massive.

She’d said ‘no’ to ‘a seemingly ideal client’, because her intuition said so although she had no logical reason. And especially saying no meant less income which was a strain on a single income family and money being precious.

About 2 months later the client she’d said no to, had an incredibly traumatic experience that I would have been complicit in, that resulted in a death, court cases and the de-registration of practitioners.

She literally looked up at the stars and sent up a prayer of gratitude for listening to herself above all else. She thinks of this client literally every time she doubts her own intuition and says no to clients.

Gives you goosies hey {first_name}.

Saying no can be very powerful to grow your business because it’s what sets the standard of what you’d love your life to be. Saying no to others is saying yes to you.

Notice what you sacrifice when you say yes helps you be able to say “no.” Every yes, that is not a genuine ‘yes’ creates resentment within. You’ll find myself sacrificing you for them. And let’s face it, it generally comes to bite you in the bum eventually.

In an article on saying no in business by Forbes Magazine, they shared “Billionaire Warren Buffett, the chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, has a theory on this subject worth exploring: “The difference between successful people and really successful people,” he says, “is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” Bam!

Your business success is based on what you say no to, not what you say yes to but I can’t help but the thought deeper with you.

It’s tough to turn away a client, money, an offer or promotion, but it’s doing what is most aligned with you even if it means that people are mad or disappointed in you.

Then really it’s more than your ability or inability to say no or not.

The problem underneath the problem is this; how comfortable are you at handling other people’s negative emotions?

And how comfortable are you {first_name}?

Because if you can be with yourself, and handle the burning fire around you, you have mastered yourself.

Which means their emotions are their stuff, not yours. And their experience doesn’t influence your own.

I know a powerful question asking methodology called the Demartini Method that can help transform this dynamics,(click here if you’re curious in joining group coaching). No matter the emotion, nor how uncomfortable it is, there is a question to ask to dissolve your emotions or perceptions of theirs and have appreciation for them and yourself.

There is no need to feel guilty about saying no. (Check out this previous article, the hierarchy of charge (linguistic: annoyed vs F**KING HELL) on how to deal with emotions).

Don’t avoid saying no. Yep. Some people avoid the resistance they’ll get to keep the peace, not ruffle feathers, but you’re avoiding challenge. So how comfortable can you be with the uncomfortable?

No one likes to hear the words ‘no.’ But what if you saying no was freeing them to be served in a way that was more aligned with their outcomes and goals. Or made them more internally resourceful themselves. You might say no more often if you knew the blessings for them.

The thing is, you want to be investing your time (AKA, you only have 24 hour each day, so make them count kind of thinking) in what matters most to you.

Deeply consider what you say yes to, and question yourself. Often people say yes for the short term gain but forget what happens long term. For example, saying yes to clients but they don’t have the challenges you’d love to serve. Or saying yes to doing things with a new partner even though it’s not aligned with who you are long term.

And when there’s uncertainty in your decision, even if only for a moment, take more time to think about your answer or say no. You’ll be grateful that you did.

If it’s a no for now, or no forever, consider having a referral network of people who can send people to. I have a handful of facilitators, practitioners, coaches that I refer to when I know I’m not the best coach for them.

It happened just last week when another Demartini Method Facilitator called asking for me to work with her granddaughter. I instantly felt in my body and mind ‘no.’ I then asked myself, ‘Who do I know that could help her?” And in my little black book I scanned with my mind, I knew it was Silvana LaPegna, the coach who coaches me, and intuitive genius, and that in my body and mind it felt a solid ‘yes.’

A few days later, Silvana let me know the sessions went really well and she has a new perspective and framework to view life, which I know I wouldn’t have been able to give her with my expertise.

So my no, was the success for the client.

No, it’s two little letters, but sometimes extremely hard to say. Learn when and when not to say ‘no’ for the success of not only your business, but your clients.

Here’s my gold nugget of wisdom to take with you today, “I was a yes girl when I first started my business. Say yes, and figure it out later. It took me years to finally start saying no to things that would take me away from my purpose and path. Time is the most valuable thing you have so make sure you invest it wisely.”

With gratitude,

 

Counsellor Cross

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on One and Group Coaching Available

“In your head, in your head
Zombie, zombie, zombie-ie-ie
What’s in your head? In your head?
Zombie, zombie, zombie-ie-ie-ie, oh”

I was in year 8 when this song was released in 1994. And it has been stuck in my head for a long time. Someone only needs to say “you’re in your head’ and this song pops in (see, it just happened to you too! – now sing it out loud. Ok. Ok. Let’s focus on the blog at hand).

Little did I know what was behind the lyrics until recently.

The song was written in response to the death of Johnathan Ball, 3, and Tim Parry, 12, who had been killed in the IRA bombing in Warrington, northwest England, when two devices hidden in litter bins were detonated.

Ball died at the scene of the bombing as a result of his shrapnel-inflicted injuries and, five days later, Parry died in his fathers arms in Liverpool‘s Walton hospital as a result of fatal head injuries. 56 others were injured, some seriously.

The two boys had gone shopping to buy Mother’s Day cards on one of the town’s busiest shopping streets (#pullontheheartstrings).

This is what Dolores O’Riordan wrote about writing “Zombie” the song in 2017.

“There were a lot of bombs going off in London and I remember this one time a child was killed when a bomb was put in a rubbish bin – that’s why there’s that line in the song, ‘A child is slowly taken’. We were on a tour bus and I was near the location where it happened, so it really struck me hard – I was quite young, but I remember being devastated about the innocent children being pulled into that kind of thing. So I suppose that’s why I was saying, ‘It’s not me’ – that even though I’m Irish it wasn’t me, I didn’t do it. Because being Irish, it was quite hard, especially in the UK when there was so much tension.”

Not only did she rise to fame because of this song but it changed alternative rock forever.

O’Riordan said ‘We were just a different type of a band… and we had a lot of our own ideas.’

It wasn’t easy either, there had been a battle over censorship and she had to fight with her record label to see the song even released (and she even gave up a sweet one million to work on another song instead of releasing Zombie).

She believed in the message from the song, she believed in the meaning behind what she wanted to share with the world.

Maybe because in her lyrics it says “And the violence caused such silence” and she didn’t want to be silenced anymore, no amount of money or others telling her no would do it.

“If I think something, I have to say it. And I really don’t care what anybody thinks.” O’Riordan said once in an interview.

Now, flash forward 18 years and if you check out Youtube, you’ll see that she has had over a billion views (For the geeks of the group, it’s 1,123,033,438 and counting).

No denying her message is not out there in the world. Undeniably she changed the music industry too.

It was quoted by some music industry guy ‘They insisted on being genuine, original innovators, crafting their own place in the ethos of alternative rock.’ And that led to a change in music forever.

All because of seeing something as tragic, it impacted her, and then using that as fuel for her craft her message to the world.

So, who else gets in their head that it blocks their inner wisdom and knowledge of the message to share?

I hear a lot of ‘hell yes.’

I love the question ‘what do you want?’ No, ‘what do you really want.’ (I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha), I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah).

Can’t help but talk about this guy as he knows what he wants. And that is Elon.

When he sold Paypal he had $180 million which he reinvested into SpaceX, SolarCity and Tesla. And he allocated half of it SpaceX and SolarCity. Thinking that was a lot of money, and allocated this for three flights, it took more time and more resources than he imagined.

He had to make a choice, put the rest of the money in, or the companies would die.

Anything innovative comes with a risk of failure. Big changes come with big potential outcomes.

If the outcome is inspiring enough to you, the risk is worth the while.

So he put all of the remaining money in and borrowed money from friends for rent.

Times have been challenging, discouraging and there has been a lot at stake.

