Ever felt like your cup is not only empty but you have given your cup away to someone else and have nothing more to give?

(I see you nodding your head).

That was me recently.

We can all agree the past 18 months have been a little on the crazy side.

For me, I’ve been raising a toddler and starting a new business which is like raising a toddler too.

There’s lots of energy and time that’s required. It doesn’t do exactly what you want. You hear lots of no’s and your zonked at the end of the day and crash.

So I found myself last week realising how much of my life was revolving around work. Other values weren’t getting fulfilled.

I was perceiving that I had a life but I wasn’t living my life.

It doesn’t have to be this way. (Breathe a sigh of relief).

We don’t have one value in our life. We have a small handful of values which are important. And in order to feel fulfilled, all the cups require filling.

For me, my values are facilitating, family, finances, fitness and flying.

If I’m not training and exercising, I feel flat. If I’m not travelling, I feel life is a little dull. If I’m not investing time with my family, especially my little one, my heart doesn’t feel as full.

So, on reflection of my empty and non-existent cups, I decided that if I want my life to be different, I can change my actions to change my life.

I invested in a night away, nourishing the things that are important outside of work. I ate beautiful food with my daughter, strolled through the city with her, I even walked the streets of the city late at night just people watching while listening to music (I’m into country musics – no judgment, it fills my cup).

It didn’t take much to feel full to the brim with more to give to others as we come to the end of the year.

You don’t have to finish the year empty.

So tell me {first_name}, what can you do today to fill your cup up?

With gratitude,

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on one & group coaching available

Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

PS. Come join the Maximum Growth Academy for your opportunity to learn and apply quality questions every week.

We are rolling into another year, and fast. You know you don’t want things to be the same as this year and deep inside you want to level up next year.

So how do you go about making change?

• If you want to eat better, join an exercise class.
• If you want to create more business, get networking.
• If you want to earn more money, serve more clients.

Do the very thing that will give you the outcome you’d love.

That was the conclusion of a 2015 study that followed more than 6000 people for four years. People who increased their exercise increased their intake of fruit and vegetables more than people who continued to exercise regularly or who gave up their fitness plans.

They are the same part of a border goal, doing one gives you a head start on the other.

So how do you get into the new habits that will help you achieve your goals?

When it comes to changing your behaviour, knowing more, having more knowledge in your brain isn’t the key.

Another analysis in 2016 in more than 10,000 people who were told that their lifestyle and genetics are speeding them towards an early grave found that while it changed the way they thought, it made no difference to what they actually did.

It is something that we are all guilty of to some extent, and it happens not because we are weak, but because, most of the time, we aren’t consciously in charge of our actions.

The vast majority of the time, our brains tick over at the unconscious level, responding to cues and enacting habits that are often at odds with our conscious intentions. Actually, as much as 40 percent of our daily behaviour happens without the need for conscious thought.

While a habit is developing, there is conscious input from the prefrontal cortex, which is involved in planning and impulse control. If we repeat the behaviour enough, the prefrontal cortex is taken out of the equation, leaving only reward and action parts of the loop, so our planning skills are free for other things.

This means that these loops can be rerouted, but it takes a huge amount of conscious effort.

To stand any chance of creating a new pattern of behaviour or habits, the first step is to change your perceptions of yourself, so you don’t see yourself in the same light, and don’t therefore make the same decisions and take the same actions.

For example, you want to create more business, but you struggle with identifying as a business owner and having a business mindset. You think it is in other people, not in you.

Then you could create new habits, like get up at 4am, pomodoro your time, or post more on social media.

But you might have found in the past, you tried this, but then slipped back into old habits.

And that’s because old habits are hard to break and new ones are hard to form.

To reprogramme your unconscious, you must first derail the existing problematic habit and use prominent cues to trigger a more desirable one.

To change a habit, you also have to be all in with those decisions. And you can create more drive to change but shifting your mindset, tacking up enough benefits to why the change is important. And then the drive to change outweighs the desire to stay the same.

