Have You Heard Of Peter Pan Syndrome?

Tanya Cross on June 18, 2024

Have you heard of Peter Pan Syndrome?

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It’s when individuals struggle to mature emotionally and mentally in certain areas of their lives despite growing physically and chronologically.

 

Imagine an individual who excels in their career, perhaps growing a business or even climbing the corporate ladder.

 

On the surface, they appear successful, dedicated, and driven.

 

However, beneath this façade of accomplishment lies a reluctance to fully embrace the responsibilities and challenges that come with adult career life…

 

While they may excel in their specific job tasks, they struggle with broader aspects of professional maturity, such as taking initiative, leadership, or adapting to new roles or environments.

 

This individual may resist stepping out of their comfort zone or taking on additional responsibilities, preferring the safety and familiarity of their current position.

 

As a result, despite outward signs of success, they may find themselves stagnating in their career growth, unable or unwilling to pursue opportunities for advancement or personal development.

 

This is also known as Arrested Development.

 

This phenomenon manifests in various aspects, such as relationships, responsibilities, and emotional regulations.

 

Here’s an overview of why it happens and how it manifests:

    1. Developmental Trauma: Early life experiences, such as trauma, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving, can disrupt normal emotional and psychological development. These experiences may create a sense of insecurity or fear, leading individuals to avoid emotional intimacy or responsibility as a way to protect themselves.
    2. Overprotective Parenting: Sometimes, overprotective or indulgent parenting can hinder a child’s ability to develop independence and autonomy. These individuals may have grown accustomed to having their needs met without having to take responsibility for themselves, leading to a reluctance to face adult challenges.
    3. Fear of Failure or Rejection: Some individuals may fear failure or rejection in adult roles or relationships, leading them to avoid situations that could trigger these fears. As a result, they may cling to behaviours or interests associated with childhood as a way to avoid facing these anxieties.
    4. Spouse Financially Taking Care Of You: Some individuals may become reliant on their partner to fulfil their financial needs, allowing them to avoid taking responsibility for themselves. This dependence can reinforce a sense of immaturity or reliance on others, inhibiting their ability to develop independence and autonomy.
    5. Cultural Factors: Societal norms and expectations can also influence the development of Peter Pan Syndrome. In cultures that prioritize youthfulness or where there is a lack of clear rites of passage into adulthood, individuals may feel less pressure to mature and may prolong behaviours associated with adolescence or childhood.
    6. Coping Mechanisms: For some individuals, arrested development serves as a coping mechanism for dealing with stress, anxiety, or other mental health issues. Engaging in activities or behaviours associated with childhood may provide temporary relief from adult responsibilities or emotional distress.

There are many factors that influence Peter Pan Syndrome. It’s a complex interplay of psychological, developmental, and environmental factors that can impede individuals’ ability to fully mature and navigate adulthood effectively.

 

Why do you want to be aware of Peter Pan Syndrome?

 

If we are not willing to lean into the responsibility that comes with creating and growing a business, it will be the growth ceiling that keeps us in the status quo.

 

If you avoid adult responsibilities such as financial management.

 

For some people, there can be a part that doesn’t want to let go of things associated with childhood, such as video games.

 

There can be a reluctance to confront or address personal issues or challenges, instead preferring to escape or avoid them.

 

Which may be why some people struggle to move forward because they are attached to the past.

 

Human behaviour is complex, and understanding the psychological concepts that impact an individual will help you provide valuable insights into not only your own life but those you work with.

 

By recognizing the underlying factors that contribute to certain behaviours or patterns, we can better understand why people think, feel, and act the way they do.

 

This understanding enables you to find the problem under the problem and heal with a deeper awareness.

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

This Concept Affects Your Life

Tanya Cross on June 13, 2024

“[Man] is always becoming a new being and undergoing a process of loss and reparation, which affects his soul as well. No man’s character, habits, opinions, desires, pleasures, pains, and fears remain the same; new ones come into existence, and old ones disappear.”

Heraclitus

Oh, the wisdom in this one statement.

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Human beings are never static.

Yes, never.

Our pleasures, pains, and fears are in a state of transformation.

Even our opinions, thoughts and desires.

It is the reality of your human psychology.