But, what he is working on, he believes is important to the future of humanity.

What if what you were working on was that you believed in it so much that you were willing to have people go against you, to say no to you, to challenge you but you were unwavering?

Maybe it is sharing universal truths like me, maybe it is changing parenting styles, the health industry, the way people write their copy and connect with their clients.

And maybe you had a deeper message to share with the world.

What I know is you won’t find it being in your head. This little gem of wisdom is found in your heart.

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Tanya Cross Consulting

Hey {first_name},

(make sure you read to the end to find the surprise)

When people are uninspired, their mind becomes occupied with other things and they cannot find their A-game. They lack the get-up-and-go to make changes or even think of new ideas to spark a new path and new possibilities.

In the last 12 years as a leadership coach, counsellor and Demartini Method Facilitator, I’ve had many times I’ve lost my mojo, I put it somewhere and sure as hell couldn’t find it.

The first stage is, I didn’t even know it was missing. Then the next stage is a blinding flash of the obvious that comes into my mind. “I’m uninspired.”

We either berate ourselves (like this guy) or we push ourselves to become inspired again.

So, what do you do?

You could use some motivational quotes to get you through your week like a triple macchiato or this little kid can give you a pep talk (thank you very much).

Or you could give yourself an internal pep talk. Either way, it’s a short term fixing a bigger issue. And that bigger issue is this.

Are you ready for it? For the best results, consider this;

We’ve become very attached to the idea of inspiration as we have entangled it to mean success. If you don’t have that energy flowing through you, you’ve failed. It’s a dirty, great, big waste of life if you aren’t inspired by what you do.

Feeling what I am saying {first_name}?

And that attachment causes you suffering when you’re anything other than inspired.

Yes, let’s face it, you could be uninspired because you have to do low priority actions in business or you have challenging clients. Or perhaps you’re not making the impact or income you would love.

But tell me, have you ever pondered the downside of being inspired? I think not

Let me hit you up with some costs of inspiration. Your body’s ‘on’ and it is harder to sleep, less mental downtime to process, disconnection from the people around you because you’re laser-focused, not empowering other areas of life as the thing you’re focused on becomes the priority above all else, not to mention there is a fine line between inspired and wired, and something you aren’t sure where you are at.

On the other hand, there’s gold nuggets of wisdom to be uninspired, time to just be and rest, time for other areas of life, more present time with family, go back into learning mode, deeper thoughts on our human existence (yes, I have deep thoughts).

So if you are there right now, in that lull, in the hole, or just Numbflixing until the cows come home because you’re uninspired (and underneath all of this you would love things to change), maybe, just maybe, ask yourself “what is the downside of living an inspired life?”

And then just appreciate the ebbs and flows that come with business and life

No one I know is inspired all the time. That is why, at times, people come to me for coaching because they have lost their inspiration, struggling to love what they do like they used to.

You see, you have the idea, and at times require a little help to get the inspiration back online again.

Ain’t nothing wrong (or right) with that.

Now, besides being attached to the idea of inspiration, another kicker is that your vision is a little hazy. When you hit some kick-arse goals, and you’ve achieved what you set out to do, you can easily fall out of inspiration.

Continuing to set goals, creating new possibilities and stretching goals are vital to reinvigorate your inspiration once more, to get the juices flowing.

 

Tanya ‘keepin’ it real’ x
Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on One and Group Coaching Available

P.S. I wanted to share what brings on my mojo again. It’s my secret sauce. That is, learning new things, challenging myself, stretching my abilities, and applying the Demartini Method. I get bucket loads of inspiration and opens the doors to new possibilities. How about you?

P.S.S. I heard from many clients over the last few months about their concerns about Covid, the government, vaccinations, the military, and more of being controlled, forced and creating a lot of brain noise on the topics. Surprise! ​IF you’re open, ready and willing to work through your emotions on these issues, we are running a Conquer Covid Course in the coming weeks. Register your interest here.

There’s a hierarchy of emotional charges within us.

Think of it as a barometer of your perceptions (or misperceptions) of the world around you.

Sad, depressed, despondent.
Annoyed, pissed off, f**king hell.
Dislike, despise, hate.
Grumpy, annoyed, angry.
Glad, happy, excited.
Like, infatuated, …
You get the picture.

Let’s unchecked and unresolved can build up inside that become bigger than Ben-Hur (yes, I was dragged to watch this epic movie at the Astor Theatre in Melbourne as a child).

Then, week in week out, month in month out, year in year out we are building charges that are mounting on top of us, building inside and we become like a landmine waiting to explode.

Your tolerance levels become less, your ability to manage yourself decreases, and when someone says “Hey, you didn’t (insert unloved statement here)’ and all the unloved baggage comes exploding to the surfaces AND comes down on them like a ton of bricks.

Do you know what I mean?!

Charges build up because of the stories we tell ourselves (great article on stories from a Professor of Sociology here. The punchline: we tell somewhat different stories to different people).

What is a typical story you tell yourself when you feel overwhelmed? ‘I’ll never get this done!’ ‘I can’t do this anymore!’ ‘This is too much to handle.’ Then you’re told to spend more time doing something you don’t understand and you’re told it’s essential to the make or break of your business, and bam – overwhelm moves to meltdown.

Or when you’re upset with your spouse because they aren’t prioritizing your relationship, they have shut down and are uncommunicative then they don’t put the bin liner in property and you put the kids leftover food in the bin and it falls off – and bam just pissed off is now f**king hell.

The interesting part about these stories is that they are just thoughts and thoughts are perceptions – and our perceptions are misperceptions. And thank god we have feelings because they are our best feedback mechanism to inform us of how off centre we are about the world around and within us.

If you think that it’s not possible to transform dynamics, people, experiences and your feelings, then this my friends is a time to step back. Its time to reflect and stop pushing those uncomfortable feelings down, saying ‘I’ll deal with it later’ or just plain ignoring them.

Remember that emotions cost.

• When you’re sad, that has a ripple effect to how you show up in business and influences potential clients or customers
• When you’re infatuated with a new client, it can attract resentment towards another old client
• When you’re beating yourself down for a financial ‘mistake’ and you’re head isn’t in work, you struggle with strategic planning and setting inspiring goals

And repressed emotions cost in life, it can affect not only your mind but your body too.

What is even more beautiful is that emotions are revealing of your inner world thinking.

• Anger: an unmet unrealistic expectation
• Excitement: seeing one side, all the positives and being blind to the downside
• Jealousy: the perception that someone else has something you aren’t perceiving within yourself
• Hurt: judgment of someone’s actions that then causes you to feel hurt
• Depressed: comparing your past/someone else’s life and yours don’t match the ideal

I could go on. Your feelings are feedback to give you a glimpse into the psyche of your mind.

And if you don’t make conscious choices to balance your misperceptions, then someone else will have to do it for you (that is, when you’re not dealing with issues, expect the world to force you to deal with them. #lovinguniverse).

The thing that makes a difference in how we feel or what happens is the quality of our questions and the quality of our answers. Asking quality questions helps to shift your perspective to get you back into balance, and you’ll be more governed by how you choose to react with them.

Life is for you to decide.

And life can be transformed with just one question. Feelings can fade (and completely dissolve) with a handful of meaningful answers.

We too often forget we are the captain of our soul and the master of our destiny. And that small effort done consistently is where we see massive results.

So what if you did the small repeated efforts of answering one quality question every day to dissolve a dynamic and have more gratitude to help you reset and get back on track to growing your business, leadership and life?

Kind of like thinking if you go to the gym once a year, it will get you a rocking hot body?!

I think not.

Then how to be self-governed, dissolving emotions if we don’t practice it every week?

