During our recent Mindset Class, one of our members shared a common challenge they faced with a business partner. They considered their partners exceptional, particularly in sales, while they excelled in handling the systems and processes. 

This situation is a familiar occurrence in business partnerships – we often believe that our collaborator possesses the skills or qualities we lack. 

For solopreneurs, the perception of lacking specific skills or support can also arise, creating a sense of 

In the business world, patterns of interaction between you and your business partner, or if you are flying solo, one side you’re expressing and repressing, are referred to as “relationship patterns.” 

Relationship patterns are patterns of interaction that show up again and again and from a pattern. Pretty simple, hey! 

Recent research suggests that labelling (OMG – yes, labelling serves a purpose) and understanding these relationship patterns can hold significant value for you as a coach and business owner.

It not only enhances the business relationship’s health but also affects the well-being of both partners.

How you understand your Relationship Pattern Labeling for Businesses thoroughly examines how you and your business partners engage with each other (or with your clients if you’re a solopreneur). 

Once you know which label you fit under, you can know how to communicate when someone isn’t communicating with you in a way you like and understand why you might feel so challenged. 

Let’s delve into the 12 RPLs and identify which patterns resonate most with your business dynamic. I thought I’d give you an insight into Justin and my dynamic. (Note: If you’re a solopreneur, then there will be one part you do, and one part is missing.) 

1. Navigator/Explorer: One partner seeks regular updates and engagement, while the other values autonomy. (Navigator – Justin / Explorer – Justin & Me )

2. Strategist/Tactician: One partner is inclined toward long-term planning, while the other excels in tactical execution. (Strategist – Justin / Tactician – Me )

3. Innovator/Traditionalist: Partners differ in their embracing of new ideas and methods. (Innovator – Justin & Me / Traditionalist – Justin)

4. Risk-Taker/Cautious: One partner is inclined to take bold risks, while the other prefers a cautious approach. (Risk-Taker – Justin / Cautious – Me )

5. Collaborator/Soloist: One partner thrives in collaborative efforts, while the other excels individually. (Collaborator – Justin / Soloist – Me )

6. Visionary/Pragmatist: One partner envisions ambitious future goals, while the other focuses on practical steps. (Visionary – Justin & Me /Pragmatist- Justin & Me)

7. Pioneer/Follower: One partner spearheads innovation, while the other prefers adopting proven strategies. (Pioneer – Me / Follower – Justin)

8. Investor/Entrepreneur: Partners differ in their resource allocation preferences – one is more conservative, while the other is more daring. (Investor – Me & Justin / Entrepreneur)

9. Specialist/Generalist: One partner excels in a particular niche, while the other has a broader skill set. (Specialist/Generalist – Me & Justin)

10. Lead/Support: One partner takes the lead while the other provides vital support. (Lead – Me /Support – Justin)

11. Local/Global: One partner emphasizes local market engagement, while the other pursues global opportunities. (Local  – Me & Justin / Global – Me & Justin)

12. Traditional/Disruptive: One partner values traditional business approaches, while the other embraces disruptive changes. (Traditional / Disruptive – Me)

You may identify with more than one pattern. 

Look at an example and take the “Navigator/Explorer” relationship pattern.

Suppose you’re a life coach and often collaborate with a coaching partner, Alex. In this partnership, you play the role of the Navigator. You believe in maintaining regular contact with your clients, scheduling frequent follow-up sessions, and providing constant guidance and support. You believe this level of engagement is essential to helping clients achieve their goals.

On the other hand, Alex is the Explorer in your coaching partnership. They value autonomy and believe clients should have the space to explore and make decisions. They prefer a coaching style that encourages clients to lead their personal development journeys.

This dynamic can sometimes create tension. As the Navigator, you might feel frustrated when Alex’s coaching approach appears less involved than yours. You might think that clients need more guidance and structure, while Alex believes in allowing clients to find their own path.

Recognizing these distinct coaching relationship patterns is essential for successful coaching practice. 

Instead of conflicting coaching styles, you can leverage both Navigator and Explorer approaches when working with clients.

Some clients may benefit from a more hands-on, structured approach, while others may thrive with greater autonomy and self-discovery. 

This flexibility in coaching styles allows you to better meet your clients’ diverse needs and preferences, ultimately leading to more positive coaching outcomes.

In conclusion, business relationships are multifaceted. Utilizing the RPL concept can’t perfectly encapsulate your dynamic, but it can foster empathy and ultimately contribute to a more fulfilling and collaborative business journey.

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH 

1. Define your (and if you have a partner, their) relationship pattern label.

2. Identify what is missing for you, e.g., innovation, strategy, risk-taking.

3. This is a question in the Demartini Method Patterns and dynamics offer a valuable framework for understanding your role, where your strengths lie and where you need help.

As John C. Maxwell, once said, “Teamwork makes the dream work.” 

Having a team that aligns with you will amplify your opportunities for synergy and growth. 

At Maximum Growth, we love being on your mindset team, working silently in the background with you, so you can go and deliver your service out to the world.

I came across this in a session this week that you want to keep in the back of your mind and that is valuable for relationships.

It’s called the “Phantom Ex.”

Have you heard of it before?

“Phantom Ex” is the concept where thoughts, emotions, or fantasies about a former romantic partner persist and even interfere with a current relationship. 

You’re still emotionally attached to your ex-partner, and it can manifest in these 5 ways. 

1. Unresolved Feelings: They may have unresolved feelings, such as guilt, or regret, related to the previous relationship.

2. Comparisons: The individual compares their current partner to their ex, often idealizing or romanticising the qualities or experiences they had with the ex-partner.

3. Insecurity: Feelings of insecurity or inadequacy in the current relationship can arise because they believe their ex was a better match or that they could not move on from their ex.

4. Impact on Communication: Fantasizing about the ex can lead to decreased communication and emotional intimacy in the current relationship. It can increase the frequency of arguments and disagreements. 

5. Difficulty Moving Forward: They may struggle to fully invest in the current relationship, as their emotional energy is still tied to the past.

The client I was working with this week, let’s call her Jane. She is in a relationship. Let’s call him Mark, but she frequently talks about her ex-partner. 

She idealizes her ex, praising his sense of emotional intelligence. Whenever Mark and Jane have a disagreement, she mentions how her ex would have handled the situation better. 

Mark feels overshadowed by Jane’s past relationship, and this comparison creates tension in their relationship.

It also creates tension in Jane’s life as her life doesn’t match her desire. The phantom ex strikes. 

This isn’t the only time this has happened. Sometimes, single people can’t stop thinking about an ex. Even though they may have separated years or even decades ago, they still have feelings towards them and regret their breakup. 

These unresolved emotions make it challenging for people to fully commit to a new relationship. 

Buuuuuttt. If you’ve been hangin’ in these halls for a while, you’d have heard about the problem under the problem.

And because someone presents with a deep longing for a past relationship doesn’t mean that it is the true, deeper issue. 

Sometimes, as you dig deeper, there is a conflict between the desire for emotional closeness and intimacy and the fear that they’ll become dependent on their partner. 

As their mind holds onto the idea of the ex, it creates a sense of closeness and comfort, but it also avoids being vulnerable and allowing someone in.

Often, this can stem from childhood and the come-close-go-away experiences they had with adults who cared for them.

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH 

So what is the best pathway forward? 

You have to let go of the past to move into the future. 

1. Making a list of the exes and every downside about them (think all 7 areas of life), until they are certain they don’t want to be with them anymore.

2. Get on the path and purpose. When you are busy doing something meaningful, you are concerned if one individual of the almost 8 billion people on the planet isn’t in a relationship with you. 

Phantom Ex” phenomenon can be a challenging hurdle in our pursuit of meaningful relationships. While thoughts of past partners may linger, they often mask deeper emotional issues and fears. 

The key to moving forward is self-awareness and taking proactive steps. Letting go of the past, acknowledging unresolved feelings, and working on personal growth can pave the way for fulfilling connections in the present and future.

By recognizing and addressing these patterns, we can break free from the haunting grip of our “Phantom Ex” and embrace the potential for authentic relationships.

Your enemy – they’ll tear you down at the drop of a hat, whisper to other people how shit you are as a coach or post that they see one slight weakness in your armour and bring you down. But what happens when you perceive those closest to you as your enemy?

How does that affect your mental health, mindset, and relationships?

Let’s face it. We live in a world where we might not have surrounded ourselves with a supportive inner circle of friends and family.

Our inner circle is meant to be a place where you can be yourself and take a breath.  

However, sometimes we find ourselves viewing the very people in this circle as adversaries who go against us. This mindset can profoundly affect our overall well-being, affecting how we do life and, of course, business.

When we perceive our loved ones as enemies, it can trigger a range of perceived negative emotions, such as anger, resentment, and even suspicion. 

Being on guard within our inner circle can lead to heightened anxiety and stress, affecting our mental health. 

These feelings may gradually erode our ability to trust others, leaving us feeling isolated and emotionally drained.

(so maybe if you’re feeling emotionally sucked dry, this is because you’re lacking the people that get you around you.)

So let’s coin the phrases (another one, Tanya! Yes, another one, check out last week’s new term here.) It’s the enemy’s perception.

The enemy perception within the inner circle often stems from past experiences or unresolved conflicts.

We may project our insecurities onto those closest to us, perceiving harmless actions or innocent remarks as intentional attacks. 

This mindset creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, distorting our perception of reality and preventing us from meaningful relationships.

But what happens to our relationships?

Our inner circle relationships can suffer greatly, drastically affecting us. And when our personal life is in shambles, it’d be difficult to show up in your business. 

This reminds me of our Mindset Class last week when Shaine was working on a moment. She was in a cyclone. This experience bonded her family; each time they go through a crisis, they are all there for each other. 

That experience may not be yours. You may feel alone and isolated, and people don’t have your back when needed. 

Conflict and tension erode the foundations of relationships, especially trust and intimacy.

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH 

Misunderstandings escalate, imagine it like bricks stacking up on each other and getting ready to topple at any moment. Meaningful connections become severed. 

So, how can we address ‘the enemy perception’ and not have them as a frenemy but as another human living their life? Here are the top two tips:

1. Seek self-awareness and recognize that these perceptions are your filter of the world and take ownership of your thinking by asking yourself where and when have you done something the same or similar to the individual you judge.

2. Know that your communication will be a factor in a friendship or enemy. Challenge someone enough, and they will be against you, support someone (in what is important to them) and they will stand beside you. How do you create a win/win, or support their values in a way that supports your values?

As you work through these tips and questions, you’ll notice a shift in perception and a change in others’ behaviour. You get to let your guard down with the people you love and allow them inside.

Just thinking – it’s been ages since I’ve seen you, or maybe we haven’t met in person yet. I wanted to say thank you for being part of our community and give a big squeezy virtual hug (and if you’re not a hugger – I get it, we can give each other a head nod and a wink instead).

If you’re struggling with being misunderstood and feeling alone, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reply to this email or connect with us on social media land.

 Wishing you a week filled with growth and deeper, more meaningful connections.