What About This Dynamic?

Tanya Cross on January 31, 2024

As a coach, I’ve dealt with clients who have experienced all sorts of challenges.

Passive-aggressive behaviour is one of them.

It’s when someone deals with anger or frustration by, for example:

  • Saying they’re ok when they are not
  • Pouting
  • Giving the silent treatment
  • Agreeing to do something and then not following through
  • Responding with sarcasm

When a client wants this dynamic to shift, here is what is important.

Find the problem under the problem.

Why?

Let’s define what exactly passive-aggressive behaviour is and why people demonstrate it.

Then, we’ll see how and why this phrase is so effective at shifting the perspective of the client.

Passive aggression is the display of perceived negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive or “passive” manner.

It often involves subtle and covert actions that may not be immediately recognizable as hostile.

Some characteristics of passive aggression:

  • Indirect Communication: Passive-aggressive individuals may avoid direct communication of their feelings or needs, making it challenging for others to understand their true emotions. This is shown when someone repeatedly states that they’re fine, even when it’s obvious that they’re not. Or, they completely shut down communication and refuse to discuss what is going on in their mind.
  • Procrastination: Deliberate delays and procrastination can be a way for passive-aggressive individuals to express resistance or opposition.
  • Sarcasm and Veiled Criticism: Passive aggression often involves the use of sarcasm or veiled criticism, making it difficult for others to pinpoint the issue.

Passive aggression can stem from various sources, including childhood experiences, interpersonal conflicts, or a fear of expressing one’s needs directly.

Further, since the underlying situation never gets resolved, it continues to be a problem and often comes back up repeatedly.

But if it is eroding relationships, why do people do it?

It is because people who are demonstrating passive aggressive behaviour are conflict-avoidant.

Instead of addressing conflicts directly and head-on, they tend to express their negative feelings or opposition in more indirect ways. This behaviour stems from a reluctance to openly confront or engage in conflicts, possibly due to fear of rejection, criticism, or feeling emotions they perceive to be uncomfortable.

So when you have a client dealing with passive aggressiveness.

Asking – how does them demonstrating passive aggressiveness serve only shifts the surface dynamic.

Let’s get back to finding the problem under the problem.

  • Not expressing themselves
  • Avoiding communication
  • Avoiding conflict
  • Avoid responsibility
  • Power imbalance (passive aggressive increases power within them)
  • Fear of rejection/not being liked
  • Not responding in a timely manner in arguments

These are some of the problems under the problem for the person being passive aggressive.

But for the client, you want to be thinking about

  • Their communication style
  • Giving mixed messages
  • Information being withheld
  • Competitive communication
  • Inconsistent communication

So for the client, the experience of passive aggressive can be an opportunity for them to step up!

Active communication is one skill that people can learn that’ll help with disarming people and shifting communication dynamics.

Here are some examples of active communication:

  • “I feel overwhelmed when there’s too much on my plate.”
  • “It’s important for me to have some alone time. I value my personal space.”
  • “I’d appreciate it if you could be more mindful of your tone when speaking to me.”
  • “I don’t like feeling pressured to do this.”
  • “I find it challenging to concentrate in a noisy environment. Can we keep it quieter?”
  • “I need more notice. It’s important for me to plan things like this.”
  • “I value punctuality. It’s frustrating for me when meetings start late.”
  • “I need acknowledgment for my contributions. It’s important for my motivation.”
  • “Can you please ask me before making this type of decision?”
  • “I’m uncomfortable with gossip. Let’s focus on positive and constructive conversations.”
  • “I prefer to receive feedback privately rather than in a group setting.”
  • “I don’t like it when assumptions are made about my intentions. Let’s clarify things.”
  • “I need time to decompress after a long day. Can we discuss important matters later in the evening?

‘I’ statements are not ‘you’ statements. You statements are accusatory and blaming and of course, people will not manage those conversations well. I statements help you to communicate how you feel, from your perspective.

When you clearly communicate your own feelings and expectations while also telling the other person that you don’t know what’s wrong and that you’d like them to express how they’re thinking or feeling.

As a coach, it is not just mindset that can help your client, it is also communication skill sets that can help your clients to navigate passive aggressiveness.

With love and sprinkles of wisdom,

Tanya “not so cross” Cross

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth

P.S. I’m doing the Power Walkshop in Sydney this year, want to know more?! Click here.
P.P.S. Interested in joining the Power Walkshop in Sydney? Click here.