That’s wanting the results with the work that wasn’t done (#realityslap).

Or it is expecting (unrealistically mind you) that people ‘should’ be kinder, more understanding, do what you ask the first time.

One of the objectives at Maximum Growth is to learn to apply the Demartini Method to dissolve emotions and get you back on track again (not to mention getting you a serious ROI on your self-education).

And that is why we have weekly classes for you, so week in week out, month in, month out, to change your questions, change your answers, and change your life. Click on the link to find out more (and if you’re already in the community – keep up the great (inner) work).

You see, I envision a world in which leaders growing themselves to grow their business, who are embracing inspiring challenges that serve humanity, and managing greater levels of accountability and responsibility, where leaders continually level up.

And that’s about changing the mental monologue in your mind, dealing with the hierarchy of emotional charge within us.

Come and get a boss level mind makeover in class.

With love and gratitude,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Tanya Cross Consulting

“I find myself having nothing to say. I don’t know what to talk to people about. I don’t know what to post on social media. I have nothing to say.”

Ever felt that way {first_name}?

The first response is what I want to say, or the difficulty in finding a meaningful thought to share with the world rather than the problem behind the problem of why you felt that way in the first place.

Too often, when we’re faced with something difficult, perhaps business is going down, challenges in work dynamics, or even uncertainty in the future, and we look to the immediate problem as the priority.

Yes, there are some immediate things we can do to solve a problem like strategies Forbes offered this article (and that’s great if you want the one-sided positive thinking and #warmfuzzyfeelings, which are only a temporary fix).​

But what if there was a deeper, more pressing issue that you’re not seeing.

For example, you’re walking with a limp, and you focus on the limp (ouch, that’s painful) without realising you have a blister on your right foot that’s grown to the size of Tasmania, creating the limp – get my point.

So take a moment and peek behind the curtains to see what I call the problem is behind the problem. (Go on, you might be fascinated with what you find.)

Here are some examples:

Client 1:

Immediate Problem: “I find myself having nothing to say. I don’t know what to talk to people about. I don’t know what to post on social media, I have nothing to say.” (this is what a client said on Sunday evening to me).

Problem Behind The Problem: “I’m depressed, down, and I don’t want to show up that way, and that is because I have unrealistic expectations of myself to be a certain type of way in public, and that is hard work, so it is easier to say nothing.”

Demartini Method Solution: The highest priority action step you can take is to list how you are ‘supposed’ to show up in public? What are the drawbacks of each item on your list? Keep asking yourself until you now perceive equal drawbacks to the benefits of demonstrating that to the world to yourself and others. Ie. “I have to be happy and bubbly.” Drawbacks are fake, not realistic, not how I feel sometimes, as some examples.

(p.s. Just in case you haven’t heard, the Demartini Method was created by Dr. John Demartini (founder of the Demartini Institute) and is presented in his signature program, The Breakthrough Experience. It’s a systematic procedure and personal transformation methodology as an effective means to solving problems and dissolving emotions).

Client 2:

Immediate Problem: “I want to grow my finances but I keep having challenges with the few clients I do have and they are not paying their invoices and this creates extreme anxieties.”

Problem Behind The Problem: “I don’t deserve to keep the money I earn.”

Demartini Method Solution: The highest priority action step you can take is to list all the things you have done that make you feel undeserving of money. What are the benefits of each item on your list? Keep asking yourself until you now perceive equal benefits to drawbacks to yourself and others. Ie. “I borrowed money from a friend and never paid it back.” Benefits to them are … and check out last week’s blog on finances to get you thinking.

Client 3:

Immediate Problem: “I’m having challenges in my relationship, we argue ALOT, and it is taking my mind off of business.”

Problem Behind The Problem: “I’m definitely infatuated with business and business growth. I love what I do and most of my energy goes there.”

Demartini Method Solution: The highest priority action step you can take is to take work off the pedestal to bring the relationship out of the pit. What are the drawbacks of putting a lot of my focus at work? What are the drawbacks of work? Until you know you are certain there are drawbacks and benefits to working and being focused on work.

No, there’s not always, every time, at every moment a deeper underlying issue (we don’t defy universal laws with ‘always’ peeps), but it pays to dig a little deeper. The reason is that you can dissolve surface tension but if the blister on your foot is not addressed, then the problem may continue to rear its head again.

It is possible to have a deep breakthrough experience by going deeper.

So take a moment now,

pause, take a breath, and think of one challenge you face in business, in leadership or life, and do some digging.

What is really going on? Is the inverse of what you’re wanting creating the current challenge? Is it related to your family dynamic? Have you seen this pattern before in another area of life?

Notice what you notice. What did you uncover? I’d love to hear from you {first_name}.

If you want to shift low self-esteem, depression, lacking clarity in your vision, any problem you are faced with, then there is a determined series of mental questions that can help you to perceive a greater intelligence to your experience and see a bigger purpose in life. You’ll see the real truth of our nature hidden in the problem behind the problem.

So take the time to seek a deeper solution by finding the problem behind the problem. And if you want to geek out and apply the Demartini Method with a Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator, then come join Maximum Growth, a community of other leaders with a bigger purpose and use this powerful process to create an impact and income that is meaningful.

See you on the inside,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Tanya Cross Consulting

One thing that is clear in my mind is that I was not prepared for life. At 18, I moved two states away from my family and lacked an understanding of what adulting was all about.

Shortly after venturing out into the world on my own, I was in the kitchen with some eggs in hand, water on the stove, and had no idea what to do (pre Google days peeps!). I rang my sister, “Tash, how do I boil an egg?”

(yes, I hang my head in shame. . .)

If I couldn’t even feed myself, how the hell was I supposed to manage my money, let alone grow it?

Yes, I left school and transitioned into the school of hard knocks (and some severe uppercuts). It wasn’t long before I had no income, no money in my account and was going to the Salvation Army for food and essentials to survive.

My thoughts were a hand to mouth money mindset and having a millionaire mindset didn’t even cross my mind.

It wasn’t until I read the One Minute Millionaire, and aimed to be a millionaire, that it destroyed my finances. Let me explain {first_name}.

You might be surprised to know that many people who have earned millions of dollars during their entire working life end up spending all their money and have very little savings. Some have chosen a lifestyle now over savings for the future.

Let’s break it down;

If you earned, on average, $100,000 per year over a 30-year period, that’s $3,000,000. And that is being conservative, as most people earn more money every year, and their income tends to rise as their level of expertise grows.

If you started with $100,000 in savings and added $10,000 to saving each year, with a 6% return over 30 years, you’re looking at $1,467,038.

See, a millionaire’s mindset destroys your financial future.

Millionaire status is easy to achieve and with little risk and investing. And you set the bar too low.

I, like many other people, was never taught how to think about money, nor even believe what could be possible.

Currently in Australia,

More than average wealth looks like this:
Median net worth: $558,800
Money in the bank: $30,800
Value of shares: $3800
Value of private trust: $1,300
Value of super fund: $112,900
Average Weekly Income Before-tax: $2,216

Less than average wealth
Median net worth: $31,500
Money in the bank: $6,500
Value of shares: N/A
Value of private trust: N/A
Value of super fund: $17,200
Average Weekly Income Before-tax: $1,260

Geek out here or if you want a broader view according to your own generation, check this out.

This isn’t to get comparisonitis {first_name}, it is to see it is collective thinking about money that influences people’s net worth. And something has to change.

And change has to start within you first.

