As I was driving to meet a friend, a BMW driver in front of me tossed something out the sunroof at 70km per hour onto the road.
“The road isn’t a rubbish bin” ran through my mind. My instant reaction was anger.
Fast forward to the walk around the bay, my friend shared a moment where she was driving and had a lot of road rage inside her. She became irrational towards a stranger who cut her off (I hear ya sista).
As we explored her experience, her anger was triggered waaaay before she was in the car.
Anger grows from irrational thoughts, and leads to a difficult-to-break cycle of growing frustration. You want the cycle to stop, but you don’t know how.
Let’s understand anger.
Cycle of anger
- Trigger point: An unresolved button is pushed.
- Negative thoughts: Irrational thoughts occur.
- Emotional response: negative thoughts turn into negative emotions.
- Physical symptoms: autonomic response of increase heart rate, clenched fists and jaw.
- Behavioural response: your reaction based on your thoughts, feelings and physical symptoms.
The behaviour response of fighting, yelling, and anger is a response to the anger.
How to break this cycle
It can be hard for you to control your anger because you haven’t yet learned how to deal with the emotions you feel inside.
Even deeper, we often focus on the outcome, the feeling of anger but not the trigger of what started you to feel this way in the first place.
Or, let’s throw this in the mix, the repression of emotions that are not being dealt with that bubble up unconsciously inside.
Anger is a natural emotion.
Ain’t getting rid of this boiling sensation any time soon.
Yes, anger is isolating.
For example, teenagers who have trouble managing their anger often have fewer friends, behave in more negative ways, and receive lower grades in school.
This is often because teens who have difficulty with anger are often unhappy and feel isolated, even if they get a lot of attention for angry behaviours.
You are not here to control your temper. Control breeds out of control.
Yes, you want to take responsibility for your actions. You actually have the power to decide how you will behave in certain situations ahead of time if you find a way to “keep a cool head”.
But we all know in highly triggered situations, that’s impossible.
If you think about the consequences of your behaviour. Realize that how you behave affects not only you but also those you love and others around you.
However, this is allowing society to govern you.
One helpful tip is to pay attention to how your body feels and notice when you are angry.
Sometimes people are first aware of experiencing anger through their bodies rather than their thoughts or feelings.
When you notice your body beginning to react, it’s time to identify what triggered the feeling before reacting.
You’ll find the problem under the problem.
Then, of course, apply the Demartini Method on your misperceptions.
If you want to come and clear your year of any of your triggers in 2022, come join us for the Maximum Growth New Years’ Transformation Workshop here.
If you want to come and clear your year of any of your triggers in 2022, come join us for the Maximum Growth New Years’ Transformation Classes here.
With love and light,`
Leadership Coach & Master Certified DeMartini Method Facilitator
One on one & group coaching available