So stack up benefit, benefit, benefit ontop of each other like sunday pancakes is going to make some internal changes for sure.

Believing in willpower can help too. For decades, psychologists thought that when we exert self-control we run down our reserves of mental strength, leaving us vulnerable to a slip later in the day. But recent research suggests that it might be more to do with attitude.

This showed that people who believed willpower was an unlimited resource were not only better at self-control tasks in the lab but also had better exam grades, ate more healthily and spent money more wisely than those who considered self-control to be limited.

Willpower seems to come in limited supply, until it doesn’t. In fact, the more we use it during the day, the more it gets depleted. This can mean that we are more likely to give up as the day goes on. Just like a muscle, your willpower gets weaker.

Willpower can be in short supply during times of stress, tired, or emotionally vulnerable so we fall back on our old habits. So we don’t want to rely too much on this gem.

If you can feel your willpower is ebbing, you can make a conscious decision to either change the situation, change your environment or the perfect time to bring out your quality questions to increase your willpower tank again.

Recent research suggests believing that there are no limits to our willpower to boost self-control.

So maybe owning (that’s column 2 question of the Demartini Method) the action of “self control” might be the catalyst for creating a profitable business, losing the weight you’d like, or heck, just holding back from lashing out at your spouse, taking a breath, owning their reflection in you.

And don’t think positively. Beware of the idea that to change something, you just have to think positively. Research suggests that fantasising about successfully reaching your goals – whether it is making more money, losing weight, snaring your dream partner or landing a promotion – makes it less likely that you will actually achieve them.

That’s because fantasies conveniently skip to the end of a challenge, remaining sketchy on what is needed to get there. This tricks the body into relaxing as if it had already crossed off the list.

Lastly, you’re a product of both your environment and your thoughts. However, the link between habits and your environment is so strong, often the best time to break a habit or create a new one is when we are going away, coming out of lockdown, moving house, ending or starting a new relationship.

This interruption to our regular pattern means the normal cues can’t be triggered. And you have more chances of creating new cues and triggers. Changing the context enables the mind to arrange new unconscious behaviours, until they, too, become habits.

​So as the new year rolls in, know that if you want things to change, first transform yourself. (Kind of like, if you wanna move the world, first move yourself kind of attitude).

With gratitude,

 

Tanya “kicking some butt” x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on one & group coaching available

Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

PS. Come join the Maximum Growth Academy for your opportunity to learn and apply quality questions every week.

This week I have been on the hunt to find a theme song for my life.

One that really encompasses where I am and where I am going. It’s to add to my Divine Design Powerpoint slideshow of what I’d love to create in my business and life.

(It’s kind of like a moving imagery to play for my future every morning before I start work for the day.)

I came across this Sam Smith song.

“how I see myself with you

I don’t say a word

……

And look in my eye

You are perfection

My only direction

It’s fire on fire

It’s fire on fire.

……

But then we love and feel the truth.”

I had rolling goosebumps throughout the song. No, not all of it moves me, but some lines like “You are perfection” does it for me every time. Waves of goosies rolling through my body.

Now, I get that for you, it might not be the case with this song, these words.

For you, it’s more likely to be a different song or scene of a movie as we have different things that will move us.

These connected emotional states involve goosebumps.

So why do you get goosebumps?

OK, let’s get our geek on.

The technical term is cutis anserine (‘cutis’ means skin and ‘anser’ means goose) or piloerection (probably not going to use that word again).

Now, let’s get clear, there are three types of goosebumps. This is how I’ve named them, and they’re not scientific-technical names by any means.

• The ‘cold’ goosebumps, the ones you get when you’re physiologically cold.
• The ‘chilli’ goosebumps, the ones that cause a cold shiver down your spine. Usually occurs with a perception of social disgust and fear.
• The ‘soul’ goosebumps with an experience of awe. Usually occurs with an integration, alignment or truth being told.