You know this because your brain is malleable, continually influenced by new experiences and learning.

You can change habits, learn new skills, and adapt to new environments, no matter who you are, your age, or your life experience.

If life is continually transforming, why are there times in life when it is hard to change?

This is the paradox of life.

We are biologically equipped to adapt and evolve. Our brains have neuroplasticity.

But yet we have a resistance to change. Despite this inherent adaptability, we, at times, don’t want to change.

We seek stability and predictability over uncertainty.

We desire a sense of safety and security.

We want to cling to our current identities even if they’re not who we want to be anymore, fearing that change could lead to loss or uncertainty.

Biologically, our brains conserve energy by relying on established neural pathways, making the formation of new paths—which is necessary for change—more energy-intensive and initially challenging.

And we don’t have the energy to change.

Why, if we are naturally predisposed to change, do we often find it so hard to do?

One part is loss aversion.

Loss aversion is a psychological phenomenon. It is the tendency for people to prefer avoiding losses to acquiring equivalent gains.

The theory suggests that the pain of losing is psychologically more impactful than the pleasure of gaining the same amount.

As loss looms larger in the mind, larger than gains, it affects business and life.

A client springs to mind, they have great income in their current business, and to move into a new version of business, there is the pain of losing the current income, but they aren’t seeing the fullfilment on the other side.

The perception of loss aversion can lead individuals to make choices that avoid losses rather than optimise for potential gains.

Imagine it to be like…

The influence of loss aversion extends beyond economics; it plays a significant role in areas such as risk assessment, politics, and health-related decision-making.

Understanding this bias helps explain why people might act irrationally when faced with potential losses, even when those losses are hypothetical or the gains could outweigh them.

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

P.S. If you feel the momentum building, and you’re ready to take your coaching business to new heights, join us in Maximum Growth Academy here.

Dare You Not To Do This

Tanya Cross on June 3, 2024

It’s hard to believe that four years have passed since I led the team at the Breakthrough Experience.

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Looking back, I’m amazed at the journey we’ve all been on—investing in our own growth, building businesses, and navigating the complexities of life.

 

For me, this journey also involved raising a little one as a single mum, which added a whole new dimension to the adventure.

 

One thing I’ve realised is that true growth often comes from moments of challenge and deep reflection.

 

We never really see how far we’ve come until we pause and look back at the winding path we’ve travelled.

 

It’s like hiking up a mountain—sometimes the climb is tough, but when you reach a viewpoint and see how far you’ve come, it’s a new perspective.

 

I’ve been thinking a lot about authenticity and the importance of being true to ourselves.

 

We are here to “Become who you are” (Thanks Nietzsche).

 

Especially in business and as a coach.

 

When we build our business around our identity, when we bring our unique story to the marketplace, we create something that no one else can replicate.

There’s no competition when you’re true to yourself because no one else has your story, your perspective, or your voice.

 

In our journey, it’s easy to get caught up in what others are doing. Social media, industry trends, and external pressures can make us feel like we need to conform or compete.

But here’s the truth: the most impactful ideas and the most profound contributions come from within. When we focus on being our authentic selves, we create something truly original and transformative.

I have been geeking out on Søren Kierkegaard’s work lately, and something I came across has stuck in my mind.

 

“To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.”

 

I read it and welled up with tears.

 

“To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.”

 

It takes courage to stay true to our path, even when it’s difficult. Even when it feels like the whole world is against you.

 

It’s in those daring moments that we find our true strength and our most authentic selves.

 

Your greatest contribution to the world is to be yourself.

 

In a world that often emphasises competition and financial success, it’s easy to get caught up in chasing a quick buck.

 

But here’s the thing—when you pursue something that isn’t aligned with your true purpose, it rarely brings lasting fulfilment.

 

Instead, it can lead to burnout, dissatisfaction, and a sense of emptiness.

 

Focusing on service is where the real magic happens.

 

When you dedicate yourself to serving others, you tap into a deeper sense of purpose. You begin to realise that your unique experiences, perspectives, and ideas are exactly what the world needs.

 

By helping others, you not only contribute to their growth and transformation, but you also find meaning in your own life.

 

Trust that you can be paid for doing what is purposeful to you. This might seem counterintuitive in a society that often values quick financial gains, but it’s a profound truth.