Which One Are You?

Tanya Cross on January 18, 2024

Australia did well at the Golden Globes this week. 

 

3 Aussie actresses won. 

 

Sarah Snook, Elizabeth Debicki, and Margot Robbie.

 

  • Snook, who grew up in Adelaide, was awarded Best Actress in a Drama Series in Succession. 

  • Elizabeth Debicki, who grew up in Melbourne, won the award for the best supporting actress on television for her role as Princess Diana in The Crown. 

  • Margot Robbie, from Queensland, didn’t receive a specific award, but instead, Barbie won the award for the best cinematic and box office achievement.

 

You see, all three actors made their film or TV debut in 2009, 2011, and 2008 respectively. 

 

That’s only 15, 13, and 16 years later that they are being recognised globally for their work.

 

Sarah Snook’s breakthrough in her career happened in 2014, 5 years after she started acting in TV and film.

Elizabeth Debicki’s breakthrough in her career happened in 2017, 6 years after she began her craft.

 

Margot Robbie’s breakthrough in her career happened in 2013, 5 years after she started acting in TV and film.

 

Inexperienced Initiation

Let’s face it, at the beginning of any career there is a lot of uncertainty. And certainly as a coach. 

 

Because it isn’t about acting on a screen, it is about helping people with their lives. 

 

When it comes to producing the results you want, it isn’t happening. You’re not fully aware of your skills, or the individual’s problems. 

 

However, what is beautiful about this stage is it is the starting point for growth. This, coupled with the love to serve, you are on your way to mastery.

 

Awareness Awakening

Then you begin to see the path, you gain experience, and become consciously aware of your gaps in knowledge and skills. 

 

During this phase, we have early challenges and setbacks at this time. Maybe it is a lack of clients streaming through the door or a failed session. 

 

This allows you the opportunity to be tested, ‘Do you really want this?’ 

 

As you begin to develop your skills, you’re becoming more conscious of your incompetence (ouch – but true).

 

This is where you are seeking coaches, classes, and courses to upskill. 

 

Proficiency Pursuit

With dedication to your craft as a coach, and continuous learning, you then move onto the stage of being dedicated to your craft. 

 

You know you want this path, you have overcome the hurdles along the way, and you want to be persistent to achieve mastery. 

 

This is where you have honed your craft, actively applying your skills with a heightened awareness.

 

Sarah Snook’s breakthrough in 2014, Elizabeth Debicki’s in 2017, and Margot Robbie’s in 2013 reflect this phase of deliberate skill application.

 

As a coach, when you start witnessing significant outcomes with clients, there’s a heightened awareness of your skill level. However, it can often feel like a rollercoaster of confidence and uncertainty.

 

There are moments when you feel assured and confident in your abilities, and everything seems to align seamlessly.

 

Yet, with the arrival of the next client, you suddenly feel unfamiliar, and you find yourself grappling with uncertainty once again. 

 

Effortless Expertise

Now, this is where the magic really happens…

 

The pinnacle of mastery is reaching a state of unconscious competence. Kind of like, ‘I can do this with my eyes closed’ moment. 

 

This is when skills become second nature, and you, as the coach, can perform at a high level without thinking. 

 

The recognition at the Golden Globes symbolizes the culmination of their journey, showcasing that they’ve reached a point where their mastery is second nature.

 

This is where you think ‘Ah, I don’t need a coach anymore.’

 

But, what is important to remember when you get to this stage… 

 

Pinnacle, means the top, but the moment you don’t see another pinnacle in the distance (that you create), then you’re on the way down. 

 

There is room for growth and mastery here. 

 


 

So curious, which stage are you at on your coaching journey?

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

An Important Message For You

Tanya Cross on December 30, 2023

Hey Coach,

 

2024 starts in one sleep, and we wanted to share an inspiring story that we hope will ignite something in you…

 

This is an incredible story of determination and resilience with someone who has no barriers and knows no age or experience limit.

 

Clifford Young was not your typical athlete, he was born and raised as a farmer in Victoria, Australia, Cliff had never shown any particular interest in sports during his youth.

 

However, at the age of 57, he had a change in his values. The farmer from Down Under discovered he was inspired by long-distance running.

 

In 1982, at the age of 60, Cliff attempted to run a thousand miles (approximately 1.6 thousand kilometres) around Memorial Square in Colac, Victoria, aiming to break a world record.

