It’s A Guy Thing
This book is for anyone for women (and men) to understand men at a deeper level.
It’s a Guy Thing is full of questions and answers to help women to understand men at a deeper level. It is important to remember with anyone’s body of work, it may not all fit into your model of the world. For me, I analyse every piece of information I gather through universal principles. Some of Deida’s work is brilliant, other parts of the book I discard. I would hope you do the same.
Men and women are so different in the way they think and behave. Men are single-focused; women are multi-focused. Men concentrate on work and resources, females on family and reproduction.
There is a constant contrast between male and female energy. Women identify themselves as the source of light or energy and are then concerned about radiance. Men are more concerned with the void in which the light shines. Most men would rather watch women dance than dance themselves.
This is not to deny that women can only have feminine energy and male have masculine. That is far from the truth. Everyone knows a woman who works in a male-dominated friend like engineering, construction or the police force where they have adapted their energy to their career and play in a man’s world or a man who takes care of the kids.
Deida states 80% of all men demonstrate more masculine than feminine energy. Men in the 20% category are more feminine and more relatable to women in their qualities. We may exhibit different energies around different people and circumstances but our essences will be more one or the other.
The duality of masculine and feminine energy is what brings couples together, it’s the polarity that gives charge and ignites sexual energy between two people. You want polarity. You need it. It is what gives the sizzle in the sexual dynamic.
One reason sexual dynamic becomes less passionate is that it turns into a friendship, business partnership or parenting relationship. The man and women become less and less relaxed in their masculine and feminine poles. Therefore, sexual polarity decreases.
To achieve deep emotional and sexual intimacy, women and men must incarnate deep feminine and masculine energy in the play of their relationship together. If you are not doing this, the relationship can become more practical. The juices dry up.
The purpose of both sexes is to appreciate their own essences without projecting onto the other to be the same as them. It’s about loving the differences. But most of the time the sexes want them to act like they do. It is easier for you to understand someone who thinks and behaves like you.
Men give off masculine energy which for women can be seen as offensive. Masculine energy is rigid and stays focused on a task for lengths of time. This means they won’t notice you, think to call you or text you. They are focused on that task, watching TV, training at the gym, at work that everything else doesn’t exist.
This can be used as a strength to stay focused but it can be a weakness when it shuts out to avoid an intimate relationship, feeling open and vulnerable.
Feminine energy is not stuck on a single track and is flowing and relaxing, you can easily shift attention and focus. For women to be comfortable in her feminine energy, she has to be comfortable in her ability to make the shift happen almost automatically, effortlessly. Women can think “Why isn’t he paying me attention?” “What is his problem?” “Can’t my man learn to go with the flow?” On the other hand, men wonder “why does she get hurt when I am busy?” “Why is she so sensitive?”
Women are very aware of relationships. Men, on the other hand can enjoy themselves even though their relationship is rocky. They can argue with you and go out fishing with their mates. Say “we are fighting; wow look at that fish” This is because men don’t exist in the world of flow and feelings, women do.
This doesn’t mean he does not have emotions or that you become hardened from your emotions. Men love that women are sensitive and in touch with their intuition. He can learn a lot from your world that is foreign to him. Don’t disown your own feelings, express them. Your gift of energy, radiance, and attraction may be in the form of a smile, a look of love, a touch that enlivens him, anything that fills his body, mind, and emotion with energy and love and life.
Men can be vulnerable but not in the way that women are with their feelings. Men demonstrate vulnerability by talking about his vision or his lack of it. A man’s focus is not the relationship so his central issues can be involved in work.
Many difficulties in a relationship occur because men and women think they are the same. And they are similar from certain perspectives. Both men and women have two arms and two legs for example. The only part that is identical is that they both come from light and unconditional love. Bam!
Women want me to be sensitive to their emotions rather than rigid. Men want to have the freedom or the perception of it anyway. Understanding the differences will help you communicate better. Some people value the big picture, others on detail. Notice what your man (or woman) likes and speak in their worldview. Find someone who you can share your natural flow with. For example, if you love the detail, then share the nitty-gritty detail with a friend and share the big picture perspective with your man.
In our verbal based modern life, we often think talking is the best way to communicate love with our intimate partner. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is not. For a few days, try spending an hour each day being present with your man without either one of you talking at all. Communicate to each other without saying a word. Touch each other. Gaze at each other. Allow the sexual and spiritual energy exchange without words.
That’s a great exercise to do to develop a closeness and connection with your man. Remembering at the highest state of love, there is nothing but ‘Thank you, I love you.” And higher than that, there are no words, only love.
There are some useful questions in the book with staying or going in a relationship. One stand out question was what is the bottom line of the relationship? This helps to create a contract in the relationship of what you want and what you don’t want, what is ok, and what is not ok. This takes out the uncertainty, the expectation of knowing what is in your mind and lay it all out on the table.
Most people have felt a moment of grace when their heart opened and love poured. It may have bene love for a child, a friend or a lover. Your heart might have even opened when looking at a great work of art. These moments illustrate your innate capacity to love. You need only open your heart and you are the force of love. Love is not something you have or don’t have. It is something you work on. Working on the relationship, yourself and your partner help the love to grow.
A perfect relationship is not a relationship that is perfectly fulfilling. It is a relationship that is growing. Sometimes you’ll be apart, sometimes you’ll be together. Within a relationship, love allows all our hidden aspects to rise to the surface and to be worked on. Relationships are about helping you to own more of your hidden side and love all parts of yourself as you love all parts of another human being.
In bed, in a moment of complete union, when you dissolve your boundaries, you see no difference, you allow yourself to be continuous with the one you love. You let go of your guard and relax into surrendered union, you experience seamless oneness.