Build a business that you love, not that you want to burn to the ground.

 

People are naturally drawn to authenticity and inspiration. They can sense when someone is truly dedicated to their craft and committed to making a difference.

 

Think about the people who inspire you the most. Chances are, they are individuals who have stayed true to themselves, even in the face of adversity.

 

They didn’t follow the crowd or compromise their values for short-term gains.

 

Instead, they focused on their mission and trusted that their dedication would pay off in the long run.

 

Financial rewards become a byproduct of the value you create rather than the primary goal.

 

So, don’t get distracted by what others are doing or how much money they’re making.

 

Stay focused on your journey and your mission…

 

Be patient.

 

Be persistent.

 

Be purposeful.

 

The world needs your unique contributions, and there is no one else who can do what you do.

 

With gratitude and love,

 

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

The Hidden Trap

Tanya Cross on May 27, 2024

Human behaviour is fascinating.

Let’s take the psychological phenomena that influence it.

Each phenomenon offers you a little peek through a window into how people perceive, react to, and interact with the world around them.

Whether it’s understanding why we sometimes stick to decisions that aren’t beneficial (like in the sunk cost fallacy) or why we might feel oddly out of place despite our achievements (as with imposter syndrome), these phenomena help us make sense of complex human behaviours.

When we understand the complexities of human behaviour, we can then better understand how to solve problems at a deeper level.

There is one phenomenon that I find people get trapped in and how it impacts you.

Have you ever found yourself deeply invested in something—like a career, course, or financial investment—where you’ve put in significant time, money, and effort, but no longer feel it’s the perfect path for you?

Yet, instead of considering the potential benefits of changing direction, you find yourself focusing on the resources you’ve already spent.

In this moment you are prioritising past investments over future opportunities.

It’s known as the sunk cost fallacy.

It’s a cognitive bias impacting your life.

It leads you to stick with courses, career paths, or relationships that no longer bring value simply because abandoning them feels like admitting failure and wasting resources. You find it difficult to cut your losses and move on.

A client comes to mind when I think of the sunk cost fallacy.

They had invested money, time, and energy in choosing a niche in their coaching business. They had the website, the communication, the content.

But they weren’t getting clients.

When we refined their lane, who they were actually here to serve, and their message to share with the world, they thought ‘how can I change now, because I have invested so much into this other path.’

This is the sunk cost fallacy.

The trap becomes being stuck on a path that you don’t love because the money invested is more important than having a heart in what you do.

Another client who had invested so much money in a property, that if they sold it, they wouldn’t get a return on their investment, but to keep it, it would cost them more money, and a loss of not living life as all additional resources are being poured into the investment.

For anything you change, you have to acknowledge this cognitive bias.

You have to see the lens you are seeing the world, and then you can change it.

Instead of viewing your past investments as wasted, you have to understand how there are valuable learning experiences in everything you do.

Take the lessons with you, and it isn’t wasted.

Use the experience as building blocks rather than barriers, so you can live a life that you feel open to opportunities in the future, rather than being bound by the past.

So if you have a voice inside saying, ‘change your niche, stop the course you are doing and start a new course, or cut your losses and move on,’

Then, perhaps see the potential inside you and focus on what is wisest for the future rather than what has been lost in the past.

Be flexible to change and realign when you feel the inner calling.

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

It’s not for you

Tanya Cross on May 20, 2024

You have a love to serve.

But…

Business is not your jam.

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Marketing, finance, or operations—it can feel like stepping into an entirely different and uncomfortable world unless you come into coaching with a background in sales, marketing, or something that directly supports your business.

Either way, business is outside of your comfort zone.

Embracing the business side can be daunting because it requires a different skill set.

Business demands you sometimes shift from a people-centric to a process-centric approach, dealing with admin, emails, automation, and operational tasks.

You have to have a priority shift.

Instead of deep diving into human behaviour, people, the mind, and methodology, you’re not in the trenches of learning about client avatars, sales funnels, google ads…

Plus, with budget constraints and being a one-person show, it’s not always commercially viable or profitable to invest in a team.

At some point in your coaching career, you must transition from being just a coach to owning a coaching business. This often forces you to stop thinking as an individual and start thinking as a business owner.