 

Although he fell short of his goal, Cliff’s failure did not deter his pursuit.

 

Just a year later, at 61, he entered the Australian Super Marathon—a gruelling 864-kilometre race from Melbourne to Sydney (that’s 9 hours drive – imagine).

 

Unconventional Competitor

On the day of the race, seasoned athletes and spectators were bewildered when they saw Cliff Young at the starting line.

 

Sporting overalls and galoshes over his boots (think booty covers), he was at the start line, ready.

 

Many initially assumed he was a spectator, while others expressed genuine concern for his well-being.

 

After all, attempting such a feat at his age without sponsors or specialised training seemed implausible and even impossible.

 

But Cliff was undeterred by the outside world.

 

When interviewed by the media, he declared, “No, I can do it. I grew up on a farm where we couldn’t afford horses or a car until very recently. When the storm was approaching, I went out to herd the sheep. We had 2,000 sheep grazing on 2,000 acres. Sometimes I caught sheep for 2-3 days – it was not easy, but I always caught them. I think I can participate in the race because it is only 2 days longer and is only 5 days, while I run after the sheep for 3 days.”

 

So he’d be training for this moment most of his life.

 

The Journey

As the race began, professional athletes quickly left Cliff far behind.

 

Spectators from across Australia watched in awe, praying for his safe finish.

 

Little did Cliff know that completing the 864-kilometre journey required running for 18 hours a day and sleeping for only 6 hours, a fact unknown to him at the time.

 

To everyone’s astonishment, Cliff didn’t sleep during the race’s early stages and trailed behind.

 

However, each night, he gradually caught up with his competitors.

 

On the final day, he surged ahead and ultimately claimed victory in the Sydney-Melbourne Supermarathon, completing the gruelling race in just 5 days, 15 hours, and 4 minutes

 

That was 10 hours faster than his nearest rival.

 

Inspiring Others

In his victory, Cliff refused to claim any prizes for himself.

 

Instead, he divided his $10,000 prize money among the other runners, winning the hearts of the entire nation.

 

Cliff Young continued his love for running, participating in international events, and even taking on the challenge of running to raise money for homeless children.

 

His final running accomplishment was setting a world record in a six-day marathon in 2000 (so that is 18 years of doing his craft).

 

In 2003, at the age of 81, Cliff Young passed away, leaving behind a legacy of endurance and inspiration that continues to inspire generations to this day.

 

INSPIRATION & GROWTH

So 2024 is around the corner. What can we learn from Cliff?

  1. If you fail once, it doesn’t mean give up, it means keep going. The magic is in what you are avoiding.
  2. Your childhood experiences have meaning to your mission today.
  3. Don’t let the outside world influence your inner determination.
  4. Age nor experience doesn’t have to be a barrier to your mission. If you have an inner calling to coach, then coach.

 

Let’s make 2024 all about chasing our dreams and achieving more than we once thought possible.

 

With love,

Tanya, Justin & the Maximum Growth Team

Maximum Growth

Have you lost a sense of self?

Tanya Cross on December 11, 2023

When a person is stuck in the trauma of their past, they find it hard to imagine a future for themselves.

 

Coupled with the loss of identity, you question ‘who the hell are you?

 

Not having a sense of self can lead to a downward spiralling state of mind (think Alice in Wonderland – but you don’t go to such a wonderful place.)

 

For some people, their struggle is with choices they made in the past that have not aligned with who they want to be.

 

Some struggle with regretting the past.

 

Some do not love the skin they are in.

 

Whatever it is. The struggle is real.

 

What is common to these people is, they have a sense of stagnation.

 

Their identity is rooted in the past, and they can’t move forward. Time becomes this eternal loop. Stuck in the past.

 

When problems came up, it felt like a replication of a past problem.

Over and over again, unable to envision a solution.

 

Instead of dealing with the mayhem in their memories, they push them away.

 

Compress. Repress. Suppress.

All leading to depression. Depressed self.

 

It takes courage to review your life, face things that are painful, and ask quality questions to appreciate the choices you made under challenging circumstances.

 

It takes courage to draw a line in the sand to say, enough! No one else can make the change but me.

 

Yes, it is so difficult to face yourself.

 

But let’s face it (not you, but in a more general sense).

 

Facing it alone sucks.

 

That’s why we have doubled our Maximum Growth Community Co Working Space each week.

 

These classes give you an opportunity, when you are part of the membership, to join other like-minded coaches to do the work together. Face your staff as a team.