The common experience of goosebumps is the ‘chilli’ ones you get when you feel cold, and your hairs stand on end. This reaction is great for animals because all of their hair stands on end, they look bigger and scarier to their predator. For us humans, it helps to create a buffer between your skin and the cool air keeping you a little warmer.

Evolutionary speaking, that came in handing pre-clothing days to keep our body warmer and is still serving that purpose now. (except for those people who lasered their arm hair – they’re now realising the downside. #deepsigh).

Let’s go a little deeper.

There are involuntary muscles just under the skin that, when experiencing a highly emotional state, activate when the sympathetic nervous system or also known as the fight, flight or fright response. When the muscle is contracted, it makes your hairs stand upright and gives you goosebumps.

The goosebumps I’m referring to are the ones you get watching a movie, hearing a speech, reading a passage from a book. It moves you in a deep way and gives you goosebumps.

This feeling of being moved or touched can be accompanied by tears, goosebumps, and sensations of warmth in the centre of the chest or heart plexus.

This experience is described in Sanskrit as kama muta, a feeling of oneness, of love or union.

One particular framework for emotional experiences labelled as moving is the concept called kama muta. Kama muta theory is the sudden increases in closeness and community which evokes a distinctive perceived positive social-relational emotion.

This emotion is often accompanied by tears, goosebumps, and feelings of warmth in the chest, and people often will use the terms such as “moving”, “touching”, or “heartwarming”.

The goosebumps you’ll experience in Maximum Growth classes, living life and doing “the work” are the soul goosebumps.

There are more nuances to why these goosies happen and scientific research is still debating about why we experience these types of goosebumps.

What they do know about goosebumps, after studying brain images, is that it activates certain structures of the brain like the amygdala (the centre for emotions, emotional behaviour, and motivation) and prefrontal cortex (cognitive control functions).

I can tell you from my experience, I’ve been writing my goosebump moments down since 2009. Not every one of them, but a large sample to see what is common to what my soul is saying.

There are some messages in there that are profound statements, like things to do with universal truths, setting a big, crazy goal and achieving it, and receiving a payment from a client with the transaction name being “lifesaver.”

When we align our souls messages with a business, and lead, magic happens. You’ll feel purposeful and that you’re walking the path that you are destined to walk. Every day feels that you get paid to be you and do the things you love most.

So {first_name}, open a new word document, start generating your list of goosies.

Love to hear what is revealed to you. Do you require changing direction in business? Or are you on perfect path for your souls calling?

Here’s to hearing the whispering in your ear from your soul,

 

Tanya “following my knowing” x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on one & group coaching available

Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

PS. Come join the Maximum Growth Academy for your opportunity to learn and apply quality questions every week.

Yesterday, Australia celebrated World Teachers Day.

So big shout out to all the teachers in the world.

And that is you {first_name}!

We’re all students to someone and teachers to others.

Can’t escape it.

Here is the beautiful part, the most profound classroom you’ve ever been in in life is . . . wait for it. . .

Here’s a clue or two:

You can’t buy tickets to it. The teachers are never the same. And it’s right under your nose.

Wanna take a guess?

It’s your everyday life.

Say what?!

I mean, imagine: every day you’re blessed (and sometimes cursed) with moments to teach you more about yourself, what your mission is (and sometimes what it is not).

Life blows every other meditation, seminar, guru etc I can think of right outta the water.

Because it’s relentless. It never ends. And the lessons just keep on coming.

My most recent lesson was painful.

I started training again with more enthusiasm and more goal oriented. I was focused on stepping up in that area of life as it has wavered. I know how important it is for my body, mind and soul, and especially for my business when I exercise, I feel alive.

Day 6 into training, I’m sore in every muscle group, and it huuuuurts so good (sing it with me {first_name}).

My intuition, thank you very much, was saying “slow down,” “take a break” and “rest.”

But did I listen to my teacher?

Nuh.

I forced on with more vigor than before.

And what happens, I’m in the middle of a set of burpees (that’s where you go from push up to jumping and back again). It’s my most hated activity, but I do it anyway.

