“All passenger trains in Sydney scheduled for Monday have been cancelled due to a dispute between the NSW Government and drivers.”
One sentence, one decision that changed a city {first_name}.
Thousands of commuters have been unable to use the train service after rail passenger services were suspended in the early hours of Monday morning this week.
New South Wales Transport (AKA the Government) said they canceled services after negotiations with the Rail, Tram and Bus Union broke down over the weekend and as a result they could not safely operate train services.
You see, there had been an agreement made on Saturday night between the Government and Union but the Union did not show to sign the agreement on Sunday night, essentially stonewalling the agreement.
Stonewalling is common in business and relationships.
I’m working with a couple with children, who currently are stonewalling each other. They have major financial problems in the relationship. One wants to spend on the kids, one wants to save for a future investment for the family. They are not talking about their finances, not getting on the same page.
Rather than confronting the issue, they are stonewalling with being unresponsive (or speaking to others about their frustration and not to each other), tuning out, turning away, acting busy or saying “we will talk about it later.”
It takes time for this behaviour to wear someone down. First time with a no it is ok, second, you understand, third, you begin to question, fourth brings up frustration. Fifth and you’re fuming.
So, the individual begins to stonewall, you begin to feel physiologically flooded, which has a number of indicators: increased heart rate, the release of stress hormones into the bloodstream, and even a fight, flight or fright response.
When that happens, it is impossible to continue discussing the issue at hand in a rational way; you’re simply too physiologically agitated to do so and your irrational mind is running you.
So why does someone get to a point of shutting the door and not wanting to communicate?
It is what Dr John Gottman from the Gottman Institute has discovered from interviewing over 3,000 marriages that there are 4 telling signs your marriage is, with 93.6% accuracy, on the way out.
It’s criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling called the Four Horsemen.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. This metaphor is used to describe communication styles that, according to Dr Gottman’s crazy amount of research on couples, can predict the end of a relationship.
The first three horsemen are what become overwhelming enough that stonewalling becomes an understandable “out” from the situation.
Here is the kicker, when you do it enough times, it forms a habit and then the relationship breaks down even more as you aren’t even communicating anymore.
Let’s face it, this isn’t just in intimate relationships. It happens in families, friendships, and business.
In fact, it happens in ALL relationships.
As a coach I’m big into the problem underneath the problem.
Stonewalling is the last of the Four Horsemen, and is a result of criticism, contempt, defensiveness.
Therefore, we require working on clearing the charges around these 3 actions to reduce the lack of communication and increase the abundance of love instead.
So if you want to create a long-term relationship with anyone, in business or intimacy, come to class and dissolve your emotional charges around criticism, contempt and defensiveness. Set yourself up for fulfilling and lasting communication with yourself and those around you.
With warm fuzzy hugs,
Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on one & group coaching available
Helping leaders to level up using a transformational mindset work.
P.S. If you know someone who could benefit from coming to class to level up in mindset or business, then share this email with them or this link to learn more about group coaching.