 

When you change any “you” statement to “we”, it gives a greater sense of belonging.

 

When you belong, you feel connected to a community, that people care, you feel less isolated and alone and can build connections and you get inspiration cooties to rub off on you.

 

So, when you have trauma, and you lose a sense of self, the next thing is to tell you that it will get better – but that means anything.

 

And in fact, it is only selling you a fantasy of the future.

 

But you want to imagine a future for yourself.

And you have to be willing to do the hard work to shift your perspective.

Because it is hard work staying where you are.

So you may as well roll your sleeves up, and get to work.

 

Come join us for Maximum Growth classes. The community co-working space is on 4 times a week, every week.

 

Be with others who are on the same journey.

 

Hang out with Justin, myself and the community.

 

Love to see you there. Hit “yes I’m in” if you show up next week.

Tanya “mind (and sometimes spoon) bending’ Cross – or just call me Bendy for short.

Unveiling the Intimate Mirror: How Sexual Expression Reflects and Shapes Our Inner World

Tanya Cross on December 2, 2023

A few weeks ago, I did a series of newsletters on The Mirrors of Human Relationships: Reflections on Growth and Self-Discovery (Read part 1, part 2, part 3 & part 4).

 

It was such a hit, and people loved it. I even noticed another coach using it in their program – Yah, to see the ripple effect of the work that is being shared. (You know who you are – I see you and honour you).

 

On reflection, it sparked the idea of two more to add to the series.

 

Today, let’s talk about how our sexual expressions and relationships also play a significant role in our personal growth and self-discovery.

 

Sexuality, a fundamental aspect of human existence, has the power to illuminate the innermost recesses of our identities. Sexual expression and intimate relationships serve as mirrors, revealing our desires, insecurities, vulnerabilities, and self-acceptance.

 

Let’s go deep. Really deep. Oh yeeaaah….. Hey! Where did your mind go?!?

 

I’m talking about the deep dive into the intricate dynamics of sexual expression and how it reflects and shapes our inner world.

 

Sexuality as a Mirror: Reflecting Desires and Insecurities

Our sexual desires and preferences often mirror our deeper emotional and psychological needs. Philosopher Simone de Beauvoir, who was about feminist empowerment, eloquently observed, “One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.”

 

Our sexuality is not solely an innate aspect but is also shaped by societal norms, personal experiences, and self-identity.

 

We have to work at our sexual expression, and our desires, and speak up. Like a muscle where you go to the gym, sexuality and the expression of it is important.

 

Navigating Sexual Relationships:

Effective communication is paramount in intimate relationships. Open, honest and transparent discussions about desires, boundaries, and consent can lead to more fulfilling sexual dynamics.

 

Sexual intimacy often requires a high degree of vulnerability. Trusting our partners with our deepest desires and insecurities can lead to greater emotional intimacy.

 

And this can be hard. Because after years or even decades, you might realise you like cucumbers but you never did before. And now your dream about the cucumber, you want it, you want it in every way, shredded, sliced, in its raw form… You get my drift.. But how did you have this conversation when your spouse thinks you don’t like cucumbers at all?

We’re allowed to change, hey! That’s a yes.

 

Sexual exploration can be a journey of self-discovery. It allows us to understand our bodies, desires, and preferences, shedding light on our evolving identities.

 

Sexuality as a Shaper: Transforming Self-Appreciation and Identity

On the flip side, sexual experiences have the power to shape our self-identity. They can lead to profound insights into our attitudes toward our bodies, self-worth, and emotional well-being.

 

Social norms play a role in our own perception of ourselves, our bodies and our expression. Here are some ways we can transform our perceptions and find a stronger sense of self in relationships and our sexual expressions.

 

Society often imposes unrealistic beauty standards that can impact our self-image. Exploring our sexuality can challenge these norms, allowing us to embrace and appreciate our bodies as they are.

For some, sexual experiences may involve healing from past traumas or exploring newfound empowerment.

 

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH

What I love about the Demartini Method is that it can be used for so many challenges, including sexual trauma and challenges, dissolving judgement and awakening more sexual expression within ourselves and with our spouse.

 

  1. What is one thing you have never done but wish you had?
  2. How would it benefit you to be able to express this/do this for both yourself and your spouse? Keep asking and answering the question until you feel the shift and feel ready to have a conversation.
  3. The material you have with question 2 you can use as your sales pitch. Go have a conversation. ie. “I asked my partner if they wanted to try a little role-playing. They said, ‘Sure, you can be the doctor and pay off my medical bills.'” Resistance or not getting the reaction you wanted means you haven’t sold it to them yet.

