In the journey of life, we all face moments when we find ourselves in survival mode. 

Maybe because there isn’t a steady stream of work, you’re financially under pressure, or you are on the verge of a relationship breakdown. 

These challenging times can be emotionally and mentally draining, often casting a shadow on your financial well-being and business endeavours. 

As a coach, it’s essential to understand and address the intricate interplay between the mental and emotional burden of survival mode and its impact on money and business. 

Today, I thought it would be important to delve into these aspects and explore strategies and questions to help both you and your clients weather the storm.

Understanding Survival Mode:

We have all experienced survival mode, where you feel heightened stress and anxiety which is triggered by various life challenges. Maybe for you, it is a lack of clients, loss of inspiration, or feeling burnt out.

This mode often leads to a fight-flight-freeze response, where you prioritize immediate survival over long-term goals. 

The Mental and Emotional Toll:

 Let’s address what actually happens in your mind and body during this period of time. 

Survival mode can be mentally exhausting. Constantly worrying about making ends meet or the future of one’s business can lead to high levels of stress and anxiety. Sleepless nights, hiding away from the world. Struggling to concentrate. 

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Clients in survival mode may struggle with thought patterns, such as self-doubt, fear, and hopelessness. These emotions can make it difficult to see opportunities or make rational decisions. It is also challenging to switch them off unless you have tools and techniques to help. 

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Prolonged survival mode can take a toll on mental health, potentially leading to depression, burnout, or other psychological issues. Coming back from this point takes a. Lot. of. Work. Sometimes it’s easier to catch it and work on it before it gets to this point. 

The Burden on Money and Business:

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Financial worries often intensify during survival mode. Clients may face income loss, mounting debt, or uncertainty about the viability of their business. That can then lead to questioning everything. 

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Fear and uncertainty can lead to decision fatigue or decision paralysis in both personal and business matters. Clients may avoid making necessary financial choices, hindering progress and growth. Maybe it isn’t decision paralysis but just decision fatigue but this has an impact on change.

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Survival mode can also strain personal relationships, as the stress from financial and emotional burdens spills over into interactions with all our relationships.

COACHING STRATEGIES

As a coach, I am surprised how many coaches don’t have basic financial literacy skills. These skills help you to make informed decisions during tough times. I’d encourage everyone in business to learn about budgeting, debt management, and long-term financial planning. 

Challenge thought patterns and help you to reframe their perspectives. Check out the questions of growth for what specific questions to ask. 

Lean on your support systems. That’s why we have classes each and every week of the year so that you can lean on us during stressful times, so we can help you get back inspired and energised about business. 

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH

1. What is it specifically that is creating you to perceive survival?

1. How does what you listed in question 1, serve you? Keep asking until you are certain the benefits and drawbacks are equal. 

These questions will begin to shift your mind from survival to thriving. And from the fight-flight-fright response to more long-term vision for your business and your life. 

We can sometimes stay stuck in this perpetual loop of survival, and it takes work to get you thinking differently. However, it takes energy and effort to survive.

So what would you prefer to do? The work to stay the same or the work to shift your thinking?

The workplace, with its intricate web of professional relationships, is a microcosm of human interactions. Just as children reflect our inner landscapes, siblings uncover our unresolved past, and intimate partners reveal our shadow selves, colleagues and superiors in the workplace bring forth their own unique dynamics. 

 

This is our last week of exploring the multifaceted world of Relationships Unveiled. Today, we explore workplace relationships, offering insights and strategies for personal growth and fulfilment.

 

The Workplace Mirror: Reflecting Professional Identities

Your workplace colleagues often serve as mirrors, reflecting back our professional identities. Our interactions with them reveal our communication styles, leadership qualities, and collaborative skills. 

 

Management guru Peter Drucker says, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” Learning to read between the lines and use your intuition to check in with reading the room. 

 

Navigating Colleague Relationships:

Workplace relationships serve as a way to grow yourself. Constructive feedback is a powerful tool for personal and professional development. Embracing feedback as a means to grow can lead to stronger workplace relationships.

 

Plus, it is an opportunity to build a network of professional relationships can open doors to mentorship and growth. Especially if you are a coach and you are working on your own most of the time, having mentors and role models can guide you, share their experiences, and help you navigate your business.

 

Leadership Dynamics

Supervisors and managers hold a unique position in the workplace ecosystem. They not only guide the team but also influence its dynamics. Leadership qualities, both positive and negative, can have a profound impact on the work environment and employee morale.

 

But as a coach, you might not have someone to supervise you. As a psychologist, a doctors, most healthcare workers have supervisors. But coaches do no. Finding a coach who can supervise you, who can share their knowledge, guide you, and help you with your own self-care is essential as a leader. 