Midway in my jumping in the air, there was my intuition again saying “Slow”.

I landed and I nearly cried out loud. I strain my quad, the first time ever in my life.

Dust myself off the floor, I hobble back to my apartment with my tail between my legs.

I’d just set a goal, I was working, and working hard to achieve it. All I wanted was to kick some goals.

But my body was teaching me a lesson.

1. Listen to my body
2. Follow and intuition
3. The importance of resting

That’s my lesson for today. (Thanks body).

Your teachers are everywhere. Your clients teach you things you’re not working on. Your finances teach you to be more accountable. Your business shows you the places you require growing.

You’re lesson will be different. Maybe it is to speak up more, ask for what you want. Maybe it is to stop saying yes to things you don’t want to do and more to what aligns with you. Maybe it is to stop serving a client, start serving different ones.

Borrowed from some wise thinker, “the difference between school and life. In school, you are taught a lesson, and then you get a test. In life, you are continually given a test, that teaches you a lesson.”

So why is no one teaching this stuff?

Because everyone has a different life lesson. No two people are here to learn the same thing, they don’t have the same purpose or path to walk.

What is taught is the mindset to make you adaptable to the ever changing landscape.

Let’s face it, sometimes you’re enrolled in the school of hard knocks. Your business is struggling, you’re lacking energy, you’re struggling to show up in doing what you love. You’re supposed to be leading your team, and they rely on you, but you struggle to even show up for yourself.

And then. . . bam. . . You’re slammed again with another lesson.

It all gets a bit too much (***deep sigh, you’re ready to wag school for the day).

In these moments, ask yourself “what’s the lesson here.”

Extract the message and add meaning to the mayhem.

You’ll feel lighter, more present, and purposeful.

Now, I’m listening to my body and my soul, and it’s calling for a casual stroll through the bush paths close to home. I might just whistle as I walk.

Curious to know {first_name}, what’s the life lesson you’re in today?

With gratitude,

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on one & group coaching available

Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.

PS. Come join the Maximum Growth Academy for your opportunity to learn and apply quality questions every week.

PPS – thinking of wanting a daily life lesson the Maximum Growth Walkshop. Dates for 2022 have been set. Just a small group of us. Guaranteed soul-moving conversations and a depth of introspection intensified by being in nature. Plus many life lessons learned. What do you think? Would you be down for that? If you’re thinking “um, that sounds perfect”, then click here so you can be on the “I’m a keen bean list.”

Let’s get a little lighter this week, because every leader needs some laughter and love sometimes.

I can’t wait to make party bags for my daughter, Bonnie’s next birthday party.

For the adults I mean. Because nobody needs more *dry heaves* banana lollies. Or those fake teeth chewies. Ew. There ain’t enough Demartini Methods in the world to dissolve that childhood trauma.

No, I’m thinking kickass YouTube video recommendations and essential oil samplers for the North Shore yummy mummies (if you’re not a Sydney-sider, they’re the posh ladies in your neighbourhood who practically sleep in athletic *ahem* athleisure wear and smell like vanilla cake frosting.)

But Bonnie’s next birthday isn’t for 6. Whole. Months. Ugh. Too long.

So instead I’m making a (digital) party bag for you this week.

And to make this weekend more festive than “naughty mums” at a 3 year old’s birthday, I’m sending you a Masterclass highlights (‘cause there were some great ones) and some take-home goodies.

Added bonus: this party bag won’t make you feel like you have to hit the gym on Monday… and it’s eco friendly! I can practically hear the sea turtles thanking you for digging into this already.

So, what’s in your Insights & Inspiration party bag this week? Let’s unwrap:

PARTY BAG TREAT #1

I hand-plucked these inspirations from the internet jungle for you. Certified biodynamic/organic. And they’ll keep you a safe distance from the brink of the YouTube rabbit hole. You’re welcome.

