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A warped perception does not announce itself. It installs early, reinforces quietly, and becomes the standard the leader measures everything against.
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This Warped My PerceptionI was at the shops with Bonnie over the weekend when she picked up a Barbie doll. She was engrossed, putting its shoes back on and playing with it in the store. And as I watched her, something landed. Because she was absorbing a picture of what a woman is supposed to look like. Not from a conversation. Not from a lesson. From the shape of a toy in her hands. In fact, it made me think about how the same process runs underneath leadership. Not with dolls. With models.
Where the Warped Perception Comes FromAfter all, leaders carry an image of what leadership is supposed to look like. Confident. Certain. Composed under pressure. Available at all hours. Carrying the weight without showing the cost. No one chose that image. The leader absorbed it. Rather, from the leaders who came before. From the culture of the industry. From the quiet expectations of boards, clients, and teams who needed someone to look like they had it handled. Over time, the absorbed image becomes the standard. And the standard becomes the filter through which the leader measures themselves. Not against what is true. Against what was modelled. And so this is the warped perception most leaders do not see. The image they are trying to match was not accurate. Others projected it based on what they needed to see, not on what leadership requires.
The Cost of Performing a Version That Was Not YoursWhen the standard is warped, the performance follows. The leader who believes leadership means certainty stops asking questions. The leader who believes leadership means composure stops expressing what is happening underneath. The leader who believes leadership means availability stops protecting the space they need to think clearly. In fact, this is the Success Persona. The version of the leader the environment shaped to match what it required, not what the leader needed to lead well. And the body holds the cost of the performance. The calendar holds the evidence. And the leader keeps measuring themselves against an image that would not survive contact with the reality of what they carry.
How the Warped Perception ShiftsHowever, the shift does not start with doing more. It starts with seeing the model clearly. So where did the image come from. Whose version of leadership is it. And what would change if the leader stopped trying to match it and started leading from what is true for them. The warped perception is not a failure of character. It is a pattern the leader absorbed early, reinforced often, and left unexamined because they were too busy performing to question the standard. Once the leader sees the perception for what it is, the leader stops trying to match an image that was not theirs. As a result, the version of leadership that emerges is more grounded, more sustainable, and more effective than the performance it replaces.
The Standard Changes When the Leader DoesThe history of beauty standards shows how quickly the ideal shifts. After all, what was aspirational in one decade becomes outdated in the next. And the same is true of leadership. The stoic, always-on model of leadership belonged to a context that no longer exists. But the leaders still performing it are paying a price that compounds quietly. But the leaders who see the warped perception for what it is get to put it down. Not because the old model served no purpose. Because the leader borrowed it. Because borrowed models stop fitting once the leader outgrows the context they came from. Ultimately, the question is whether the leader is willing to see the image they have been matching and decide if it is still theirs to carry.
If you are leading from a model you did not choose and the cost is starting to show, book a 15-minute Strategy Call and explore what shifts when the performance stops and the leader underneath it steps forward.
To your brilliance, Tanya Cross Industry Leader Coach & The Coaches’ Coach BAppSoSc (Counselling) |