Imagine owning a product business without understanding the finances, having no processes in place for orders, or knowing what to communicate to customers about refunds or promotions. If you were in that situation, you’d feel overwhelmed and stressed, likely reluctant to grow or scale up your business.

Your coaching business is the same.

Embracing the business side of your coaching practice, while daunting, is essential and a profound opportunity for growth.

For me, it’s like my own personal development boot camp, where I learn to tackle complex challenges, create order, and grow.

As a coach, you already value learning and personal growth.

Applying this mindset to your business means integrating what you know, making your business a true reflection of you.

When you embrace the reality that you are not just a coach but a business owner, you’ll see that your business is an extension of your service.

Investing in yourself and your business enables you to harness its full potential, allowing you to make a greater impact through your coaching.

Remember, your business isn’t just a business—it’s a mission.

But don’t die with the music in you and know you have more to give.

Build an aligned business that reflects who you are to help you share your service with the world.

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

What an adventure

Tanya Cross on May 17, 2024

Last weekend, Bonnie and I were gifted an adventure called Splash.

Picture this: an industrial shed, decked out with gear like we were about to take on a paintball war.

But instead of dodging bullets, we were diving into buckets of vibrant paint and balloons filled to the brim with colours.

Frozen was blasting in the background, adding to the surreal atmosphere.

And then came the best part—the moment we turned into human paintbrushes, splashing and smearing paint all over the walls.

At first, Bonnie was a bit hesitant to get messy.

She’s so used to colouring within the lines, to painting on a piece of paper where every stroke has its place.

But here, in this wild playground of paint, there were no rules, no boundaries—just pure creative expression.

I watched as Bonnie tentatively approached the wall, her cup of paint gripped tightly in her hand.

With a flick of her wrist, she attempted her first splash, but it fell short, landing with a disappointing thud on the floor.

Yet, instead of being discouraged, she tried again, this time standing closer to the wall, her determination growing with each attempt.

And then it happened—the moment of messy liberation.

With a bold toss, Bonnie sent a cascade of paint soaring through the air, splattering against the wall in a riot of colour.

Her face lit up, her preconceived expectations of how she should behave shattering like the paint against the wall.

But perhaps the most beautiful part was watching Bonnie let go of those invisible expectations—the ones that told her she had to be neat, orderly, and composed.

In that moment, she embraced the messiness of life, reveling in the freedom to create without constraints, to express without judgement.

Being in the personal development community for over 15 years can sometimes feel like an invisible expectation.

  • You’re expected to have it all figured out.

  • You’re expected to work through EVERY emotion you have.

  • You shouldn’t get angry or upset.

  • You have to be switched on.

  • When someone is in need or crisis, you have to help them (no matter if you are on holidays, or it is midnight)

So you are the one who shares advice on helping people in their relationships, but your relationship falls apart,

Or you help people with sales, and you are on an emotional rollercoaster with your own sales,

Or you help people with their health, and you are struggling privately with your own.

And every time you struggle with the very thing you teach, the message you share feels like a betrayal to your client.

Behind the sometimes shiny facade, there’s often a silent but hefty weight that many in this business carry on their shoulders.

You hold expectations that are often set at an elevated level, sometimes beyond what is realistically achievable.

And the greater the expectation, the greater the split between who you are portrayed in business and who you are privately is created.

And yet, you’re not alone in feeling this way.

It’s almost a stage of the journey as a leader and a coach.

The height of this experience was in 2015 for me.

My outer world was on fire, and my inner world was burning to the ground.

But what I realised during this time

You don’t have to be perfect with your clients.

You don’t have to have your sh*t together.

You just have to be real.

Because the moment you portray yourself to be someone you are not, is the moment you set your clients up for unrealistic expectations of themselves, and set them up for failing (or at the very least – judging themselves).

In fact, it’s this very vulnerability that connects you to your clients on a deeper level.

So, instead of beating yourself up for not living up to some impossible (and one-sided) standard of perfection, embrace your humanity.

Embrace the messy,

For within it lies the raw beauty of the human experience.

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

All that dies inside

Tanya Cross on May 17, 2024

I have been seeing an acupuncturist in the city for the last three weeks.

She is the niece of the great-great-grandson of a type of Kung Fu.