So here are my top three tips to apply today to help you to shift your money mindset;

1. You can earn all the money in the world, but if you don’t believe you deserve it, you ain’t keeping it, my friend. Deserve isn’t something you spontaneously feel or don’t feel, it can be created by shifting your internal thinking. So let’s start with a dirty laundry list. Make a long list of everything you feel shameful or guilty about, either what you have done or not done, whether it is public or private. When you have the list, start working away on this by asking yourself the Demartini Method question in Column 10 and Column 14, which is about the benefits of what happened to you and others (column 10), and the drawbacks to you and others if it had been the opposite way (column 14). An example is me finding the benefits to myself of not knowing how to cook an egg at 18, and the drawbacks if I did know to dissolve the shame and love myself for what I didn’t know. It is powerful to appreciate what happened and dissolve your misperceptions. As you dissolve shame and guilt, you’ll notice an increase in your deserve levels.
2. Most financial experts recommend saving up to six months worth of living expenses in a savings account in case you need it immediately to take care of a job loss or other emergency. In addition to an emergency fund, this doesn’t include setting aside the money you may need to send your children to university or college, holidays or medical expenses. Create a separate account for your emergency fund so that you have security if something happens, you can ride it out. The benefit in your mind is that you aren’t stressed about money and live week to week, but have a cushion behind you just in case you fall (your butt will thank you for the soft landing when you’ve kicked your butt into gear and saved this money).
3. Now, let’s get down to business, it’s time for you to awaken the light within and set a stretch goal for your finances. Think about what you’d love to achieve in a lifetime, and stretch it, make it uncomfortable but not unbelievable. And come back every year and adjust it accordingly.

 

Believe. Conceive. Achieve.

It starts on the inside of you {first_name}.

And remember, you’re born to live up to the light within you. And maybe that is bigger than you ever thought possible.

See you on the inside,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

Tanya Cross Consulting

Ever felt like a fraud? That you don’t know enough and are less of an expert than others perceive you to be?

In 62 studies, with over 14,161 participants, the prevalence rates of impostor syndrome varied widely from 9% to 82% largely depending on the screening tool and cutoff used to assess the symptoms. You can geek out on the stats here.

What was discovered was, Impostor Syndrome was common among both men and women and across a range of age groups (adolescents to late-stage professionals). Impostor syndrome is often linked with depression and anxiety and is associated with impaired job performance, job satisfaction, and burnout. (And that’s because how we view ourselves has a ripple effect on all other aspects of our life.)

Impostor Syndrome is also seen in people who challenge themselves, like CEOs and entrepreneurs, who find themselves with a feeling of being fraud or fake since they’re in a state of ongoing growth and discomfort.

I hear this with new business owners who are learning a new skill AND building a business who are driving changes in their business strategy, shifting their services or ideal target clients. Thoughts in their heads say “you’ll never be able to do this!” or “how can you charge money for something you have not yet mastered yourself?”

Now, no matter where you’re at in your career, most people have felt this way on the journey. I felt this when I was at the beginning of my journey as a Demartini Method Facilitator. I thought, ‘why would people listen to me, and what I have to say?’ and I even felt I didn’t have anything important to say anyway.

The imposter mindset is demonstrated by feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, manifesting in the continual questioning of one’s own competence. It’s thinking you’re not intelligent enough to do the work, you’re not an expert and you worry people will eventually find out how much you don’t know and see straight through you, like being caught with your pants down kind-of-moment.

(Oh!!! Flashback to my grade 3 end of year production where I’m wearing a cowgirl outfit in front of the entire school and I had a wardrobe malfunction, and my pants fell off – no imposter syndrome there, only fully exposed and real).

Let’s go deeper with Imposter Syndrome because it is deeper than the thoughts you think, it is perfect feedback to let you know you’re not living up to the light within you. You’re slowly snuffing your own flame out. You’re slowly dying inside.

So let’s cover the top three impostor syndrome dynamics and more importantly, what to do to shift this sucker;

1. I am not a real expert.

When you say to yourself you’re not a real expert, you believe you don’t know enough. The void of not knowing is so great, that you minimise yourself, and, as a byproduct, play down what you do know.

Another definition of Imposter Syndrome is “a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in the face of information that indicates that the opposite is true.”

You’re not seeing your wealth of wisdom within. You focus on the unknown information rather than the known information. You know more than you realise.

Gold Nugget Of Wisdom: Focus on what you do know while beavering away in the background mastering your skills and knowledge. Spending time with others who know more than you, soak up their wisdom while watching someone with a greater level of mastery. And it is the small steps, acted on repeatedly that will raise your expertise.

Apply The Demartini Method: Go to a moment you perceived yourself to not know enough. And ask this powerful question, how did it serve yourself (and anyone else who was there) that, in that moment, you didn’t know enough? (This is column 10 of the Demartini Method) Keep asking and answering until you are certain it was both a help and hinderance to you to not know enough.

2. People know more than me.

Yes, this is true. So untruths were detected there. People do know more than you and this is true at any level of knowledge.

Some people think that everyone else has something they don’t and that they are or won’t be at the same level. They’re not playing small and minimise what they know or don’t know but to people around them. They think of themselves as an impostor, not qualified to do anything but sit in the background and take notes.

The more you minimise yourself to others, the more you minimise to more people, the greater the imposter syndrome you’ll have as you’re squishing your own light and love to share with the world.

Gold Nugget Of Wisdom: Remember, you spot it, you got it! Yes, the world is your mirror. So ask yourself where and when you have displayed expertise or knowledge in the same or similar way as the people around you. And ask and answer this repeatedly until you wake up within your expertise. And watch yourself level up.

Apply The Demartini Method: Make a long list of everything you do know (this is column 12 of the Demartini Method) until you realise that you’re a freakin’ genius and have a lot fo share with the world.

3. I’ll be exposed as a fraud.

People with Impostor Syndrome think “who am I to do this?” and “Why would anyone listen to me?” They can feel like they stop themselves from trying something new in business for fear of being exposed as a fraud.

This is a deeper issue. It is not just about being exposed, but they’re also saying they don’t deserve success. It’s an internal sense of doubting their own ability, expertise and disbelieving they can be successful.

Now, what is interesting, if we go down the rabbit hole to find the problem under the problem, doubting their own ability can be because of two factors.

Overly high standards can lead to an inability to see and appreciate your expertise, leading to feeling more like a fraud and not deserving success.

Striving to be a perfectionist (the unrealistic one-sided perfection) leads people to feel disappointed and not acknowledge their successes, however small.

This, when left unchecked and unbalanced, over time can lead to more feelings of self-criticism and low self-esteem. Again, another ripple effect onto other areas of life because you then compare yourself more to others, which leads to greater imposter syndrome thoughts.

Gold Nugget Of Wisdom: I can’t go past this without bringing in universal law. When you attach to a one-sided world, it draws in the counterbalanced nightmare. When you want so desperately a one-sided world, you suffer more. If you attach to being an expert and knowing, if you must have what you deliver to your clients as perfect, no mistakes, no errors, then you’ll be living in a one-sided illusion. Look for the drawbacks of each of these until you crack the fantasy and pop the bubble.

Apply The Demartini Method: When you doubt your own ability, expertise and disbelieving you can be successful, more often than not there is an entangled fantasy of being ‘successful.’ You want to be seen as an expert in the field. Like everything, it has it’s downside too. To dissolve this dynamic, go to a moment you perceived yourself to not be an expert. Ask the question if in that moment you had perceived yourself as an expert, what would have been the drawback in that moment and from that moment onwards (this is column 14 of the Demartini Method. Crack any illusion that the opposite would have been better.

Time to shake off the shackles of your misperceptions, and remember you’re not bound to succeed, you’re bound to live up to the light within you.

Shine bright,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Tanya Cross Consulting

27 year old me was so naive.