First up: The fastest way to ruin my mascara (after seeing our members breakthrough in our sessions) is to send me a story of underdog triumph. David and Goliath. Cancer survivors. People with disabilities doing stuff I could never. My favourite this week is this unusual America’s Got Talent show audition. Bring your oldest hoodie sleeve to dry your cheeks after. This one’s a wipeout gollywasher.

A YouTube channel worth devouring like a giant chocolate freckle: Soul Pancake. I especially recommend starting here, then here… and then keep going until you’re wading in a small lake of your own tears of gratitude.

On to the next layer of party bag treats:

PARTY BAG TREAT #2

Essential Knowledge Upgrades! (they last longer than essential oils.)

“What are the psychosomatic causes of *insert your symptom/diagnosis here*?”

I can’t tell you how many people asked that on my Ask Me Anything Class. Illness really is a big distraction from living your purpose.

I get it. Being sick sucks (until you find the blessings of course). We all want to read the feedback our body is giving us like a dusty old Egyptian text that holds the secrets to the universe so we can heal ourselves with jedi mind tricks.

But {first_name}, it’s not the wisest question. Because no one has an infallible list of mind-body connections. Their answers may not fit your physiology and more importantly, it requires subordinating to a perceived authority. No bueno, peeps.

The higher quality question you want to ask is, “What does *insert symptom/diagnosis* mean to me?”

Once you’ve got your answers then you chip away at dissolving the emotional charges you discover. Like salted caramel chocolates: the best stuff is inside you. You tasty treat, you.

And that is your weekly wrap up from me, my dear {first_name}!

If this email were yoga, I’d probably say, “carry this energy with you into the week”. But I’ll leave that to the North Shore yummy mummies.

Go party like the sea turtles just elected you their president.

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on one & group coaching available

Helping leaders to level up using transformational mindset work.

PS. Come join the Maximum Growth Academy for your opportunity to learn and apply quality questions every week.

P.P.S. People hate that ‘pre-Monday’, ‘don’t want the weekend to end’ feeling. If you know anyone who could use a pick-me-up (and c’mon, you definitely know people who get Monday blues)… be the party bag for their week and forward them this email.

This month was make your bed day (yes, an entire day devolved to a simple task).

Former Navy SEAL, Admiral William H. McRaven gave an inspiring 20-minute speech (a little one-sided but if you see beyond that, the message is transformative).

He shared the simple lessons that anyone can apply to their own life about how simple things, done repeatedly, can change your life, and perhaps change the world.

In his speech, McRaven recognizes everyone is different, but we all struggle as humans.

Think of it like this. We are all in the ocean. And at times, we can be in the middle of a massive storm, or a peaceful calm bay. Everyone has a different boat (ie, mindset). Some have a stand-up paddleboard, others have a tanker (and all the other variations in between).

Regardless, each boat handles the ocean differently.

• The tanker struggles in the calm bay to navigate the peace and quiet and it feels uncomfortable but stays strong in the storm.
• The stand-up paddleboard finds it impossible to handle the strength of the storm but breezes through the calm bay.

So how do you build a boat? Or more specifically, a mindset that can not be too comfortable in the bay and handle the storm?

Abraham Lincoln believed attitude is everything. Attitude isn’t something you are born with, it is something that you work at. And work repeatedly, day in, day out, week in week out and yes, year in year out.

In one of our previous blogs, we spoke about how a millionaire’s mindset destroys your financial future.

You might be surprised to know that many people who have earned millions of dollars during their entire working life end up spending all their money and have very little savings. Some have chosen a lifestyle now over savings for the future. (You can read the blog here).

To grow your finances to a million, it takes dedication every day to the tangible end goal by taking action and having the mindset to back that you are worthy of a million-dollar (and beyond) net worth.

A mindset that can’t handle the ups and downs of financial markets, or revenue if you own your own business, will be highly volatile, emotional, experiencing elation and depression by what is happening on the outside.

Essentially, the outer world, the outer weather and the waves of the ocean are controlling how you feel on the inside. These waves can keep you up thinking in the middle of the night from worrying about where your income is coming from, to being elated and overspending because of more money that you dream of flowing through your door.