Can you imagine all that wisdom and knowledge being passed down from generation to generation?

The depth of healing that would be shared on an intellectual and intuitive level would be incredible.

The conversations at family gatherings would be inspiring.

When I’m with her, I imagine I will soak up that knowledge.

“Absorb”.

I wish.

So, what is happening to the knowledge within you?

Because knowing you so well, you have a love to learn.

You’ve attended courses and classes and learned from some of the best.

You have a wealth of knowledge within you.

But too often, we play small and say, ‘I’m not ready, I don’t know enough’ to share your service with the world.

You think the path is to learn more.

Consume another course.

Attend another seminar.

Cram more into that beautiful mind of yours.

So you delay your service for another year.

Next year, you say.

Yet, another year passes.

As a byproduct, bigger doubt creeps in.

But to the degree of your doubt, you have equal confidence.

Your confidence is hidden. But it’s there.

Waiting to be unlocked.

Maybe it’s confidence on camera.

Maybe it’s confidence to deliver your service online in groups.

Maybe it’s confidence to leave your job and work for yourself.

Whatever shape or form you need confidence in,

Don’t die with the music inside.

You don’t need to know more.

You need to do more.

You don’t need more information.

You need more implementation.

And the moment you say you don’t know is the moment you are focused on self and not serving.

And remember this.

It’s a learning journey.

The journey will teach you all you need to know.

You learn on the job.

So, channel a little wisdom from Abraham Lincoln.

You’re not born to win, you’re not born to success. You’re born to live up to the light within you.

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

I’d never been so scared

Tanya Cross on May 17, 2024

I was so scared.

I couldn’t sleep.

I’d wake up in the middle of the night with my brain running a million miles an hour.

I was more than scared.

Making the leap.

Into the unknown.

But deep inside, I’d had a calling to change, but I didn’t want to hear it.

I wasn’t ready.

I resisted.

I insisted, ‘No’, it’s not the right time.

But deep down I was really thinking what if it fails, what if people don’t want my service, what if everyone says no.

I open my feed, and it’s coach after coach after coach.

The markets flooded.

Who am I to do this?

But the inner voice persisted.

My animal mind couldn’t drown it out.

Then it happened.

One day, 9 months ago, while attending the Demartini Method Training Program, I was drawn into a room with two newbie coaches.

I coached the coaches, and an intense fire lit inside me.

THIS IS IT.

This is what I’m born to do.

Teaching, educating, training, coaching, and serving.

A blend of all five.

To help coaches share their service with the world.

Lights my heart on fire.

And that moment of calling Justin.

“I have to share something, and it’s really scary to admit”.

Patiently, he waited.

“I want to coach coaches”.

Silence.

“I was thinking the same thought this morning”.

Tears filled my eyes.

That was the day the decision was made.

But it took 9 months for us to reposition Maximum Growth’s marketing, message, the Academy to match our new vision.

Working quietly while no one else is watching, creating training, courses, and content so coaches can do their inner work to shift their business.

It’s inspiring to see a coach create and build their own business.

They get to express themselves in the world.

So Sunday, a few weeks ago, I’m lying in bed.

I’m still scared.

But what I have is certainty.

Certain about the lane we picked. Certain with the direction we’re going. Certain with whom and how we’d love to serve.

I’m settling into being scared.

It’s a part of the transition process.

But each day I take the next step, I fill my heart with the love of service and the service of love.

And everything can be taken away, the business, clients, income but my love to serve will remain.

Tanya x

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

I haven’t done this in years

Tanya Cross on May 17, 2024

Picture this. A little kids whines “I’m bored”. Almost instinctively parent A jumps in to alleviate it. “Go do x, x or z”. It’s like we’re wired to give an instant solution. It’s so tempting to fill kids up with moment by moment activities, thinking we’re helping them – and helping our own sanity. But maybe. Just maybe we could lean into being bored.

What Would You Do?

Tanya Cross on May 15, 2024

Imagine this: you’re handed $10,000, no strings attached. What’s the first thing you do with it? Put it away for a rainy day? Invest in your education? Maybe you’d splurge on something you’ve been eyeing for a while or use it to pay off lingering bills?

Nothing Is Missing, What Are You Searching For?