Allow me to set the scene for you:

I’m at this hole-in-the-wall Greek Restaurant called Estia’s with my sister Natasha and her friend. I’m feeling like Tanya 2.0 after a life-changing personal development seminar a few months before.

And Ella (the friend) shares with me that she has cancer.

She says it casually enough that I responded in my usual style – i.e. with helpful insight and without fluff:

“Cancer is caused by black and white thinking.”

Can tell you straight up: this is how you lose friends and influence no one. I doubt even Mary Poppin’s spoonful of sugar would have helped our dearest Ella swallow my life-advice pill.

She was shocked.

Natasha was eyes-bugging, splotchy red cheek mad at me. “How dare you speak to my friend like that??!! You have no idea how tough this is for her!!” (Shouty capitals and colourful word choices not included.)

I tell ya, {first_name}. We put on a show that Estia’s hosts could have charged for and Netflix would have turned into a mega hit drama.

Side note: Natasha and I never fought. I know this is extreme language but we never disagreed, raised our voices, cat scratched each other… our entire life.

I loved her (still do) and by this point I had realised that most of my friends just weren’t on the same page as me.

They just didn’t care about personal growth or other cool stuff that I did – like doing what you love and making moolah (AKA lots of money) from it. Or getting to talk about deep stuff and explore the mysteries of human behaviour and the universe. I hadn’t found another new circle where I could jive and nerd out on personal development stuff yet. Or even other people to help me understand this new perspective on life.

Even so, Natasha was one of the only people who I still loved hanging around.

We didn’t speak for months after our big fat greek cat fight. So of course I felt even more lonely and misunderstood.

Looking back, it was my own doing really. When I first started delving into personal development, I tried hard to stay connected with my old life.

But New And Expanded Tanya (with her growth mindset) didn’t fit in with the friendships I had before.

Turns out, casting your pearls of wisdom before your non-personal-development friends ask for them does not make a long-lasting relationship.

It does make life lonely though.

You can probably relate. You learn an insight that moves you and changes your life. You want to share that with the people you love, thinking they’ll be as profoundly shifted as you. But they don’t get it. Or they don’t care. Or worse, they think you’re attacking them. (I call upon the feta & olive Gods as witness to this fact.)

So people drop off. You drift from one friend circle to another but never really click. And it gets lonely, fast.

But the truth is, no matter how far along the journey you are, you’re going to grow faster than others. And at each new level, it gets harder to find people who think like you.

Expanded minds are rare, {first_name}. Especially if the only place you congregate is expensive seminars two or three times a year, like we all used to back in the day.

And The ‘Rona has influenced our ability to connect socially in the land of online seminars.

But fear not.

You have now found where the rest of us hang out. You’ve found your peeps!

So welcome to Maximum Growth Community.

Whether you are a member, a past member, a contemplating being a member or just on the sidelines, we have our Students of Wisdom Facebook group. Connect with other self-growers like you and come to a higher level of understanding together.

This group is a chance for you to share your thoughts, your presence and your wisdom (or just lurk and listen if that’s more your style.)

Consider this your invitation to the Greek Restaurant conversation that could have been.

I’d love to see you on the inside there and have your unique voice in the room, {first_name}.

And send this along to anyone who you think would make a great student of wisdom, too. If they’re like you, at all, they’re welcome in our world.

Can’t wait to dive into more deep discussions with you!

Have a beautiful week,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

Tanya Cross Consulting

PS – Margaret Mead famously said, “never underestimate the power of a small group of people to change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” We are tiny but mighty together.

Have you heard the news?

Elon Musk is selling all his possessions in his plight to colonise Mars.

A billionaire, who could have anything he wants in the world, has decided to downsize, and sell his last remaining home, a 47-acre Bay Area estate, hits the market for $37.5 million.

He now rents a home close to SpaceX so he doesn’t have to travel so far to work (that’s kind of a beautiful balance of travel close and travel a distance).

Here is a photo of his rental, being upgraded.

So what’s the deeper message here? To give up all your worldly possessions and join his ship?

I think not.

Here are some gold nuggets of wisdom;

1. Focus on a meaningful mission that is not about the money (unless money is your top value, then go focus on money).
2. What are you prepared to give up to get in return for your mission? Because you can’t gain without a loss (and vice versa). This man is willing to give up any luxury, any worldly possessions for his mission? Maybe you don’t feel inspired to go down that path, but perhaps you might give up a social life, or holiday time to meet your objective.
3. I would say that he had a value shift, something has changed within him as he is reinvesting almost everything into business. But, on reflecting, this is his pattern. When he sold Paypal, he reinvested everything into Tesla and SpaceX. So it is not surprising that he has done this again. He has been tested in his mission. And it seems unstoppable.
4. The last gold nugget of wisdom is the most important one of all. You can never have a meaningful mission without truly knowing yourself. When you know yourself, you can create a message around what is meaningful to you. Knowing yourself comes through awareness of yourself.

To be aware of yourself you have to go deep into what makes you, you. Dogen Zenji, writer and philosopher said, ‘the study of self is the study of all things.’

This is why, week after week, month after month, now year after year we focus on applying the Demartini Method, to dissolve our disillusions and resolve our resentments to have a transcendent experience and listen to the deeper message from our soul.

And this is why you are willing to be persecuted for your mission because you’d rather listen to your soul than your senses (which is trying to be liked and approved by people).

Now it is time to ponder, what is your inspired message which you would love to share with the world?

Here’s to looking up to the stars and wondering this weekend

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

Tanya Cross Consulting

“Save 10% of your income!”

Thanks to The Richest Man in Babylon for this mantra.

This is a great idea, but there is a caveat; if you’re in debt and have no savings it doesn’t make sense.

Here’s a scenario:

You’re in debt, and maxed your credit card out which you’re paying 19% interest on the balance of $1,000 (this is just a number for educational purposes).

You receive your monthly pay and you “save 10% of your income.” You put it into your savings account which will pay you less than 1% interest and at the end of one year you will have $1,010 BEFORE taxes.

Woot, earned $10… In. One. Year. ????

If you paid off your credit card, you would save yourself $190.

That’s a $180 difference.

Realize that by “investing” in your debt (by paying it off) you’re getting a guaranteed return on your money.

BUT, additional caveat here too; it isn’t just about paying off debt, it is about shifting your mindset that created the debt in the first place.

If not, you’ll find yourself working hard, paying off debt, and then finding yourself back in debt again thinking to yourself, how did this happen?! (on that wheel of Samsara again).

So here are three tips to shift debt (and the secret sauce is appreciation in many forms);

Tip 1# Appreciate your debt will help reduce your debt

Every decision you have made about your finances has been based on what you think will give you the greatest amount of reward over risk. You’ll only choose something if you know it will give you the best yield in your own hierarchy of values.

Resentment can build towards paying off debt, the emotional burden makes it harder and more difficult to pay back (or you might just not want to pay it back at all – and this piling on more guilt).

When you‘re grateful for the money you have borrowed it’s easier to not only generate the money to pay it all back but also to give it back.

Create appreciation for your debt by asking yourself what are the benefits of that debt until you are grateful for it. You’ll then be more likely to have a drive to pay it back (and less guilt on your shoulders too).

Tip 2# Buy what appreciates, not depreciates

People are in distress financially because of a lack of long term thinking and drawn into short term spending.

This was proven in the Marshmallow experiment in the 1960’s. Children were given two options, have one marshmallow now or wait a little longer and receive two.

The children who were willing to delay gratification and waited to receive their second marshmallow ended up having higher SAT scores, lower levels of substance abuse, lower likelihood of obesity, better responses to stress, better social skills as reported by their parents, and generally better scores in a range of other life measures. Oh and more money in their accounts.