In the realm of sexual expression and relationships, self-awareness and self-appreciation are key. Communication becomes the way to break down barriers and get your needs and desires met.

 

By recognizing the ways in which our sexual desires, experiences, and identities reflect and shape our inner world, we can embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth.

 

It is through open dialogue, exploration, and self-acceptance that we can harness the transformative power of our sexuality.

 

Ultimately, our sexual expression can be a profound avenue for personal growth.

Feeling adventurous? Are you up for it?

Your hidden relationship pattern

Tanya Cross on November 25, 2023

Once upon a time, in a quaint little town, there lived a woman named Sarah. She was vibrant and intelligent and valued her relationships. 

 

Yet, Sarah had a way of approaching relationships that often left her feeling lost and unfulfilled.

 

Sarah was the kind of person who believed that her happiness hinged on her partner being there with her. She couldn’t help but rely heavily on them for reassurance and a sense of security. This made her relationships feel like a rollercoaster, with moments of euphoria followed by sharp drops of anxiety.

 

One day, Sarah’s close friend Jake sat her down for a heart-to-heart conversation. “Sarah,” he said gently, “It’s wonderful to value your partner, but don’t forget to nurture your own sense of self. It can help break the cycle of emotional dependence.”

 

Sarah’s trust issues had her worrying that her partner would abandon her for someone else. She found herself feeling suspicious whenever her partner spent time with friends, family, or anyone close to them. Paranoia was high. It was like a never-ending loop of jealousy and insecurity.

 

Sarah’s sister, Jane, offered her some valuable insight. “Sarah,” she said, “Every healthy relationship requires you to work on your own pain point that you bring into the relationship that is interfering with having closeness. Which is the very thing you want.’

 

Sarah yearned to hear that she was loved, appreciated, and valued by her partner. Without these external actions, she often spiralled into feelings of emptiness and sadness.

 

Sarah was inherently demanding when it came to her relationships. She craved her partner’s attention and affection. Whenever she was alone with her partner, she felt uneasy, and if her needs weren’t met, she would explode in frustration.

 

During the session, we explored this fear of someone leaving her, when she wanted to be chosen. Be the number one. Where does it stem from?

 

Digging deep down, it was her mother. Her mother chose God over her. And so then she clung so tightly to her partner for fear of abandonment, and that not being chosen. 

 

Emotional charges, left unresolved, create a hypervigilant state. This is where the individual monitors her partner’s every move, searching for any signs of disappointment or anger. Seeking a confirmation bias of affirming what they felt as a child being projected into the adult relationship.  

 

This led her to adopt a pattern of people-pleasing to avoid conflict. 

 

In the journey of Sarah’s life, she learned that recognizing these patterns was the first step towards healthier relationships. Becoming aware is the beginning of change. 

 

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH

  1. Reflect on your own relationship dynamic (or if you are single, choose a family member, friend or business dynamic), what is the underlying dynamic, and where it stems from (eg. Sarah – relationship dynamic of people please, avoid conflict, fear of abandonment – that stemmed from a mother’s wound.)

What is it for you? I’m curious. Feel free to hit reply and tell me your story.

 

 

Just like Sarah, we all have our unique relationship dynamics to navigate. 

 

Navigating the seas of relationships requires not just sailing together but exploring the uncharted depths beneath the surface. Explore the very charges that are hazing and interfering with truly being and loving ourselves and our spouse. 

 

By understanding these patterns and actively working on the deeper layers of the problem under the problem, we can create fulfilling relationships. 

 

Tanya “Heart Open” Cross

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

 

P.S.📅 SYDNEY BREAKTHROUGH EXPERIENCE 2024 📅

 

Save the date for SYDNEY BREAKTHROUGH EXPERIENCE 2024 on May 25th & 26th! 🥳 Use our link to join and be part of our BONUS event on May 27th at 8 pm Sydney time. We’re giving away the entire referral fee collected! Share love with friends and family—whether you’re a refresher or a new attendee, it’s for everyone. Can’t wait to see you there! 🤗

 

Navigating Survival Mode: The Mental and Emotional Burden on Money and Business

Tanya Cross on November 18, 2023

In the journey of life, we all face moments when we find ourselves in survival mode. 


