Last weekend, Bonnie and I were gifted an adventure called Splash.
Picture this: an industrial shed, decked out with gear like we were about to take on a paintball war.
But instead of dodging bullets, we were diving into buckets of vibrant paint and balloons filled to the brim with colours.
Frozen was blasting in the background, adding to the surreal atmosphere.
And then came the best part—the moment we turned into human paintbrushes, splashing and smearing paint all over the walls.
At first, Bonnie was a bit hesitant to get messy.
She’s so used to colouring within the lines, to painting on a piece of paper where every stroke has its place.
But here, in this wild playground of paint, there were no rules, no boundaries—just pure creative expression.
I watched as Bonnie tentatively approached the wall, her cup of paint gripped tightly in her hand.
With a flick of her wrist, she attempted her first splash, but it fell short, landing with a disappointing thud on the floor.
Yet, instead of being discouraged, she tried again, this time standing closer to the wall, her determination growing with each attempt.
And then it happened—the moment of messy liberation.
With a bold toss, Bonnie sent a cascade of paint soaring through the air, splattering against the wall in a riot of colour.
Her face lit up, her preconceived expectations of how she should behave shattering like the paint against the wall.
But perhaps the most beautiful part was watching Bonnie let go of those invisible expectations—the ones that told her she had to be neat, orderly, and composed.
In that moment, she embraced the messiness of life, reveling in the freedom to create without constraints, to express without judgement.
Being in the personal development community for over 15 years can sometimes feel like an invisible expectation.
- You’re expected to have it all figured out.
- You’re expected to work through EVERY emotion you have.
- You shouldn’t get angry or upset.
- You have to be switched on.
- When someone is in need or crisis, you have to help them (no matter if you are on holidays, or it is midnight)
So you are the one who shares advice on helping people in their relationships, but your relationship falls apart,
Or you help people with sales, and you are on an emotional rollercoaster with your own sales,
Or you help people with their health, and you are struggling privately with your own.
And every time you struggle with the very thing you teach, the message you share feels like a betrayal to your client.
Behind the sometimes shiny facade, there’s often a silent but hefty weight that many in this business carry on their shoulders.
You hold expectations that are often set at an elevated level, sometimes beyond what is realistically achievable.
And the greater the expectation, the greater the split between who you are portrayed in business and who you are privately is created.
And yet, you’re not alone in feeling this way.
It’s almost a stage of the journey as a leader and a coach.
The height of this experience was in 2015 for me.
My outer world was on fire, and my inner world was burning to the ground.
But what I realised during this time
You don’t have to be perfect with your clients.
You don’t have to have your sh*t together.
You just have to be real.
Because the moment you portray yourself to be someone you are not, is the moment you set your clients up for unrealistic expectations of themselves, and set them up for failing (or at the very least – judging themselves).
In fact, it’s this very vulnerability that connects you to your clients on a deeper level.
So, instead of beating yourself up for not living up to some impossible (and one-sided) standard of perfection, embrace your humanity.
Embrace the messy,
For within it lies the raw beauty of the human experience.
Tanya x
Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)