The researchers followed each child for more than 40 years and over and over again, the group who waited patiently for the second marshmallow succeeded in whatever capacity they were measuring.

So, think about your last 5 purchases. Will they appreciate in value (or you have a mapped out plan to know how to recoup the investment? Or were they depreciating or just plain pleasurable purchases (AKA, you ate the first marshmallow and didn’t patiently wait)?

To build wealth, the idea is to buy less depreciating assets and obtain assets that will appreciate in value. Why? Because you are investing in your long term financial future. You’re less focused on the instant gratification, pleasure drug it, more self governed. But hey, you can’t do this unless you have mastered the next tip.

Tip 3# Appreciate wealth

Let me repeat the message from the number 1 tip, that every decision you have made about finances has been based on what you think will give you the greatest amount of reward over risk. You’ll only choose something if you know it will give you the best yield in your own hierarchy of values.

Therefore, we spend money on our highest values.

AND, we’re in debt according to our hierarchy of values.

Change your values, change your wealth potential. (delete (which means less likely to be in debt too).​

Any value you have that is ABOVE building wealth, saving and investing, growing finances you’ll spend your money on. So hence why, the lower it is, or if it is not on your list of priorities, then it is very difficult to grow wealth.

If you want to shift to increase your wealth potential, then ask yourself how does building wealth/saving and investing/growing finances (whatever statement is the best for you) serve each of your values.

Make links to each value so many times until you see a strong connection. You’re certain your values will be met when you focus on building wealth/saving and investing/growing finances.

Then, when debt has shifted and it now makes more sense to “save 10% of your income” then the next hurdle is to get comfortable with risk so you can grow your little honey pot.

So to wrap up this week in a nutshell, appreciate your debt, appreciate your wealth, buy assets which appreciate and you’ll appreciate yourself for it.

A truckload of appreciation to you for reading until the end,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

Tanya Cross Consulting

P.S. I’m not a financial advisor, I have jedi mind skills. Please do your research on your own figures to see what the best strategies are for your financial situation.

“I’m a failure, my business isn’t growing as fast as I wanted it to.”

**Deep sigh***

I hear this from new business owners a lot.

The mind’s primary role is to organize, manage and deal with information – information that already exists, that needs to be processed and new information.

But… “don’t believe everything you think.”

Many people function as if whatever is revealed in the canvas of their mind is actually real. They believe the negative self-talk, the doubt, the uncertainty, and take it as fact.

The mind, when untrained, has difficulty slowing down. The thoughts, debates, and conversations, just keep chasing themselves round and round like a dog chasing its own tail (think sleepless nights going over the same conversation outcome).

When the chatter in the mind takes over, they are drowned by the “many voices”. You can’t create the time and space to pause to hear the message from the “inner voice.”

If you don’t create space from all the mental noise, if you don’t train the mind, you react rather than respond.

The beautiful thing is, any rumination, any perceived negative thoughts in your mind is incomplete awareness trying to dissolve and resolve the emotional charge (thanks mind for doing it’s job).

One way to decrease the inner voices, decrease the brain is to ask how whatever the content of the distraction in your mind, is serving you until you see the perfection, and you feel there is nothing to change (we learn this tool in our Maximum Growth Mindset Classes every week – you’ll apply the Demartini Method week in week out, month in month out for huge transformation).

When you see the blessings, there isn’t anything you need to process, and your mind quietens.

Here, in the stillness, your inner voice, your soul’s guidance becomes clearer and more certain. AKA, better night’s sleep!

See you on the inside,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

Private Coaching Available

How aware are you of the impact and influence you have on those you lead?

How aware are you of your inner world relative to your outer world when it comes to leadership and business?

It makes it much more difficult to lead others if you are not aware of how to lead yourself (blind leading the blind kind of dynamic). You are unaware and even oblivious of the deeper reason and meaning of why things happen and what you can do to shift the dynamic.

We have 4 different selves within us (this is adapted from The Johari Window Model).

The Open Self: You are aware of the parts (or traits, actions and inactions within you), you own it and openly show it to the world. You don’t hold back and feel freedom to express this part of yourself.

The Hidden Self: You are aware of the parts (or traits, actions and inactions within you) or past experiences and attempt to hide it from the world. This may consist of feelings, ambitions, dreams, opinions and past choices which you withheld from sharing out of fear of negative reaction.

Your hidden self is the part you are still judging in yourself (or traits, actions and inactions you have yet to own), and haven’t fully owned or embraced it within you. Once you trust another individual, you may choose to reveal some of your hidden self.

The Blind Self: You are unaware of the parts (or traits, actions and inactions within you) and don’t own it (or even disown it). The idea is to identify the blind spots (sometimes you need someone else to spot them for you) in your leadership and life then own it within you so that you can play hero and villain as a leader.

The Unknown Self: You are unaware of the parts (or traits, actions and inactions within you) and you don’t own, and no one is reflecting back to you. These can be subconscious charges that you’re unaware of such as early childhood memories and undiscovered talents.

You don’t know what you don’t know so don’t stress about what you don’t know to stress about. (Don’t worry about what you don’t know).

Self-awareness helps you to recognise your struggles and your strengths and continue to level up your leadership. You don’t have to hide your vulnerabilities, instead be open to exploring them with a mindset to grow.

It’s your struggles that create a growth ceiling on yourself and prevent you from levelling up.

You can only rise to the degree you are willing to work through your struggles.

If you don’t, over time this will cost a sense of not being your whole self. And that sucks.

What are you hiding from the world that you know if you cleared would help you level up as a leader?

In the Maximum Growth Business Membership, we had some beautiful reveals of our hidden selves. And then having the courage to Do. The. Work.

Practising self-awareness takes time and holding the mirror to yourself. It gets you to face parts of yourself that you might want to but when you do, a weight is lifted off your shoulders and you are (mentally) freer to leave a bigger legacy as fear is not holding you back.

See you on the inside,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

Tanya Cross Consulting

Bonnie turned 2 last month. This had come with a flooding of people saying “oh, this is when it gets really tough, they throw tantrums, get upset, refuse to do what you say, say no ALOT.”

So let’s talk about the terrible twos. No, let’s talk about human behaviour because let’s face it, even as adults we sometimes spit the dummy.

Emotions serve a purpose.

When you’re challenged with what you want, or what is important to you, you’ll find yourself using emotion as a strategy to get what you want. Or maybe using emotions as you don’t want to say what is on your mind, so crying says it for you.

And emotions can be amplified because of your environment.

When you’re in an environment where people are calm and centred, you feel it too.

Oh, do you remember the panic buying in the supermarkets last year? Just walking in there I wanted to buy EVERYTHING I didn’t need and 20 items of anything I did.

It leaves the question, when you’re upset and having a meltdown, how long do you stay in your emotional state, and when do you come back to centre? (or how long do you allow others to be emotional before you say – hey, time to work on it).

Here is the thing, sometimes you just need someone, like this guy, to be there for you. #holdthespace

There is a time and place for someone to hold this space for us, to allow us time to express ourselves and how we feel. To vent. (And it feels so good! I ain’t going to lie).

I have seen clients lose themselves in their business and lose themselves when their business has fallen apart and no longer exists. I have seen clients struggle with their niche and what service to offer the world. Even being slammed by the media for something that is not true and was worried business would slow down. #majormeltdown

They come because they are ready to process their emotions, to do the work and get back on track with fulfilling their vision.

I have witnessed some incredible transformations in people from doing internal work on themselves (think disgusting habits stopping, affection starting again in a relationship, aggression from the other party calming, and people calling again after having a strained relationship).

This is the paradox we have to grapple as a leader.

When to feel through it and when to work on it.