Maybe because there isn’t a steady stream of work, you’re financially under pressure, or you are on the verge of a relationship breakdown. 


These challenging times can be emotionally and mentally draining, often casting a shadow on your financial well-being and business endeavours. 


As a coach, it’s essential to understand and address the intricate interplay between the mental and emotional burden of survival mode and its impact on money and business. 


Today, I thought it would be important to delve into these aspects and explore strategies and questions to help both you and your clients weather the storm.


Understanding Survival Mode:

We have all experienced survival mode, where you feel heightened stress and anxiety which is triggered by various life challenges. Maybe for you, it is a lack of clients, loss of inspiration, or feeling burnt out.


This mode often leads to a fight-flight-freeze response, where you prioritize immediate survival over long-term goals. 


The Mental and Emotional Toll:

 Let’s address what actually happens in your mind and body during this period of time. 


Survival mode can be mentally exhausting. Constantly worrying about making ends meet or the future of one’s business can lead to high levels of stress and anxiety. Sleepless nights, hiding away from the world. Struggling to concentrate. 


Clients in survival mode may struggle with thought patterns, such as self-doubt, fear, and hopelessness. These emotions can make it difficult to see opportunities or make rational decisions. It is also challenging to switch them off unless you have tools and techniques to help. 


Prolonged survival mode can take a toll on mental health, potentially leading to depression, burnout, or other psychological issues. Coming back from this point takes a. Lot. of. Work. Sometimes it’s easier to catch it and work on it before it gets to this point. 


The Burden on Money and Business:


Financial worries often intensify during survival mode. Clients may face income loss, mounting debt, or uncertainty about the viability of their business. That can then lead to questioning everything. 


Fear and uncertainty can lead to decision fatigue or decision paralysis in both personal and business matters. Clients may avoid making necessary financial choices, hindering progress and growth. Maybe it isn’t decision paralysis but just decision fatigue but this has an impact on change.


Survival mode can also strain personal relationships, as the stress from financial and emotional burdens spills over into interactions with all our relationships.


COACHING STRATEGIES

As a coach, I am surprised how many coaches don’t have basic financial literacy skills. These skills help you to make informed decisions during tough times. I’d encourage everyone in business to learn about budgeting, debt management, and long-term financial planning. 


Challenge thought patterns and help you to reframe their perspectives. Check out the questions of growth for what specific questions to ask. 


Lean on your support systems. That’s why we have classes each and every week of the year so that you can lean on us during stressful times, so we can help you get back inspired and energised about business. 


QUESTIONS OF GROWTH

  1. What is it specifically that is creating you to perceive survival?

  1. How does what you listed in question 1, serve you? Keep asking until you are certain the benefits and drawbacks are equal. 


These questions will begin to shift your mind from survival to thriving. And from the fight-flight-fright response to more long-term vision for your business and your life. 


We can sometimes stay stuck in this perpetual loop of survival, and it takes work to get you thinking differently. However, it takes energy and effort to survive.


So what would you prefer to do? The work to stay the same or the work to shift your thinking?

The Breakthrough Experience: Lessons Learned from The Breakthrough Experience

Tanya Cross on November 12, 2023

Last weekend I embarked on a whirlwind adventure, spanning 31 hours of travel, to immerse myself in the transformative The Breakthrough Experience with Dr. John Demartini. 

 

You might be wondering, “Why go to such lengths for just 22 hours in a room?” 

 

Well, as they say, sometimes you have to go the extra mile to smash through your growth ceilings blocking you from growing because…

 

A static state stifles the seeds of evolution. 

 

And deep down, I have the drive to evolve (you might relate?!). 

 

But I could feel stagnation creeping into my life, a subtle sense of plateauing in my personal and professional journey. 

 

The application of the Demartini Method in an intensely concentrated period of time has a way of shifting me, there and then and seeing the results, fast.

 

I see changes in my internal thinking, my business, my finances, and my relationships. 

 

As I navigated through the challenges of flight cancellations, airport sprints and 1 am wake-up calls, I clung to Demartini’s wisdom: “In every challenge, there is an opportunity.”

 

Entering the room filled with anticipation, like a kid on the eve of your birthday, knowing you have a new year ahead and wondering what life will be like at the new phase. 

 

One of the statements he made on the first day that still echoes in my mind is, “The moment you decide to master your time and attention, your life will change.”  