So how do you build a mindset that can not be too comfortable in the up and handle the downs (not just financially but in every aspect of life)?

Here’s the secret, it’s the questions you ask yourself.

• When you’re up, you learn to bring yourself down by looking at what you didn’t do, what you missed, what you could have done more of, to balance your mind back to the centre.
• When you’re down, you learn to bring yourself up looking at what you did do, what you gained, what you had done, to balance your mind back to the centre.

You become like the little bubble level thing (It has so many names, a spirit level, a level, the instrument designed to indicate whether a surface is horizontal or vertical). This means no matter which way the leveller goes, you’re the little bubble finding the centre point.

When you know how to do this, you can brace for a massive storm, or not become too complacent in the calm ocean.

Investing in your mindset over and over and over and over again is vital. As you build your mindset, you don’t have to worry about what kind of boat you have, because you have the mindset to handle any unexpected challenge.

Mastering your inner world with quality questions, done repeatedly, can change your life, and perhaps change the world.

Plus, as you learn to master the questions in the process, you clear your baggage, you raise your ability to attract what you’d love, change your behaviour… and THAT levels you up, smashes through growth ceilings and much more.

It starts in your inner world.

I’d say it’s magic, but it’s really just brain science.

That is why making your bed is such a powerful way to start the day. You’re completing a task that will encourage you to do the next task, and then the next, and so on. It will give you a sense of accomplishment that you will want to continue to feel throughout the day.

And what happens if you integrate finding benefits to what you’d love to achieve that day while making your bed (or having a shower of power or any other daily routine).

Imagine what you can shift in your mind to set you up for an inspiring day.

It’s the small things, done repeatedly that help you build momentum and move forward.

Here’s to the little things in life, {first_name}.

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on one & group coaching available

Helping leaders to level up using transformational mindset work.

PS. Come join the Maximum Growth Academy for your opportunity to learn and apply quality questions every week.

Is your mind running a million miles an hour? What is wrong with this email? Why is there such a big gap?

And the deeper question is, does the silence make you feel uncomfortable?

This one’s a no-brainer (pardon the pun). Let me explain.

Almost everyone had some version of “the past 18 months have been so full-on. I feel totally overwhelmed/numb/in my head about things. What do I do?”

Grateful you asked. Because I’ve spent YEARS getting overthinkers out of their head and into their heart. (Some of the biggest breakthroughs I have are with those kinds of clients.)

And in case you were wondering, yes – it’s easy to get ‘stuck’ spinning your wheels in indifference. Especially when it comes to doing the Demartini Method by yourself. So don’t fret – you’re in the perfect company 🙂

Overthinking is a loop of unproductive thoughts on replay.

One of the most obvious reasons you overthink is due to stress. Stress tends to have a profound effect on the brain. Cortisol can damage and kill brain cells in the hippocampus (which plays a major role in learning and memory).

Chronic over thinking can also alter brain functions by changing its structure and connectivity. You have changes in mood, changes in your digestive functioning, and more wrinkles than you might like.

Not to mention the stress on business, family, finances and life.

The first level of overthinking is a mild level and arises especially during a stressful period of life. You’re able to regulate your thoughts, and come back to centre on your own (or with a little extra training and guidance).

The second level of overthinking is a moderate level. You’re realistic, but can’t stabilize your emotions within a short period of time and, thus, have problems with overthinking. You receive feedback with your feelings and experience emotions such as anxiety. Stress shows in other ways such as insomnia, excessive food or alcohol intake. This is where you require help to get you back on track.

The third level of overthinking is a severe level of overthinking. People with a severe level of overthinking might experience falling out of reality. When there are so many obsessive thoughts that are organized in mental constructions which are unrealistic, creating a false reality that exists in your mind. Again, you require assisance to balance yourself.

What is common to all levels of overthinking is that it is unresolved perceptions and emotional changes and your overthinking is trying to resolve it (although sometimes, let’s face it, it’s doing the inverse).