It’s tough as there is no prescription that tells you what to do. I wish I had the answer but I don’t. Only you will know.

Next time you have a moment, you want to throw all your toys out of the cot, check-in with yourself to see if you are really “feeling the full force of the emotions” and “when will you be ready to work on it.”

See you on the inside,

Tanya Cross

Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach

Tanya Cross Consulting

After spending a long weekend with my family, I hugged my Mum goodbye and for the first time in my entire life, she cried in my arms (you know the sobbing that makes your whole body shake kind of cry).

Wrapping my arms tighter around her small frame I asked “What is hurting in your heart?”

She replies, “I don’t know how much time I have left here. And if I’ll get to see everyone again.”

Death is confronting.

There was a period of time where death seemed to be creeping into our home more and more. My father had been sick on and off for years with major illnesses, surgeries, he and our family had faced death or the fear of death many times.

My parents, each visit or phone call would want to talk about their death with my sister, brother and me.

They’re prepared, a funeral prayer book is written, hymns are decided, a financial plan arranged, the works.

Now, it’s my mum’s turn to feel her mortality like something is creeping over her as she lives, slowly ready to take her at any moment.

Death is confronting as it makes you face your life.

While flying home (and in between Bonnie crawling all over me between seats to get the best view) I reflected on my future when I am in my 80’s and what I would love my life to be, what would I love to have created and what mark do I want to leave on the world (I know for sure it isn’t ticking off every Netflix series).

My Mum has been my greatest teacher and has taught me to not only walk a spiritual path but be prepared to dedicate your life to a cause and a mission that is serving humanity.

Everyone has a mission, a purpose on earth. Some people take 50 years to awaken to it, others know it as a child. It doesn’t matter when you find and follow it, it matters to keep following your inner knowing for that divine calling as it has more wisdom than you can intellectualise.

It isn’t about comparing yourself to others (that’ll shut it down quickly).

It isn’t about following someone else’s calling (that’s Killing Me Softly)

It isn’t about thinking with your head about your mission is (off with their heads – Thanks Queen of Hearts).

Let me bring it home with a little wisdom from Abraham Lincoln I shared a few weeks ago and it is perfect here again, “I’m not bound to win, I’m bound to be true. I’m not bound to succeed, I’m bound to live up to the light within me.”

And you are.

You have a light to shine on the world.

No. Let me re-say that you have a unique light to shine on the world, that only you can do.

In the Maximum Growth Business Membership, we have finished a block of classes on unpacking and revealing a Philosophia for life.

This process has been so deeply moving that each session (and for those that watched the recordings) had rolling goosebumps and tears, and saw their vision for their life right in front of them.

Their certainty in their own path, their own purpose, their meaningful mission grew. A spark ignited for some, for others it burned brighter.

And all from 5 hours of retrospection, introspection, prospection (that’s looking forward in time).

Everyone has a unique mission to share with the world (or a group of people in a little corner of the internet).

Only you can know it (I have some quality questions to ask to reveal it).

What’s five hours of time to dedicate to awaken something powerful within yourself that creates your life to be more meaningful?

Not much.

If you are interested in joining (or upgrading) to the Maximum Growth Business Membership, come and join us every week to help you to create a living, life and legacy you love.

Check out more details here.

See you on the inside,

Tanya Cross

Leadership Coach
Counsellor & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

In the Mindset Class last week, one of our MG Members, Danny shared he wanted to embrace criticism. We’ve all been there at one stage or another.

I reflected on who I perceived to do this well, and hands down it’s Donald Trump. He could be composed and continue about his business while receiving intense criticism.

Trump was fascinating to watch. I’ve racked my brain and I can’t think of a more transparent global demonstration of human behaviour from the last decade than when Trump was president.

His behaviour was a perfect example of the play of universal principles.

So, let’s go down the rabbit hole and have a chance to fine-tune your universal principle preceptors at a global scale by reviewing Trump’s term as president.

Law Of Equilibrium

The more self-righteous Trump became, the more the universe tried to bring him back down.

We saw this when Pennsylvania immediately threw out of court his bid to stop counting the votes. (A blow to his ego and public image.)

If he played within the rule-book with a more balanced perspective, maybe he’d be able to make a stronger case (one aligned with democratic proceedings that would get consideration in court.)

Intuitively I’d say he may have been cocky about winning. That’s a factor in why the tides turned towards Biden’s favour. And he’s less public now. Sometimes we hide when we are faced with a publicly humbling circumstance (have you been there {Name}?).

LESSON: If you don’t govern your inner world, expect the outer world to govern you.

Law of Reflection and Transparency (Column 2&9 if you’re a fellow Demartini Method nerd)

Often you would hear Trump talk about fake news, dishonesty, being a phoney, part of the campaign to win the election was about Hillary Clinton being crooked.

What is interesting is that, as of Trump’s 100th day in office, there were 492 false or misleading claims (fact check here).

It’s a great reminder that you don’t see the world as it is, you see it as you are. The world is your mirror.

LESSON: Your emotional charges show how you perceive the world and are revealed in your language.

You can also learn alot from someone else, when you listen to what they say. If they say “you’re hiding something” it is more likely they have hidden something and feel guilt about it, and perceiving it in you.

Law Of Perceived Value

Trump had done so well at communicating in the Republicans’ values (whether you agree with his stance or not) that they’re moved to action from voting for him a little over 4 years ago and going to Capitol Hill in December.

He doesn’t need evidence or facts to mobilise his followers when he uses their language, when he speaks to what is important to them.

Like it or not, that’s a key trait of a powerful leader: knowing and talking to your people. This is also why this is the largest voter turnout in the history of the US – both candidates have spoken to inspire (their people) or polarise the masses (as not everyone values what the leader stands for).

LESSON: No matter what level you play at, you’ll have your haters (waving to my haters now wave????????).

Law Of Lesser Pissers

I personally love the Law Of Lesser Pissers.

Being pissed off is conserved. Too often we want to play Mr Nice Guy/The Good Girl, and we sacrifice ourselves and what we want to please the outside world. But internally, we build up resentment, to the point of pissing ourselves off for not doing what we wanted (ouch).

LESSON: No matter what, in some circumstances, someone will be pissed off. Who would you rather it be? You? Or them?

Now take a moment to see these Universal Principles in your own life.

Examine the Universal Principles at work… and you see a bigger, brighter and beautiful whole story unfold.

With universal love and wisdom,

Tanya Cross

Leadership Coach

Counsellor & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

Zero to 100 in 1 second.

That’s how fast I found myself fuming! (that’s faster than a lamborghini BTW).

No one can make us feel anything except your perceptions of your experience creates how you feel. It is the realization that you are the only person who can be responsible for your feelings and your reactions and thus your fulfillment.

But it is not that easy.

When you are living unconsciously, what someone says or does can “trigger” a reaction within you. If you are not conscious of what is happening, you will react as if the other person is doing something to you, when in fact it is you who are doing the doing.

When you are living consciously, you become responsible for yourself, your experience and your actions.

You seek maximum growth within yourself and are less prone to reaction (and it still will happen – you can’t escape it).

True liberation starts by taking responsibility for your own actions (and of course, your reactions), and instead of laying blame elsewhere, choosing to have full thinking, full awareness of your experience, seeing how the struggle, the challenge is serving.

So you’re probably wondering what got my all fired up?

I have booked 4 days next week to see my family in Melbourne. We are all flying in to spend time in the nest. Poppy has prepared the menu, rooms are ready for us to arrive (thanks Nana!) and I have been explaining to Bonnie we are going to (finally) see everyone.

But, there has been 1 case of ‘rona in Sydney (no, I did not leave any zero’s off that number). Now the news is reporting the next two weeks will be critical.