 

(funny – as we had worked on mastering priorities in our Business Class the week before, so it was a perfect message that aligned with our group learning)

 

The weekend challenged my perspectives, pushing me to reassess my priorities and redefine the areas where I invested my time and my energy.

 

As Richard Brandson says, ‘Time is the new money.’ But it is ‘time and energy is the new money.’

 

You can have a lot of time, and no energy, a lot of energy and no time. Both combined – wow!

 

It became clear that breaking through stagnation meant aligning my actions with my true values, fueling a renewed sense of purpose.

 

What is it that I truly value, and what is my true vision? Where do I really want to take my life over the next decade and beyond?

 

As he reminded us often, “The quality of your life is based upon the quality of the questions you ask.” 

 

Asking myself some uncomfortable and powerful questions helped me to get crystal clear about what I want, what i really, really want. (I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah).

 

I left The Breakthrough Experience with a new fire in my belly.

 

And isn’t it beautiful that when you make a decision, the people who are not aligned fall away, the people who are aligned, magnetise you? 

 

So, was it crazy to embark on a 31-hour pilgrimage for a mere 22 hours in a room? 

 

Yes, if it means more inspiration to share with you, I’d do it again next week.

 

What are you prepared to do to set a goal and sail?

 

If you would love to be aligned with your goals for 2024, then find out more details here.

 

Relationships Unveiled Part 4 of 4: Navigating the Labyrinth of Workplace Relationships

Tanya Cross on November 4, 2023

The workplace, with its intricate web of professional relationships, is a microcosm of human interactions. Just as children reflect our inner landscapes, siblings uncover our unresolved past, and intimate partners reveal our shadow selves, colleagues and superiors in the workplace bring forth their own unique dynamics. 

 

This is our last week of exploring the multifaceted world of Relationships Unveiled. Today, we explore workplace relationships, offering insights and strategies for personal growth and fulfilment.

 

The Workplace Mirror: Reflecting Professional Identities

Your workplace colleagues often serve as mirrors, reflecting back our professional identities. Our interactions with them reveal our communication styles, leadership qualities, and collaborative skills. 

 

Management guru Peter Drucker says, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” Learning to read between the lines and use your intuition to check in with reading the room. 

 

Navigating Colleague Relationships:

Workplace relationships serve as a way to grow yourself. Constructive feedback is a powerful tool for personal and professional development. Embracing feedback as a means to grow can lead to stronger workplace relationships.

 

Plus, it is an opportunity to build a network of professional relationships can open doors to mentorship and growth. Especially if you are a coach and you are working on your own most of the time, having mentors and role models can guide you, share their experiences, and help you navigate your business.

 

Leadership Dynamics

Supervisors and managers hold a unique position in the workplace ecosystem. They not only guide the team but also influence its dynamics. Leadership qualities, both positive and negative, can have a profound impact on the work environment and employee morale.

 

But as a coach, you might not have someone to supervise you. As a psychologist, a doctors, most healthcare workers have supervisors. But coaches do no. Finding a coach who can supervise you, who can share their knowledge, guide you, and help you with your own self-care is essential as a leader. 

 

With leadership comes influence. In the workplace, you have the opportunity to initiate and guide change. You can influence your community, clients and your colleagues. 

 

In workplace relationships, success lies in self-awareness, effective communication, and leadership skills. By recognizing that colleagues and superiors serve as mirrors reflecting our professional identities, as we navigate relationships and step into our leadership, we can use our workplace relationships as a means for growth and influence. 

 

As philosopher Confucius wisely noted, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” 

In the workplace, setbacks and challenges are opportunities for growth and learning. Embracing these opportunities, and harnessing the power of workplace relationships, can lead to a fulfilling career journey.

 

Remember that each relationship is a stepping stone on the path to personal and professional development. By nurturing these connections, you can not only excel in your career but also contribute to a positive and thriving community and culture.

Relationships Unveiled Part 3 of 4: The Power of Sibling Relationships

Tanya Cross on October 28, 2023

Let’s delve into the fascinating world of sibling relationships, drawing inspiration from both psychology and philosophy to provide valuable insights for coaches who seek to understand their clients facing challenges in work and home life.

 

When I reflected on the Relationships Unveiled series and thought about the niches coaches go into, it was interesting that there are many parenting coaches and relationship coaches, but how many sibling coaches do you know?

 

I can’t think of one. Can you?

 

Yet this relationship is your first peer relationship, the one you spend the most time with, that you have known and know you the longest. With such a foundational relationship, let’s deep dive into this together.  