 

With leadership comes influence. In the workplace, you have the opportunity to initiate and guide change. You can influence your community, clients and your colleagues. 

 

In workplace relationships, success lies in self-awareness, effective communication, and leadership skills. By recognizing that colleagues and superiors serve as mirrors reflecting our professional identities, as we navigate relationships and step into our leadership, we can use our workplace relationships as a means for growth and influence. 

 

As philosopher Confucius wisely noted, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” 

In the workplace, setbacks and challenges are opportunities for growth and learning. Embracing these opportunities, and harnessing the power of workplace relationships, can lead to a fulfilling career journey.

 

Remember that each relationship is a stepping stone on the path to personal and professional development. By nurturing these connections, you can not only excel in your career but also contribute to a positive and thriving community and culture.

Let’s delve into the fascinating world of sibling relationships, drawing inspiration from both psychology and philosophy to provide valuable insights for coaches who seek to understand their clients facing challenges in work and home life.

 

When I reflected on the Relationships Unveiled series and thought about the niches coaches go into, it was interesting that there are many parenting coaches and relationship coaches, but how many sibling coaches do you know?

 

I can’t think of one. Can you?

 

Yet this relationship is your first peer relationship, the one you spend the most time with, that you have known and know you the longest. With such a foundational relationship, let’s deep dive into this together.  

 

In the realm of human psychology, sibling relationships have often been relegated to the sidelines, a lesser-explored facet of the intricate tapestry of human interactions. 

 

Sigmund Freud himself granted siblings mere passing mentions in his extensive body of work. 

 

I had to do some digging to find research on this topic and found recent decades have witnessed a profound awakening in the field as researchers begin to unveil the profound impact of siblings on one another’s lives. 

 

Karen Gail Lewis, Ph.D., a sibling therapist of five decades, has recently authored ‘Sibling Therapy,’ an eye-opening work that delves into how sibling dynamics significantly shape personalities and destinies. 

 

I know that, I have a complicated sibling dynamic. There was my older brother and I for 5.5 years. Then along came two younger siblings. But then I lived with my Dad, his new partner (AKA my new mumma bear) and brother full time. My mumma bear had a daughter who was 12 years older and was like a sister, friend, and mum all rolled into one. 

During my teen years, my brother was staying with his girlfriend a lot and wasn’t home. My sister was out of home and so I spent my teen years as, what felt like, being an only child. This definitely was formative in my ability to go inward. 

 

So it felt like lots of sibling relationships were coming and going.

 

Dr. Lewis beautifully unveils how early experiences and perceptions with our first companions lay the foundation for adult relationships, both at home and in the workplace.

 

The Sibling Crucible: A Laboratory of Life

Dr. Lewis believes that the sibling relationship is the crucible where individuals first learn to navigate the complex terrain of human interactions. It is during this formative period that children discover the art of conflict resolution, cooperation, negotiation, and competition. 

 

These skills, etched into their psyches during sibling interactions, often resurface in their adult relationships. This echoes the timeless wisdom of the philosopher Aristotle, who remarked, “We are what we repeatedly do..” Indeed, our early sibling experiences shape the habits that govern our later relationships, both at home and at work.

 

Parental Echoes: Recreating Sibling Dynamics

Parents, whether consciously or not, tend to project their own sibling experiences onto their children. Those who enjoy harmonious sibling bonds may expect the same for their offspring, while those burdened with sibling conflicts may fear their children will tread a similar path. 

 

Consequently, parents may inadvertently intensify normal sibling disagreements by intervening too hastily, inadvertently signalling to their children that they cannot resolve their issues independently.

 

Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, said, “He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster.” AKA, you become what you condemn. 

 

In their attempts to shield their children from the adversities they experience, parents may unknowingly perpetuate these very conflicts.

 

Sibling Dynamics in the Workplace

Sibling dynamics extend their tendrils into the professional arena as well. Research reveals that unresolved sibling issues from childhood can manifest as self-sabotage patterns in the workplace.

 

Neuroscientific studies have demonstrated that these patterns are deeply ingrained in the brain’s neural pathways, making them difficult to break free from without introspection and change in perspective. Luckily you have the Demartini Method, which does both. 

 

As coaches, understanding these deeply rooted patterns is instrumental in helping clients navigate workplace challenges.

 

Sibling as ‘First Marriage’ and Relationship Choices

Dr. Lewis refers to the sibling relationship as a “first marriage.” It is within this initial bond that individuals learn to live intimately with peers of the same generation. 

