In the world of coaching, we often find ourselves peeling back the layers of our clients’ lives, seeking to uncover the mysteries that lie beneath the surface.
But what about the stories that swirl around a client, or even yourself?
People love talking about other people.
Especially when they put them in a pit, to indirectly build themselves up.
But how do you know what they are saying is true?
When I first started doing ‘the work,’ there were whispers and rumours about me, lots of untruths.
Maybe you can relate to the intrigue that surrounds a seemingly quiet person who chooses to form deep connections rather than share themselves with the world.
One day, a close friend approached me with an unsettling revelation.
What gossip does, it allows us to own more of ourselves.
Because no matter what someone says about it is true on some level.
But hey, wait?! Are you confused?
Yes, what someone was spreading was untrue, in the form they were saying.
When you find yourself at the center of that story, it’s natural to deflect, to say, “That’s not me.”
BUT… here’s the thing: every trait, action, or inaction, no matter how foreign it may seem, resides within us. To deny this is to deny ourselves.
Understanding why people gossip is the key to unravelling the hidden truths beneath their words. Perhaps it’s jealousy, but often, it’s more complex than that.
Today, let’s shine a light on the deeper reasons people engage in gossip, reasons that may help you comprehend when someone is caught in the cycle of chatter.
- Anxiety: Gossip can be a way for individuals to cope with their anxieties, a distraction from their own worries.
- Need for Emotional Connection: Some seek emotional connection and validation through gossip, feeling a sense of belonging when they share or listen to others’ stories.
- Desire to Fit In: It’s easier to talk about someone else’s life than confront the uncomfortable aspects of our own. Gossip helps people fit in by participating in a shared narrative.
- A Bid to Be Liked: By bringing information to the group, gossip hopes to be accepted and liked, often driven by the fear of being an outcast.
- Jealousy: Sometimes, jealousy fuels gossip, as people try to bring others down to their level.
Now, let’s turn the spotlight inward and reflect on ourselves as coaches using some powers and adaptations of the Demartini Method to help transform your experience.
- What has someone gossiped about you? Take a moment to recall those rumours or stories that circulated about you. What did they reveal about your hidden traits or actions?
- Where and when have you displayed or demonstrated the trait, action, or inaction? Reflect on times when you might have showcased the very qualities others gossiped about. This is a powerful opportunity for self-discovery.
- What have you gossiped about someone? We’ve all been there. Consider the moments when you engaged in gossip about others.
- What was the underlying reason for your behaviour? Explore the deeper motivations behind your gossip: was it to establish an emotional connection, fit in, be liked, deflect, or be driven by jealousy?
As coaches, it’s our role to seek the hidden mysteries beneath the surface issues our clients present.
The next time someone approaches you with their story, remember to look beyond what’s apparent.
When someone shares ‘gossip’ or talks in a ‘negative’ light about someone, then, look deeper as to their intentions.
In the world of coaching, understanding the problem behind the problem what where the real magic happens.
Embrace the power of introspection, and you’ll be better equipped to guide your clients on their own transformative journeys. Seek the deeper meaning, the truths concealed within, and you’ll uncover the profound insights that can lead to genuine transformation.
Tanya x
Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