 

In the realm of human psychology, sibling relationships have often been relegated to the sidelines, a lesser-explored facet of the intricate tapestry of human interactions. 

 

Sigmund Freud himself granted siblings mere passing mentions in his extensive body of work. 

 

I had to do some digging to find research on this topic and found recent decades have witnessed a profound awakening in the field as researchers begin to unveil the profound impact of siblings on one another’s lives. 

 

Karen Gail Lewis, Ph.D., a sibling therapist of five decades, has recently authored ‘Sibling Therapy,’ an eye-opening work that delves into how sibling dynamics significantly shape personalities and destinies. 

 

I know that, I have a complicated sibling dynamic. There was my older brother and I for 5.5 years. Then along came two younger siblings. But then I lived with my Dad, his new partner (AKA my new mumma bear) and brother full time. My mumma bear had a daughter who was 12 years older and was like a sister, friend, and mum all rolled into one. 


During my teen years, my brother was staying with his girlfriend a lot and wasn’t home. My sister was out of home and so I spent my teen years as, what felt like, being an only child. This definitely was formative in my ability to go inward. 

 

So it felt like lots of sibling relationships were coming and going.

 

Dr. Lewis beautifully unveils how early experiences and perceptions with our first companions lay the foundation for adult relationships, both at home and in the workplace.

 

The Sibling Crucible: A Laboratory of Life

Dr. Lewis believes that the sibling relationship is the crucible where individuals first learn to navigate the complex terrain of human interactions. It is during this formative period that children discover the art of conflict resolution, cooperation, negotiation, and competition. 

 

These skills, etched into their psyches during sibling interactions, often resurface in their adult relationships. This echoes the timeless wisdom of the philosopher Aristotle, who remarked, “We are what we repeatedly do..” Indeed, our early sibling experiences shape the habits that govern our later relationships, both at home and at work.

 

Parental Echoes: Recreating Sibling Dynamics

Parents, whether consciously or not, tend to project their own sibling experiences onto their children. Those who enjoy harmonious sibling bonds may expect the same for their offspring, while those burdened with sibling conflicts may fear their children will tread a similar path. 

 

Consequently, parents may inadvertently intensify normal sibling disagreements by intervening too hastily, inadvertently signalling to their children that they cannot resolve their issues independently.

 

Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, said, “He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster.” AKA, you become what you condemn. 

 

In their attempts to shield their children from the adversities they experience, parents may unknowingly perpetuate these very conflicts.

 

Sibling Dynamics in the Workplace

Sibling dynamics extend their tendrils into the professional arena as well. Research reveals that unresolved sibling issues from childhood can manifest as self-sabotage patterns in the workplace.

 

Neuroscientific studies have demonstrated that these patterns are deeply ingrained in the brain’s neural pathways, making them difficult to break free from without introspection and change in perspective. Luckily you have the Demartini Method, which does both. 

 

As coaches, understanding these deeply rooted patterns is instrumental in helping clients navigate workplace challenges.

 

Sibling as ‘First Marriage’ and Relationship Choices

Dr. Lewis refers to the sibling relationship as a “first marriage.” It is within this initial bond that individuals learn to live intimately with peers of the same generation. 

Philosophers like Simone de Beauvoir emphasized the importance of choice in relationships, and this extends to sibling dynamics. 

 

Adults may find that they unknowingly replicate patterns from their ‘first marriage’ in their choice of romantic partners. 

 

For instance, individuals who experienced abuse from a sibling may unconsciously gravitate towards abusive partners, echoing the philosopher George Santayana’s says, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

 

Sibling Dynamics in Friendships

Our early experiences with siblings can reverberate through our choices in friendships. Children who feel inferior to their siblings may, in adulthood, be drawn to friends who assert dominance and make decisions on their behalf. 

 

Understanding these dynamics can be vital for coaches working with clients who grapple with perceived toxic friendships, shedding light on the roots of these relationships.

 

The sibling relationship is a profound force that weaves through the tapestry of our lives. As a coach, armed with insights from both psychology and philosophy, can deeply understand their clients’ challenges, whether in the workplace or at home from a new lens. 

 

Recognizing the echoes of sibling dynamics in adulthood equips you to guide your clients toward self-awareness, healing, and fulfilling relationships. With this knowledge, you can empower your clients to embrace their early life experiences and rewrite the scripts of their lives.

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