Fuming. For a second. Ridiculous. F**king Idiots (and a lot of head shaking).

Then, my training of asking quality questions and applying quality answers using the Demartini Method come into play.

I want to make sure if we couldn’t fly, I am adaptable, and flexible. So I ask myself how would it serve Bonnie, myself and my family to not go to Melbourne next week?

I dissolve any attachment (and excitement) in going, ground myself and become grateful at the possibility.

If we hold onto baggage, it costs us greatly. It costs time thinking about it, energy talking about it, it can even be all consuming.

When you look inward and self-reflect on your part of the dynamic, you find deeper meaning and understanding in your situation. You find the ‘why’, the reason it has unfolded in this way, at this time for you. Then, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Gold Nugget Of Wisdom: the quality of your life is determined by the quality of questions you ask and the quality of answers you provide.

Tanya “owning my name” Cross x

Leadership Coach

Counsellor & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

It can be a hard pill to swallow.

The resentment for the decisions you made that led to the demise, the public shame, how to face the world again? Can you relate?

Michael Jordan experienced a significant failure and he locked himself in his room to cry (oh thats me last week).

Oprah Winfrey was not given any job because she was deemed to be ineligible for television work.

Walt Disney experienced a significant failure as he was denied a job in the newspaper agency.

Yet Micheal never let his failure get to him and with practice and hard work, he became an NBA champion. Oprah never really gave up and through hard work, she became the most influential woman in the whole world and was recognised for her hard work. Walt Disney never gave up and is recognised as one of the most influential creators to have lived.

Success is not a smooth upward path without any type of bump in the road or dip in your spirits.

Actually, it is the opposite, it can be at times tough and you’ll experience some significant hurdles as you attempt to reach what you call your success.

Flashback to 2006, I was at university studying a Bachelor of Applied Social Science, majoring in crisis counselling.

I knew in my heart that I wanted to help people and felt I was on path and purpose. The form I was still unsure of, but certain of the counselling field.

We were required in Counselling Skills 1 subject to film ourselves doing a 1 hour session with a client. My friend, Kerrie, offered to be my client and film a session.

We set up two chairs in the living room of her home, camera poise and we started our session. I asked, “what would you like to work on?” She shared her mother committed suicide when she was 10 and she was struggling now she had a young child.

This is my first ever session I have ever done. I sat back in my chair thinking “what the hell do I do here?!” My first problem to solve and it is huge.

Safe to say it is a train wreck. I didn’t solve any of her challenges, and I am certain I left her worse off than we started.

I thought that was the purpose of university, to learn from your mistakes so I wrote about my learnings and what I discovered, what I would have done differently. But it wasn’t enough.

I opened the attachment in the email for my results. There, right next to Counselling Skills 1 it says ‘Failed.’

My heart sank.

“I’m a failure” ran through my head.

My heart shattered.

I failed at the very thing I want to create my career around. How am I going to create something for myself if I am a failure. Thoughts swirled, “maybe this is a sign to stop. And not keep on going.”

Well, you know happened. I persevered and make it my profession and my life.

Here is what I learned.

You see failure can feel like the end when it is completely not.

So when you hear no, it is no from that individual, for now, but not no forever, from all people.

In order to achieve your goals and accomplish your dreams, you require the strength to pick yourself back up again after you fall regardless of what the outer world says or does. They don’t know your inner world like you do. They don’t know what is important to you and why it is so meaningful.

Failure is not fatal, nor is it final. Failure is not something absolute, but an opportunity for growth, learning, rising to the challenge. Setbacks are meant to offer insights into how to step forward.

And it is all a matter of perspective. Change the questions you ask, change your perspective, change your life.

What failure have you had that has become your greatest success story?

Warm fuzzy squeezes,

Tanya Cross

How often do you think about yourself?

Research shows that most of our time is spent thinking about someone or something else. Psychologists believe people actually avoid thinking about themselves. We dislike facing our own adequacies.

For the same reason, many of us avoid talking about ourselves, viewing ourselves in the mirror, or being photographed. It’s too uncomfortable.

The following experiment was conducted to show how increased self-awareness can affect our behaviour.

During Halloween, children played trick or treat, who turned up at one researcher’s door and were told to help themselves to one sweet from the bowl.

Children who were believed to be unobserved took 34% more sweets. The researcher then placed a full-length mirror behind the bowl and only 12% of subsequent children took more sweets.

The mirror reinforced the children’s sense of self-awareness.

To avoid confronting the inadequacies, some people prefer to withdraw from a situation often by getting drunk, scrolling aimlessly through social media or Numflixing it (I just make that up. Think it will catch on {first_name}?).

These activities reduce your level of self-awareness making feelings and events temporary more bearable.

But it’s an illusion.

Whatever you run from (or hide from in this case) is still running and active in your system. It’s only that you’re avoiding the inevitable. Whatever is painful, pushing your button will still be there when you come back.

It doesn’t go away.

If you find yourself withdrawing as a strategy, consider standing in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say “hiding from the world does not serve. There is nothing that my mortal self can’t experience that my immortal self can’t love.”

Here at Maximum Growth, we are helping you to face the tough issues, to hold your hand when you need to, to create the time and space to apply the work.

Just ask Shani, one of our Maximum Growth Members who courageously faced her stuff in class this week and how much she helped others to do the same.

We have a beautiful community to surround you with you go on the journey within you.

Here’s to looking in the mirror {first_name},

With love,

Tanya Cross

Leadership Coach
Counsellor & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

Did you know that every problem already has a solution whether you know it or not?

I’m not kidding.

Just ask for the answer to be revealed to you.

Now, this isn’t some hippy woo-woo thinking. I’ve used it with clients and myself for years and what is revealed is deeply profound.

While I invested my time walking the Camino in Spain 5 years ago, I spent a lot of time working on my deeper challenges and issues. Childhood stuff.

Towards the end of the walk I still felt a little lost in my purpose and where I was going.

I decided to walk the Camino Primitive, extra 100km and I asked the universe to reveal to me what my path and purpose was​ (and as clear daylight so I couldn’t mistake it for something else).

On the first night I found myself alone, with no other pilgrims the entire walk. I felt something jarring inside me that this wasn’t the path I needed to be on (It’s hard to describe but easy to recognise). I knew I needed to be with people. I had spent so long being on my own in life, and it was time to be with others.

Instead, I did something that was un-Camino like but I listened to and I caught a cab back to the Camino Francis (that’s the main walk) and started the last 100km from there.

That night, I met a group of 8 walkers and we became instant friends.

The older man in the group had decided the day before to become a counsellor (Hmm. Interesting universe). The next day we walked and talked for hours. I helped him have a deeply profound transformation about his purpose and mission that he told everyone that evening to spend time walking with me.

The next day, the younger one of the group asked to walk together. His heart was heavy because his friend had died in his arms. I helped him to feel that it was an honor to spend the last moments with his friend before he died and how much a gift to be with him so he was not alone as he passed.

I had in depth discussions on life with every person I met. It was crystal clear my journey as a counsellor, coach and consultant and that I couldn’t hide from what I am here to do.

So {first_name}, try it for yourself. Make sure you have a clear question to ask the universe. What clarity are you seeking? What question would you like answered?

Make sure you have a clear question to the universe, then be open to what answers you’ll receive.

Hit reply and share with me what is revealed to you.

With gold nuggets of wisdom,

Tanya x

Leadership Coach

Counsellor & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

Maximum Growth: Private & Group Coaching Available

P.S. If you haven’t heard, I am running a Walkshop in Sydney, walking from Bondi Beach to Barrenjoey lighthouse (130Km) over 5 days. It is only for 3 places left. Click here to find out more.