No matter what you’re working through, you’ll pass through 3 stages:

1. Charge (and there are squillions of levels here)
2. Indifference
3. Love.

 

1. THE CHARGE

The charge is easily recognisable. Overthinking is creating the charge. It amplies it, louder and louder in your mind. You feel it in your body, it runs your mind. The bigger the emotional charge, the more consuming it is in the mind, and your life.

 

2. INDIFFERENCE

But there’s a fine line that catches people between indifference and love. (A favourite place for over-intellectualisers to stall and stay.)

When you reach indifference it can sometimes feel like the wind’s been taken out of your sails. You intellectually know that there are equal benefits and drawbacks to a person or dynamic, but you don’t FEEL it.

You’ve found benefits in the moment and are grateful but still think, “I still wish [insert dynamic] was different.” (For comparison, see how it feels different to: “Thank you. I love you. I’m grateful I got to experience this.” See that? One SEEMS balanced, but the other FEELS balanced.)

So I’m going to tell you something a little controversial: allow yourself to feel.

Whether it’s numb, or frustrated, or any other emotion. Let it be your signpost to what is still lingering in your perceptions. I call this “following the feeling”.

That means you can feel to know what to resolve and dissolve.

Because you can’t heal what you don’t feel.

You can ask yourself this quality question as a test: What’s still in the way of you loving this individual? (Or dynamic.)

Remember, you’re human and as long as you remain human, you’re going to feel things.

And feel things often.

The key is not to push them down or not feel or even use overthinking as a strategy not to feel, but to treat them as your teachers: there’s a lesson (and a gift) in every charge.

To not think through your problems but instead, every great breakthrough requires BOTH thinking AND feeling. So lean into it {first_name}.

 

3. LOVE

Then there is love.

Love is more deep and profound than you realise. The big empty space above represents love.

It’s spaceless, timeless, massless, it radiates. And no words can even get close to feeling the depth of what love is.

This experience of love, this depth of love is what you experience when you apply the Demartini Method to the content of your overthinking. You take your mind from uncertainty to certain, from scattered to present. To feel love and gratitude expands and warms your heart.

This means that no matter what you go through, you can grow through.

Anything you feel, such as sadness (depression, despair, hopelessness), anxiety (fear, worry, concern, nervousness, panic), anger (irritation, frustration, annoyance, rage), guilt and shame/embarrassment can be healed.

And then overthinking will just resolve itself.

If you have brain noise from the past 18 months and you’d love to resolve it, then meet me at 7pm AEST on Wednesday this coming week in class. Come and learn to apply some powerful questions to transform your thinking, to open up to a new, deeper and more profound love. Check out all the classes we run at Maximum Growth.

TELL ME MORE > >

In the meantime, sending you a big warm fuzzy hug (oh feel that yummy-ness).

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on one & group coaching available

WARNING: This week’s Saturday Soul School edition is a very personal story about my brush with suicide. If you are dealing with suicidal thoughts and you need immediate support please reach out to official suicide prevention resources: Lifeline Australia / SupportLine UK / Suicide Prevention Line USA. And if you’re having a tough time and you want to work through it together, the doors to Maximum Growth are always open to you.

My heart dances inside my chest as I sit cross legged on the rocky edge of the cliff.

I’m alone, shivering.

The cold dawn wind cuts at my face. The night sky begins to break as the morning light peaks over the horizon.

A few eager walkers are about. Their shadows stroll by but I hide behind some shrubs, out of sight.

I can imagine the waves roiling against the rocks far below but I can’t see or even hear them.

It’s a long way down.

A fact that should push me back, away from the edge but lands as if I’d just thought, “oh, it’s Tuesday.”

I’d been skirting a mental ledge for months. And now here I am, quite literally, at the edge of a cliff, feeling my life wobble on a knife point.

I’m sunk in the heavy thoughts swirling in my head, drowning in my emotions, feeling all the painful experiences I had shut down and locked away. My emotions festering in the dark and silence, nameless and unknown, waiting to implode. Or maybe explode.