Philosophers like Simone de Beauvoir emphasized the importance of choice in relationships, and this extends to sibling dynamics. 

 

Adults may find that they unknowingly replicate patterns from their ‘first marriage’ in their choice of romantic partners. 

 

For instance, individuals who experienced abuse from a sibling may unconsciously gravitate towards abusive partners, echoing the philosopher George Santayana’s says, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

 

Sibling Dynamics in Friendships

Our early experiences with siblings can reverberate through our choices in friendships. Children who feel inferior to their siblings may, in adulthood, be drawn to friends who assert dominance and make decisions on their behalf. 

 

Understanding these dynamics can be vital for coaches working with clients who grapple with perceived toxic friendships, shedding light on the roots of these relationships.

 

The sibling relationship is a profound force that weaves through the tapestry of our lives. As a coach, armed with insights from both psychology and philosophy, can deeply understand their clients’ challenges, whether in the workplace or at home from a new lens. 

 

Recognizing the echoes of sibling dynamics in adulthood equips you to guide your clients toward self-awareness, healing, and fulfilling relationships. With this knowledge, you can empower your clients to embrace their early life experiences and rewrite the scripts of their lives.

Parenthood, that remarkable journey of nurturing and guiding the next generation, is often filled with moments of profound self-discovery. 

 

As parents, we embark on this voyage with the intention of imparting wisdom and love to our children (or just doing the opposite of what our parents did haha). 

 

Yet, in the process, our little ones can become powerful mirrors, reflecting aspects of ourselves that we have long neglected or disowned. 

 

In this journey of reflection, children can be catalysts for our own growth and transformation, leading us on a path of unconditional self-love.

 

The Mirror Effect: Children As Reflectors

Children possess an uncanny ability to mirror our thoughts, behaviours, and emotions. They hold up a mirror to our subconscious, reflecting back to us aspects of ourselves that we may not have fully embraced or acknowledged. 

 

This phenomenon is not merely coincidental; it is deeply rooted in psychology.

 

Psychologist Carl Jung introduced the concept of the “shadow self” – the parts of our psyche that we have repressed or disowned due to societal conditioning or personal discomfort. 

 

Children, in their authenticity, often bring these shadow aspects to the surface. 

 

It can be as simple as a child exhibiting stubbornness when we, as parents, have strived to be accommodating. Or it can manifest as a child expressing vulnerability when we’ve habitually concealed our own.

 

The Lesson in Reflection: Embracing Disowned Parts

Children’s reflections can serve as valuable lessons. Rather than viewing these reflections with resistance or judgment, we can choose to explore them with curiosity and fascination. 

 

When a child exhibits a trait, action or inaction that triggers discomfort within us, it is an invitation to examine our own thoughts and experiences.

 

Perhaps we have been suppressing these very traits, actions or inactions due to societal expectations or past experiences.

 

As philosopher Søren Kierkegaard wisely noted, “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards.” By engaging in this introspective journey, we can gradually uncover and integrate these disowned parts of ourselves. 

 

This process can be challenging, as it often requires us to confront long-buried emotions and unresolved experiences. It is through this that we find the path to love.

 

Parenting as Self-Reflection: Breaking the Cycle

In addition to mirroring our disowned parts, children can also challenge us to break free from cycles of generational patterns and conditioning. 

 

Many of us inherit behaviours and beliefs from our parents and ancestors, both positive and negative. Children, by their very presence, prompt us to question these patterns. 

 

Are we perpetuating cycles of emotional suppression, perfectionism, or inadequacy? Or are we actively working to create fulfilled environments for our children?

 

To quote philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, “Become who you are.” Parenthood can be a profound opportunity to become more authentically ourselves by shedding the layers of inherited expectations and embracing our true selves.

 

Unconditional Self-Love: The Ultimate Gift to Our Children

As we journey through self-reflection and integration of our disowned parts, we ultimately arrive at the destination of unconditional love. This form of love is not dependent on external validation or perfection.

 

It is a love that embraces our flaws, vulnerabilities, and imperfections, recognizing them as integral parts of our unique human experience.

 

When we model unconditional love, we gift our children with a powerful lesson – the importance of self-appreciation. This invaluable lesson equips them to navigate their own lives with resilience and authenticity, unburdened by the need for external approval and acceptance.

 

Conclusion: The Transformative Mirror of Parenthood

Parenthood is a profound journey of self-discovery and growth. Our children, as mirrors of our disowned parts, beckon us to embark on a voyage of self-reflection and integration. 

 

Through this process, we can break free from generational patterns and conditioning, ultimately arriving at the shores of unconditional love. 