I’m here because of an accumulation of a lot of reasons, but it isn’t the stories that matter most, it’s how I was dealing with them.

The build up of unresolved challenges triggered a heap of repressed emotions to cascade down on me like a ton of bricks.

Waves of raw emotion came flooding over me the moment I tried to process how I was feeling. A flash of an insight, then pounded with another wave.

Ever been dumped by a rough swell at the beach? Struggle to the surface only to swallow seawater and sand before you’re pulled under again? Yeah, like that, but in your head. Over and over and over again.

Thoughts continued to rumble in my head like unforgiving waves, louder and louder, becoming stronger and stronger. I felt totally overwhelmed and out of my depth. I nearly drowned in my inner world. I struggled to dissolve the crap in my life on my own but the thought of asking for help didn’t even cross my mind.

So I waited on that ledge. Wondering if maybe, finally, it would be a nudge from the wind that took the decision out of my hands.

The police never said how they knew to look for me.

Was it the cameras on the light posts? A particularly observant morning walker? Divine providence?

Perhaps it was nothing more mystical than a routine sweep. Whatever it was, the next 8 hours changed me.

I don’t know if you know this, but there’s a strict protocol they have to follow when someone makes an attempt on their own life.

They make you leave the cliff and your car – for obvious reasons. Take you to the hospital, where they administer an official assessment.

Then, to be allowed home, you must be accompanied by a friend. Again, for obvious reasons.

So I had to lean on my network of people… except I was the one that people call.

And I was lost. Who do you call when you’re your own ICE contact?

That precise moment – looking at my phone, finger scrolling aimlessly up and down my phonebook – is when I finally and fully realised how important it is to have someone to lean on and guide you. (Not just to get you safely home, but for the months after too. All you have to do is reach out.)

Eventually I called my friend and surrogate mum, Lizzie who was there by my side in that moment and for the days, weeks and months to follow.

People often say, “you saved my life” but she literally did. Just by being a safe place for me to land.

That was 6 years ago, Wednesday.

I don’t have a ritual to mark the day, but I took a moment to write a thank you note to myself, for sticking with it. To the universe for having a plan for me far greater than I could ever have imagined. And for the people who loved me more than I ever imagined possible when I felt anything but worthy of it.

Because – as I’ve come to truly know – life’s too precious to take for granted.

Today’s a great day to remember that. Tomorrow, too.

I’ve reflected on my cliff edge moment a lot since then. Pondered how, why, what led me there.

And I wouldn’t be who I am today (and this wouldn’t be a Sunday Soul School email) without sharing the wisdom in my experience.

So, three takeaway lessons for you:

1. In my darkest moments I have learned the most about myself, about my life and makes me a better coach and human. And I wouldn’t change it for the world (but I have discovered other strategies to learn about myself without losing the light). “The seed germinates in the dark.”
2. Human beings depend on one another. You can’t manage your darkest moments all by yourself; no (hu)man is an island. As a student of human behaviour you may tend to go inward for answers. Sometimes they’re outside. So reach out.
3. And you’re never not going to be challenged, or challenged greatly, again. The real question is, “how do you gather the network of people who can help around you, so you can lean on them when you need them the most.” And don’t forget to ask for help. It’s a two way street.

So know this my friend: in moments of darkness, where you can’t see the forest for the trees, when life appears shattered, you can always reach out. Whether to a friend, a professional or me and the Maximum Growth Community. You’re not alone. We’re here to help you put the pieces back together again.

And if you ever need reminding of your magnificence, I’ll be the first to tell you.

Warm fuzzy squeezes,

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on One & Group Coaching Available

PS – I know this was a heavy email. But it’s too important to not share. You deserve to know that no matter how you feel, you don’t have to face anything alone. There’s a whole community here for you, even when you’re lost in the depths of the darkest corner of your mind. After all, were it not for the fierce love and belief of my friends in me, you’d not be reading this today.