 

In doing so, we not only transform ourselves but also gift our children with the wisdom and inner strength to embrace their own unique journeys with love and authenticity. 

 

As the philosopher Rumi reminds us, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” 

 

Let us embrace the reflective power of parenthood and let the light of love illuminate our lives and the lives of our precious little ones.

 

P.S. At 15 weeks pregnant, Kate’s unborn baby had a heart condition. She decided to end the baby’s life against the medical team pushing for her to keep the baby. The client struggled with having to be the one to make it and felt she had taken someone’s life. She also didn’t feel supported by the medical team in the process. Watch the Hot Seat Class here.

Over the next 4 weeks I’m going to be sharing a series of newsletters on ‘Relationships Unvield.’  

 

Each newsletter in the series explores this theme in a different context – children, siblings, intimate partners, workplace colleagues, and sexual expression and how the different types of relationships serve as mirrors, reflecting and shaping various aspects of our inner selves.

 

We start off with the individual closest to us, our intimate relationship. 

 

Intimate relationships are more than just romantic unions; they are profound mirrors reflecting our inner landscapes. 

 

These relationships have the ability to possess a unique power – they can illuminate the darkest corners of your soul, bringing to light the parts of ourselves that we may have long repressed or maybe even deemed unlovable. #canyoufeelthelovetonight

 

In the sacred space of intimacy, we have the opportunity to embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery, healing, and ultimately, embracing our whole selves.

 

The Reflective Power of Intimacy

Intimate relationships act as a mirror, offering us glimpses of our hidden, disowned parts. Intimate partners can bring to the surface aspects of ourselves that we may have buried due to societal conditioning, past trauma, or self-judgment.

 

These repressed parts often manifest as insecurities, fears, or unresolved emotional wounds.

 

Psychologist and philosopher William James famously said, “We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” 

 

Intimate relationships bridge the gap between these islands, exposing our interconnectedness and inviting us to explore deeper within ourselves to realise our whole self.

 

Confronting the Shadows: Embracing Our Repressed Parts

Intimate relationships provide a safe space to confront our shadows – those aspects of ourselves that we may have deemed unworthy of love. 

 

When our partners trigger feelings of insecurity, jealousy, or vulnerability, it is an invitation to look within and explore the origins of these emotions. 

 

Perhaps they stem from past perceived wounds or beliefs we adopted about ourselves.

 

Philosopher Carl Jung coined the term “individuation” to describe the process of integrating the different facets of our personality into a unified whole. 

 

Intimate relationships serve as catalysts for this process, prompting a journey of self-discovery and healing, if we choose. 

 

The Healing Power of Unconditional Love

Intimate partners play a unique role in our healing journey. When they witness and love our repressed parts, it can be profoundly transformative. 

 

This shows we are lovable and worthy of love, even in our perceived flaws and vulnerabilities.

 

When we receive unconditional love from our spouses, it becomes a catalyst for self-love. We begin to see that we are deserving of love not just in spite of our imperfections but because of them. #deeplove

 

Intimacy as a Journey of Self-Discovery

Intimate relationships are a journey, not a destination. 

 

As we explore our repressed parts within the context of a loving partnership, we become more intimately acquainted with ourselves. 

 

We uncover the layers of conditioning, insecurities, and fears that have shaped us, and in doing so, we gain the power to reshape our narratives.

Philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre famously said, “We are our choices.” In intimate relationships, we are confronted with choices – to confront our shadows, to heal, and to love unconditionally. 

Each choice we make brings us closer to embracing our whole selves and, in turn, enriches the depth of our intimacy. 

 

Questions of Growth

Here are some questions to ask to grow in your relationship.

1. What is my relationship reflecting to me?
2. What parts am I trying to hide from my spouse or the world that they are bringing to the surface for me to face?
3. How is my spouse helping me to unconditionally love myself and/or others.

 

Intimate relationships are alchemical laboratories where the lead of our repressed and unloved parts can be transformed into the gold of self-love and acceptance. 

 

They hold the power to reveal, heal, and ultimately integrate these hidden aspects of ourselves, enabling us to become more complete and loving beings.

 

In the sacred space of intimacy, we learn that to love another deeply, we must first love and embrace our own repressed parts. 

 

In doing so, we unlock the potential for profound personal growth and the kind of love that transcends illusions and limitations.

 

In the sacred space of intimacy, we learn that to love another deeply, we must first love and embrace our own repressed parts. 

 

In doing so, we unlock the potential for profound personal growth and the kind of love that transcends illusions and limitations. 

So, as a coach, or as a spouse, I hope that you found this valuable.

 

Until next week.

 

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth