{first_name}. A monologue in half an act:

One facilitator, trembling in her pencil skirt,

In fair Australia where we lay our scene,

With sheer will did break from nigh obscurity

And get clients who pay her fee.

Ok, torturous rendition of Shakespeare aside (you’re welcome, btw), I was the poster child for Impostor Syndrome when I started out.

No matter which way you slice it nor what you do for work, thinking “who am I to do this? Why would anyone listen to me?” bites us all at least once.

“But Tanya, you were the first Master Certified facilitator in Australia and you managed and trained the facilitators for years and you presented the 12 month follow up program to The Breakthrough Experience…”

You charmer. Trust me, my put togetherness now is not how it always was.

Allow me to demonstrate:

Transport yourself to 12(ish) years ago. Back to the Wild Wild West of the personal development industry (giddyup!)

Life coaches were being taken to court.

There was a giant fuss about accreditation.

Selling info products was still a relatively new thing at this point, too. (So you couldn’t just whip up an online thing and launch it.)

The term “life coach” was new, too.

“Sorry you’re a what? Like my son’s basketball coach but for my life? Oh, I just remembered I have to feed my cat. Later. *whispers* whacko.”

(Which was fair. Life coaches were everywhere. And most of them got into it because it was their way to heal themselves, not because they wanted to truly serve others. Hence the industry trainwreck.)

Marketing yourself was scary AF.

You had to fight tooth and nail for every shred of self-certainty and belief. Never knowing if that shred was going to be ripped from your heart by a Herald article or another coach’s (probably well intentioned, but stupid) actions.

It was all one giant experiment. One where the parameters changed daily, because the market did.

We tried to figure out what worked and didn’t to get clients… and prove we could truly help people.

I attended and hosted hundreds of seminars & webinars (on GoToWebinar. Yes, I’m that old)…

…spent thousands on shouty, annoying advertising

…networked like a mofo (which always felt contrived at best, dirty at worst)

…And watched the big seminar promotion companies swallow the little guys whole… and then watched their live event ‘pitchfest’ model crumble.

(Remember that? Ew.)

As if the environment wasn’t shaky enough, I was straight-outta-the-training new to facilitating and learning my craft.

Barely had any experience. No Facebook group. No brand recognition.

Oh and the cherry on top?

Other students had been not only studying but facilitating with the Demartini Method for 15 years already by the time I came on the scene.

(Big fish, small pond.)

Who the hell was I to waltz in and start claiming I could do this stuff? Shouldn’t I have joined the back of the queue? Waited my turn? Deferred to seniority?

(Any of this self-talk sounding familiar?)

All this to say:

If self-doubt and fear could nourish starving children I could’ve cured world hunger in like, a week. Two, tops.

So the $1million BHAQ (Big Hairy Audacious Question), {first_name}, was:

How do you become a trusted authority in the middle of this shitshow? And more importantly, get paid for it? Especially when you’ve not even had a chance to prove you can really do it… to yourself?

Fast forward to today and well, clearly things turned out pretty great.

I get to consult with leaders of companies, communities, and I get to work with the incredible Maximum Growth community every day (that’s you, {first_name}. Look sharp!)

Most importantly though, I’ve been doing this gig long enough now I can dodge impostor syndrome.

But it takes work.

I knew that if I just kept showing up, starting conversations, embracing the cost of growing my craft and my brand… to become truly worthy of my dream payday (and career)… that it would happen.

And you know what?

It was scrappy for a few years.

Like those street urchins fighting over a stolen loaf in Oliver Twist.

You’d get a client for one session, and then they’d ghost you. Or you’d host a cracking workshop and no one would buy coaching afterwards. You’d charge bargain basement prices and get drabs, not hordes (even though you were offering your absolute best stuff, which the gurus charged 10x your fee for.)

All of which is like refined sugar for Impostor Voice in your head.

But trying, failing and persisting – that’s how you become known for the thing you love.

(As long as you show up authentically and decide to take responsibility.)

Even more importantly, it’s how you myelinate the ‘certainty pathways’ in your head. Proving to yourself you can be and do and have all the things you want. (And say, buh-bye to Impostor Syndrome.)

Reaching out, talking to mentors and potential clients, keeping your eyes peeled for insights, sharing yours… consistently sharpening your craft on the whetstone of you.

That gives you credibility and poise well before you earn the Master Certification (or equivalent in your industry) and clients who don’t even blink at your pricetag.

If I could give you just one impostor-syndrome busting, client-attracting secret no matter if you’re a facilitator, plumber, real estate agent or still figuring out your next step, (I have more, but this email is looooong already) it would be this:

Serve with what you have right now.

Constantly develop your skills. If not on your clients, on yourself. Because you are your best client. Make mistakes and learn from them. ‘Fail’ a lot. Reach out to others who look like they’re where you want to be and where possible, pay them for their time. Makes their wisdom stick better.

That’s how every single ‘try-fail-learn’ cycle becomes an evolution for you.

And with that evolution comes growth in not only your skills, but your certainty. (And your worth.)

Thankfully, it also avoids the rather morbid fate that two star-crossed lovers endured. (Bonus points if you got that my opening monologue was lifted from Romeo + Juliet 😉

No homework today.

Go out and shine your light.

Love,

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on One and Group Coaching Available

Do you remember when you were a kid and you learned to ride a bike?

For me, I was at the top of the hill on Mills St, Hampton in Melbourne. I’m on my pink bike, with tassels hanging from the handle bars, multicolored wheel spoke beads that rattled as I rode, fixed with training wheels, my Dad behind me, and off we went using momentum to get me moving.

Riding our bikes was a family favorite. My brother, Dad and I would venture off down Beach road with million dollar mansions on one side and the bay on the other each weekend. I’d jump on my bike, pedal as fast, my training wheels banging side to side as I pushed harder down.

Everyone started with training wheels (you nod in agreement). No one stopped to question is this the best way to learn how to ride a bike?

When it came to take off the training wheels, this is where I became undone. I had learned how to pedal fast, but not how to balance and ride a bike.

Pedalling is the easy part, anyone can sit on a seat and push down on a pedal (or down and up if you’re a pro strapped into your pedal). It’s the balancing that is the challenge.

Imagine it like a baby learning to walk, but you aided it instead of letting it learn to stand and balance, and take its steps on it’s own. The baby fell down more times than you can count, but they eventually learned to walk.

And one of the skills you learn when riding a bike is that you steer by leaning, and not by turning the handlebars. Training wheels create in the brain tha reverse of this as you’d not be learning at all, and form habits which aren;t helpful for the skill of riding a bike. You then have to unlearn this once the training wheels come off.

So some lessons so far;

• Sometimes what we think is supporting us, is actually holding us back from achieving our goals.
• Sometimes learning the easy way leads to hard work in unlearning the skill.

Fast forward to today, and training wheels are going out and balance bikes are in (it’s a bike without pedals). This way, they can progress from a balanced bike to pedaling and learn the skills required to actually ride a bike.

Why did it take decades for someone to come up with this simple idea? The new study, led by researchers from the University of Virginia, might have the answer: When wanting to make something more effective, it’s a human tendency to add rather than subtract.

You can geek out on all the results of the study here or watch the Youtube Less is more here. In a nutshell,Sixty-one percent of the people in the group who received the reminder made subtractive changes. The control group that didn’t get this reminder only made subtractive changes 41 percent of the time. Followup experiments show that people simply don’t think about subtracting when problem-solving. Thus, their default approach to problem-solving was to add to the initial model.

Maybe this thinking is the reason why some people struggle to work out how to resolve overburdened schedules, solve business challenges or simply how to teach your child to ride a bike. We find ourselves adding more meetings, more steps, more systems, more of something thinking ‘more’ will solve the problem.

Opting for complexity rather than simplification can be because of a sunk-cost bias, in which people continue investing in things for which time, money or effort has already been spent. And taking things away from what you’ve already invested in doesn’t make as much sense.

When we look for solutions, we look to add things on to upgrade them rather than asking what can be taken away.

With

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on One and Group Coaching Available

“No.”

Say it. Go on. Say “no.”

Saying “no” can be difficult, but your business success is based on what you say no to, not what you say yes to and here’s why.

We think success is built on a saying “yes” to opportunities that come our way. We want to grow, take on new opportunities, say yes to deals, even if it seems daunting or uncertain.

Sometimes we even say “yes” out of a fear of turning down an opportunity even once sends a message that we’re not interested, we don’t want the work and we think it will stop getting additional chances or clients in the future.

You can’t serve everyone, nor would you want to either. Plus, your time is not infinite. There’s only so many clients you can see, content you can create, and life outside of work you have each week.

Saying yes can be an instant gratification hit, please others, feel good in the moment but does it lead you to where you’d love your life to be?

You may want to just go with the flow, keep others liking you, and be so accommodating that you lose sight of yourself.

In our business class this week, one of the members shared a story that I had to reshare with you (names excluded for privacy).

She’s been a practitioner for a long time so she’d had lots of practice saying yes to clients that she wanted to say no to. The day she knew she’d learnt this lesson was massive.

She’d said ‘no’ to ‘a seemingly ideal client’, because her intuition said so although she had no logical reason. And especially saying no meant less income which was a strain on a single income family and money being precious.

About 2 months later the client she’d said no to, had an incredibly traumatic experience that I would have been complicit in, that resulted in a death, court cases and the de-registration of practitioners.

She literally looked up at the stars and sent up a prayer of gratitude for listening to herself above all else. She thinks of this client literally every time she doubts her own intuition and says no to clients.

Gives you goosies hey {first_name}.

Saying no can be very powerful to grow your business because it’s what sets the standard of what you’d love your life to be. Saying no to others is saying yes to you.

Notice what you sacrifice when you say yes helps you be able to say “no.” Every yes, that is not a genuine ‘yes’ creates resentment within. You’ll find myself sacrificing you for them. And let’s face it, it generally comes to bite you in the bum eventually.

In an article on saying no in business by Forbes Magazine, they shared “Billionaire Warren Buffett, the chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, has a theory on this subject worth exploring: “The difference between successful people and really successful people,” he says, “is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” Bam!

Your business success is based on what you say no to, not what you say yes to but I can’t help but the thought deeper with you.

It’s tough to turn away a client, money, an offer or promotion, but it’s doing what is most aligned with you even if it means that people are mad or disappointed in you.

Then really it’s more than your ability or inability to say no or not.

The problem underneath the problem is this; how comfortable are you at handling other people’s negative emotions?

And how comfortable are you {first_name}?

Because if you can be with yourself, and handle the burning fire around you, you have mastered yourself.

Which means their emotions are their stuff, not yours. And their experience doesn’t influence your own.

I know a powerful question asking methodology called the Demartini Method that can help transform this dynamics,(click here if you’re curious in joining group coaching). No matter the emotion, nor how uncomfortable it is, there is a question to ask to dissolve your emotions or perceptions of theirs and have appreciation for them and yourself.

There is no need to feel guilty about saying no. (Check out this previous article, the hierarchy of charge (linguistic: annoyed vs F**KING HELL) on how to deal with emotions).

Don’t avoid saying no. Yep. Some people avoid the resistance they’ll get to keep the peace, not ruffle feathers, but you’re avoiding challenge. So how comfortable can you be with the uncomfortable?

No one likes to hear the words ‘no.’ But what if you saying no was freeing them to be served in a way that was more aligned with their outcomes and goals. Or made them more internally resourceful themselves. You might say no more often if you knew the blessings for them.

The thing is, you want to be investing your time (AKA, you only have 24 hour each day, so make them count kind of thinking) in what matters most to you.

Deeply consider what you say yes to, and question yourself. Often people say yes for the short term gain but forget what happens long term. For example, saying yes to clients but they don’t have the challenges you’d love to serve. Or saying yes to doing things with a new partner even though it’s not aligned with who you are long term.

And when there’s uncertainty in your decision, even if only for a moment, take more time to think about your answer or say no. You’ll be grateful that you did.

If it’s a no for now, or no forever, consider having a referral network of people who can send people to. I have a handful of facilitators, practitioners, coaches that I refer to when I know I’m not the best coach for them.

It happened just last week when another Demartini Method Facilitator called asking for me to work with her granddaughter. I instantly felt in my body and mind ‘no.’ I then asked myself, ‘Who do I know that could help her?” And in my little black book I scanned with my mind, I knew it was Silvana LaPegna, the coach who coaches me, and intuitive genius, and that in my body and mind it felt a solid ‘yes.’

A few days later, Silvana let me know the sessions went really well and she has a new perspective and framework to view life, which I know I wouldn’t have been able to give her with my expertise.

So my no, was the success for the client.

No, it’s two little letters, but sometimes extremely hard to say. Learn when and when not to say ‘no’ for the success of not only your business, but your clients.

Here’s my gold nugget of wisdom to take with you today, “I was a yes girl when I first started my business. Say yes, and figure it out later. It took me years to finally start saying no to things that would take me away from my purpose and path. Time is the most valuable thing you have so make sure you invest it wisely.”

With gratitude,

 

Counsellor Cross

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on One and Group Coaching Available

“In your head, in your head
Zombie, zombie, zombie-ie-ie
What’s in your head? In your head?
Zombie, zombie, zombie-ie-ie-ie, oh”

I was in year 8 when this song was released in 1994. And it has been stuck in my head for a long time. Someone only needs to say “you’re in your head’ and this song pops in (see, it just happened to you too! – now sing it out loud. Ok. Ok. Let’s focus on the blog at hand).

Little did I know what was behind the lyrics until recently.

The song was written in response to the death of Johnathan Ball, 3, and Tim Parry, 12, who had been killed in the IRA bombing in Warrington, northwest England, when two devices hidden in litter bins were detonated.

Ball died at the scene of the bombing as a result of his shrapnel-inflicted injuries and, five days later, Parry died in his fathers arms in Liverpool‘s Walton hospital as a result of fatal head injuries. 56 others were injured, some seriously.

The two boys had gone shopping to buy Mother’s Day cards on one of the town’s busiest shopping streets (#pullontheheartstrings).

This is what Dolores O’Riordan wrote about writing “Zombie” the song in 2017.

“There were a lot of bombs going off in London and I remember this one time a child was killed when a bomb was put in a rubbish bin – that’s why there’s that line in the song, ‘A child is slowly taken’. We were on a tour bus and I was near the location where it happened, so it really struck me hard – I was quite young, but I remember being devastated about the innocent children being pulled into that kind of thing. So I suppose that’s why I was saying, ‘It’s not me’ – that even though I’m Irish it wasn’t me, I didn’t do it. Because being Irish, it was quite hard, especially in the UK when there was so much tension.”

Not only did she rise to fame because of this song but it changed alternative rock forever.

O’Riordan said ‘We were just a different type of a band… and we had a lot of our own ideas.’

It wasn’t easy either, there had been a battle over censorship and she had to fight with her record label to see the song even released (and she even gave up a sweet one million to work on another song instead of releasing Zombie).

She believed in the message from the song, she believed in the meaning behind what she wanted to share with the world.

Maybe because in her lyrics it says “And the violence caused such silence” and she didn’t want to be silenced anymore, no amount of money or others telling her no would do it.

“If I think something, I have to say it. And I really don’t care what anybody thinks.” O’Riordan said once in an interview.

Now, flash forward 18 years and if you check out Youtube, you’ll see that she has had over a billion views (For the geeks of the group, it’s 1,123,033,438 and counting).

No denying her message is not out there in the world. Undeniably she changed the music industry too.

It was quoted by some music industry guy ‘They insisted on being genuine, original innovators, crafting their own place in the ethos of alternative rock.’ And that led to a change in music forever.

All because of seeing something as tragic, it impacted her, and then using that as fuel for her craft her message to the world.

So, who else gets in their head that it blocks their inner wisdom and knowledge of the message to share?

I hear a lot of ‘hell yes.’

I love the question ‘what do you want?’ No, ‘what do you really want.’ (I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha), I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah).

Can’t help but talk about this guy as he knows what he wants. And that is Elon.

When he sold Paypal he had $180 million which he reinvested into SpaceX, SolarCity and Tesla. And he allocated half of it SpaceX and SolarCity. Thinking that was a lot of money, and allocated this for three flights, it took more time and more resources than he imagined.

He had to make a choice, put the rest of the money in, or the companies would die.

Anything innovative comes with a risk of failure. Big changes come with big potential outcomes.

If the outcome is inspiring enough to you, the risk is worth the while.

So he put all of the remaining money in and borrowed money from friends for rent.

Times have been challenging, discouraging and there has been a lot at stake.

But, what he is working on, he believes is important to the future of humanity.

What if what you were working on was that you believed in it so much that you were willing to have people go against you, to say no to you, to challenge you but you were unwavering?

Maybe it is sharing universal truths like me, maybe it is changing parenting styles, the health industry, the way people write their copy and connect with their clients.

And maybe you had a deeper message to share with the world.

What I know is you won’t find it being in your head. This little gem of wisdom is found in your heart.

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on One and Group Coaching Available

Hey {first_name},

(make sure you read to the end to find the surprise)

When people are uninspired, their mind becomes occupied with other things and they cannot find their A-game. They lack the get-up-and-go to make changes or even think of new ideas to spark a new path and new possibilities.

In the last 12 years as a leadership coach, counsellor and Demartini Method Facilitator, I’ve had many times I’ve lost my mojo, I put it somewhere and sure as hell couldn’t find it.

The first stage is, I didn’t even know it was missing. Then the next stage is a blinding flash of the obvious that comes into my mind. “I’m uninspired.”

We either berate ourselves (like this guy) or we push ourselves to become inspired again.

So, what do you do?

You could use some motivational quotes to get you through your week like a triple macchiato or this little kid can give you a pep talk (thank you very much).

Or you could give yourself an internal pep talk. Either way, it’s a short term fixing a bigger issue. And that bigger issue is this.

Are you ready for it? For the best results, consider this;

We’ve become very attached to the idea of inspiration as we have entangled it to mean success. If you don’t have that energy flowing through you, you’ve failed. It’s a dirty, great, big waste of life if you aren’t inspired by what you do.

Feeling what I am saying {first_name}?

And that attachment causes you suffering when you’re anything other than inspired.

Yes, let’s face it, you could be uninspired because you have to do low priority actions in business or you have challenging clients. Or perhaps you’re not making the impact or income you would love.

But tell me, have you ever pondered the downside of being inspired? I think not

Let me hit you up with some costs of inspiration. Your body’s ‘on’ and it is harder to sleep, less mental downtime to process, disconnection from the people around you because you’re laser-focused, not empowering other areas of life as the thing you’re focused on becomes the priority above all else, not to mention there is a fine line between inspired and wired, and something you aren’t sure where you are at.

On the other hand, there’s gold nuggets of wisdom to be uninspired, time to just be and rest, time for other areas of life, more present time with family, go back into learning mode, deeper thoughts on our human existence (yes, I have deep thoughts).

So if you are there right now, in that lull, in the hole, or just Numbflixing until the cows come home because you’re uninspired (and underneath all of this you would love things to change), maybe, just maybe, ask yourself “what is the downside of living an inspired life?”

And then just appreciate the ebbs and flows that come with business and life

No one I know is inspired all the time. That is why, at times, people come to me for coaching because they have lost their inspiration, struggling to love what they do like they used to.

You see, you have the idea, and at times require a little help to get the inspiration back online again.

Ain’t nothing wrong (or right) with that.

Now, besides being attached to the idea of inspiration, another kicker is that your vision is a little hazy. When you hit some kick-arse goals, and you’ve achieved what you set out to do, you can easily fall out of inspiration.

Continuing to set goals, creating new possibilities and stretching goals are vital to reinvigorate your inspiration once more, to get the juices flowing.

 

Tanya ‘keepin’ it real’ x
Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth
One on One and Group Coaching Available

P.S. I wanted to share what brings on my mojo again. It’s my secret sauce. That is, learning new things, challenging myself, stretching my abilities, and applying the Demartini Method. I get bucket loads of inspiration and opens the doors to new possibilities. How about you?

P.S.S. I heard from many clients over the last few months about their concerns about Covid, the government, vaccinations, the military, and more of being controlled, forced and creating a lot of brain noise on the topics. Surprise! ​IF you’re open, ready and willing to work through your emotions on these issues, we are running a Conquer Covid Course in the coming weeks. Register your interest here.

There’s a hierarchy of emotional charges within us.

Think of it as a barometer of your perceptions (or misperceptions) of the world around you.

Sad, depressed, despondent.
Annoyed, pissed off, f**king hell.
Dislike, despise, hate.
Grumpy, annoyed, angry.
Glad, happy, excited.
Like, infatuated, …
You get the picture.

Let’s unchecked and unresolved can build up inside that become bigger than Ben-Hur (yes, I was dragged to watch this epic movie at the Astor Theatre in Melbourne as a child).

Then, week in week out, month in month out, year in year out we are building charges that are mounting on top of us, building inside and we become like a landmine waiting to explode.

Your tolerance levels become less, your ability to manage yourself decreases, and when someone says “Hey, you didn’t (insert unloved statement here)’ and all the unloved baggage comes exploding to the surfaces AND comes down on them like a ton of bricks.

Do you know what I mean?!

Charges build up because of the stories we tell ourselves (great article on stories from a Professor of Sociology here. The punchline: we tell somewhat different stories to different people).

What is a typical story you tell yourself when you feel overwhelmed? ‘I’ll never get this done!’ ‘I can’t do this anymore!’ ‘This is too much to handle.’ Then you’re told to spend more time doing something you don’t understand and you’re told it’s essential to the make or break of your business, and bam – overwhelm moves to meltdown.

Or when you’re upset with your spouse because they aren’t prioritizing your relationship, they have shut down and are uncommunicative then they don’t put the bin liner in property and you put the kids leftover food in the bin and it falls off – and bam just pissed off is now f**king hell.

The interesting part about these stories is that they are just thoughts and thoughts are perceptions – and our perceptions are misperceptions. And thank god we have feelings because they are our best feedback mechanism to inform us of how off centre we are about the world around and within us.

If you think that it’s not possible to transform dynamics, people, experiences and your feelings, then this my friends is a time to step back. Its time to reflect and stop pushing those uncomfortable feelings down, saying ‘I’ll deal with it later’ or just plain ignoring them.

Remember that emotions cost.

• When you’re sad, that has a ripple effect to how you show up in business and influences potential clients or customers
• When you’re infatuated with a new client, it can attract resentment towards another old client
• When you’re beating yourself down for a financial ‘mistake’ and you’re head isn’t in work, you struggle with strategic planning and setting inspiring goals

And repressed emotions cost in life, it can affect not only your mind but your body too.

What is even more beautiful is that emotions are revealing of your inner world thinking.

• Anger: an unmet unrealistic expectation
• Excitement: seeing one side, all the positives and being blind to the downside
• Jealousy: the perception that someone else has something you aren’t perceiving within yourself
• Hurt: judgment of someone’s actions that then causes you to feel hurt
• Depressed: comparing your past/someone else’s life and yours don’t match the ideal

I could go on. Your feelings are feedback to give you a glimpse into the psyche of your mind.

And if you don’t make conscious choices to balance your misperceptions, then someone else will have to do it for you (that is, when you’re not dealing with issues, expect the world to force you to deal with them. #lovinguniverse).

The thing that makes a difference in how we feel or what happens is the quality of our questions and the quality of our answers. Asking quality questions helps to shift your perspective to get you back into balance, and you’ll be more governed by how you choose to react with them.

Life is for you to decide.

And life can be transformed with just one question. Feelings can fade (and completely dissolve) with a handful of meaningful answers.

We too often forget we are the captain of our soul and the master of our destiny. And that small effort done consistently is where we see massive results.

So what if you did the small repeated efforts of answering one quality question every day to dissolve a dynamic and have more gratitude to help you reset and get back on track to growing your business, leadership and life?

Kind of like thinking if you go to the gym once a year, it will get you a rocking hot body?!

I think not.

Then how to be self-governed, dissolving emotions if we don’t practice it every week?

That’s wanting the results with the work that wasn’t done (#realityslap).

Or it is expecting (unrealistically mind you) that people ‘should’ be kinder, more understanding, do what you ask the first time.

One of the objectives at Maximum Growth is to learn to apply the Demartini Method to dissolve emotions and get you back on track again (not to mention getting you a serious ROI on your self-education).

And that is why we have weekly classes for you, so week in week out, month in, month out, to change your questions, change your answers, and change your life. Click on the link to find out more (and if you’re already in the community – keep up the great (inner) work).

You see, I envision a world in which leaders growing themselves to grow their business, who are embracing inspiring challenges that serve humanity, and managing greater levels of accountability and responsibility, where leaders continually level up.

And that’s about changing the mental monologue in your mind, dealing with the hierarchy of emotional charge within us.

Come and get a boss level mind makeover in class.

With love and gratitude,

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth: One on One & Group Coaching Available

“I find myself having nothing to say. I don’t know what to talk to people about. I don’t know what to post on social media. I have nothing to say.”

Ever felt that way {first_name}?

The first response is what I want to say, or the difficulty in finding a meaningful thought to share with the world rather than the problem behind the problem of why you felt that way in the first place.

Too often, when we’re faced with something difficult, perhaps business is going down, challenges in work dynamics, or even uncertainty in the future, and we look to the immediate problem as the priority.

Yes, there are some immediate things we can do to solve a problem like strategies Forbes offered this article (and that’s great if you want the one-sided positive thinking and #warmfuzzyfeelings, which are only a temporary fix).​

But what if there was a deeper, more pressing issue that you’re not seeing.

For example, you’re walking with a limp, and you focus on the limp (ouch, that’s painful) without realising you have a blister on your right foot that’s grown to the size of Tasmania, creating the limp – get my point.

So take a moment and peek behind the curtains to see what I call the problem is behind the problem. (Go on, you might be fascinated with what you find.)

Here are some examples:

Client 1:

Immediate Problem: “I find myself having nothing to say. I don’t know what to talk to people about. I don’t know what to post on social media, I have nothing to say.” (this is what a client said on Sunday evening to me).

Problem Behind The Problem: “I’m depressed, down, and I don’t want to show up that way, and that is because I have unrealistic expectations of myself to be a certain type of way in public, and that is hard work, so it is easier to say nothing.”

Demartini Method Solution: The highest priority action step you can take is to list how you are ‘supposed’ to show up in public? What are the drawbacks of each item on your list? Keep asking yourself until you now perceive equal drawbacks to the benefits of demonstrating that to the world to yourself and others. Ie. “I have to be happy and bubbly.” Drawbacks are fake, not realistic, not how I feel sometimes, as some examples.

(p.s. Just in case you haven’t heard, the Demartini Method was created by Dr. John Demartini (founder of the Demartini Institute) and is presented in his signature program, The Breakthrough Experience. It’s a systematic procedure and personal transformation methodology as an effective means to solving problems and dissolving emotions).

Client 2:

Immediate Problem: “I want to grow my finances but I keep having challenges with the few clients I do have and they are not paying their invoices and this creates extreme anxieties.”

Problem Behind The Problem: “I don’t deserve to keep the money I earn.”

Demartini Method Solution: The highest priority action step you can take is to list all the things you have done that make you feel undeserving of money. What are the benefits of each item on your list? Keep asking yourself until you now perceive equal benefits to drawbacks to yourself and others. Ie. “I borrowed money from a friend and never paid it back.” Benefits to them are … and check out last week’s blog on finances to get you thinking.

Client 3:

Immediate Problem: “I’m having challenges in my relationship, we argue ALOT, and it is taking my mind off of business.”

Problem Behind The Problem: “I’m definitely infatuated with business and business growth. I love what I do and most of my energy goes there.”

Demartini Method Solution: The highest priority action step you can take is to take work off the pedestal to bring the relationship out of the pit. What are the drawbacks of putting a lot of my focus at work? What are the drawbacks of work? Until you know you are certain there are drawbacks and benefits to working and being focused on work.

No, there’s not always, every time, at every moment a deeper underlying issue (we don’t defy universal laws with ‘always’ peeps), but it pays to dig a little deeper. The reason is that you can dissolve surface tension but if the blister on your foot is not addressed, then the problem may continue to rear its head again.

It is possible to have a deep breakthrough experience by going deeper.

So take a moment now,

pause, take a breath, and think of one challenge you face in business, in leadership or life, and do some digging.

What is really going on? Is the inverse of what you’re wanting creating the current challenge? Is it related to your family dynamic? Have you seen this pattern before in another area of life?

Notice what you notice. What did you uncover? I’d love to hear from you {first_name}.

If you want to shift low self-esteem, depression, lacking clarity in your vision, any problem you are faced with, then there is a determined series of mental questions that can help you to perceive a greater intelligence to your experience and see a bigger purpose in life. You’ll see the real truth of our nature hidden in the problem behind the problem.

So take the time to seek a deeper solution by finding the problem behind the problem. And if you want to geek out and apply the Demartini Method with a Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator, then come join Maximum Growth, a community of other leaders with a bigger purpose and use this powerful process to create an impact and income that is meaningful.

See you on the inside,

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth: One on One & Group Coaching Available

P.S. Little plug for Dr John Demartinis signature program Breakthrough Experience. If you are looking at the deeper psychology behind the Demartini Method, how to dissolve positive thinking ( because that is what creates negative experiences) and just more of Dr Demartni’s teachings, then Dr. Demartini’s legendary Breakthrough Experience (Saturday morning session is worth it in itself).

One thing that is clear in my mind is that I was not prepared for life. At 18, I moved two states away from my family and lacked an understanding of what adulting was all about.

Shortly after venturing out into the world on my own, I was in the kitchen with some eggs in hand, water on the stove, and had no idea what to do (pre Google days peeps!). I rang my sister, “Tash, how do I boil an egg?”

(yes, I hang my head in shame. . .)

If I couldn’t even feed myself, how the hell was I supposed to manage my money, let alone grow it?

Yes, I left school and transitioned into the school of hard knocks (and some severe uppercuts). It wasn’t long before I had no income, no money in my account and was going to the Salvation Army for food and essentials to survive.

My thoughts were a hand to mouth money mindset and having a millionaire mindset didn’t even cross my mind.

It wasn’t until I read the One Minute Millionaire, and aimed to be a millionaire, that it destroyed my finances. Let me explain {first_name}.

You might be surprised to know that many people who have earned millions of dollars during their entire working life end up spending all their money and have very little savings. Some have chosen a lifestyle now over savings for the future.

Let’s break it down;

If you earned, on average, $100,000 per year over a 30-year period, that’s $3,000,000. And that is being conservative, as most people earn more money every year, and their income tends to rise as their level of expertise grows.

If you started with $100,000 in savings and added $10,000 to saving each year, with a 6% return over 30 years, you’re looking at $1,467,038.

See, a millionaire’s mindset destroys your financial future.

Millionaire status is easy to achieve and with little risk and investing. And you set the bar too low.

I, like many other people, was never taught how to think about money, nor even believe what could be possible.

Currently in Australia,

More than average wealth looks like this:
Median net worth: $558,800
Money in the bank: $30,800
Value of shares: $3800
Value of private trust: $1,300
Value of super fund: $112,900
Average Weekly Income Before-tax: $2,216

Less than average wealth
Median net worth: $31,500
Money in the bank: $6,500
Value of shares: N/A
Value of private trust: N/A
Value of super fund: $17,200
Average Weekly Income Before-tax: $1,260

Geek out here or if you want a broader view according to your own generation, check this out.

This isn’t to get comparisonitis {first_name}, it is to see it is collective thinking about money that influences people’s net worth. And something has to change.

And change has to start within you first.

So here are my top three tips to apply today to help you to shift your money mindset;

1. You can earn all the money in the world, but if you don’t believe you deserve it, you ain’t keeping it, my friend. Deserve isn’t something you spontaneously feel or don’t feel, it can be created by shifting your internal thinking. So let’s start with a dirty laundry list. Make a long list of everything you feel shameful or guilty about, either what you have done or not done, whether it is public or private. When you have the list, start working away on this by asking yourself the Demartini Method question in Column 10 and Column 14, which is about the benefits of what happened to you and others (column 10), and the drawbacks to you and others if it had been the opposite way (column 14). An example is me finding the benefits to myself of not knowing how to cook an egg at 18, and the drawbacks if I did know to dissolve the shame and love myself for what I didn’t know. It is powerful to appreciate what happened and dissolve your misperceptions. As you dissolve shame and guilt, you’ll notice an increase in your deserve levels.
2. Most financial experts recommend saving up to six months worth of living expenses in a savings account in case you need it immediately to take care of a job loss or other emergency. In addition to an emergency fund, this doesn’t include setting aside the money you may need to send your children to university or college, holidays or medical expenses. Create a separate account for your emergency fund so that you have security if something happens, you can ride it out. The benefit in your mind is that you aren’t stressed about money and live week to week, but have a cushion behind you just in case you fall (your butt will thank you for the soft landing when you’ve kicked your butt into gear and saved this money).
3. Now, let’s get down to business, it’s time for you to awaken the light within and set a stretch goal for your finances. Think about what you’d love to achieve in a lifetime, and stretch it, make it uncomfortable but not unbelievable. And come back every year and adjust it accordingly.

 

Believe. Conceive. Achieve.

It starts on the inside of you {first_name}.

And remember, you’re born to live up to the light within you. And maybe that is bigger than you ever thought possible.

See you on the inside,

 

Leadership Coach
Counsellor & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
Maximum Growth: Private & Group Coaching Available

Ever felt like a fraud? That you don’t know enough and are less of an expert than others perceive you to be?

In 62 studies, with over 14,161 participants, the prevalence rates of impostor syndrome varied widely from 9% to 82% largely depending on the screening tool and cutoff used to assess the symptoms. You can geek out on the stats here.

What was discovered was, Impostor Syndrome was common among both men and women and across a range of age groups (adolescents to late-stage professionals). Impostor syndrome is often linked with depression and anxiety and is associated with impaired job performance, job satisfaction, and burnout. (And that’s because how we view ourselves has a ripple effect on all other aspects of our life.)

Impostor Syndrome is also seen in people who challenge themselves, like CEOs and entrepreneurs, who find themselves with a feeling of being fraud or fake since they’re in a state of ongoing growth and discomfort.

I hear this with new business owners who are learning a new skill AND building a business who are driving changes in their business strategy, shifting their services or ideal target clients. Thoughts in their heads say “you’ll never be able to do this!” or “how can you charge money for something you have not yet mastered yourself?”

Now, no matter where you’re at in your career, most people have felt this way on the journey. I felt this when I was at the beginning of my journey as a Demartini Method Facilitator. I thought, ‘why would people listen to me, and what I have to say?’ and I even felt I didn’t have anything important to say anyway.

The imposter mindset is demonstrated by feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, manifesting in the continual questioning of one’s own competence. It’s thinking you’re not intelligent enough to do the work, you’re not an expert and you worry people will eventually find out how much you don’t know and see straight through you, like being caught with your pants down kind-of-moment.

(Oh!!! Flashback to my grade 3 end of year production where I’m wearing a cowgirl outfit in front of the entire school and I had a wardrobe malfunction, and my pants fell off – no imposter syndrome there, only fully exposed and real).

Let’s go deeper with Imposter Syndrome because it is deeper than the thoughts you think, it is perfect feedback to let you know you’re not living up to the light within you. You’re slowly snuffing your own flame out. You’re slowly dying inside.

So let’s cover the top three impostor syndrome dynamics and more importantly, what to do to shift this sucker;

1. I am not a real expert.

When you say to yourself you’re not a real expert, you believe you don’t know enough. The void of not knowing is so great, that you minimise yourself, and, as a byproduct, play down what you do know.

Another definition of Imposter Syndrome is “a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in the face of information that indicates that the opposite is true.”

You’re not seeing your wealth of wisdom within. You focus on the unknown information rather than the known information. You know more than you realise.

Gold Nugget Of Wisdom: Focus on what you do know while beavering away in the background mastering your skills and knowledge. Spending time with others who know more than you, soak up their wisdom while watching someone with a greater level of mastery. And it is the small steps, acted on repeatedly that will raise your expertise.

Apply The Demartini Method: Go to a moment you perceived yourself to not know enough. And ask this powerful question, how did it serve yourself (and anyone else who was there) that, in that moment, you didn’t know enough? (This is column 10 of the Demartini Method) Keep asking and answering until you are certain it was both a help and hinderance to you to not know enough.

2. People know more than me.

Yes, this is true. So untruths were detected there. People do know more than you and this is true at any level of knowledge.

Some people think that everyone else has something they don’t and that they are or won’t be at the same level. They’re not playing small and minimise what they know or don’t know but to people around them. They think of themselves as an impostor, not qualified to do anything but sit in the background and take notes.

The more you minimise yourself to others, the more you minimise to more people, the greater the imposter syndrome you’ll have as you’re squishing your own light and love to share with the world.

Gold Nugget Of Wisdom: Remember, you spot it, you got it! Yes, the world is your mirror. So ask yourself where and when you have displayed expertise or knowledge in the same or similar way as the people around you. And ask and answer this repeatedly until you wake up within your expertise. And watch yourself level up.

Apply The Demartini Method: Make a long list of everything you do know (this is column 12 of the Demartini Method) until you realise that you’re a freakin’ genius and have a lot fo share with the world.

3. I’ll be exposed as a fraud.

People with Impostor Syndrome think “who am I to do this?” and “Why would anyone listen to me?” They can feel like they stop themselves from trying something new in business for fear of being exposed as a fraud.

This is a deeper issue. It is not just about being exposed, but they’re also saying they don’t deserve success. It’s an internal sense of doubting their own ability, expertise and disbelieving they can be successful.

Now, what is interesting, if we go down the rabbit hole to find the problem under the problem, doubting their own ability can be because of two factors.

Overly high standards can lead to an inability to see and appreciate your expertise, leading to feeling more like a fraud and not deserving success.

Striving to be a perfectionist (the unrealistic one-sided perfection) leads people to feel disappointed and not acknowledge their successes, however small.

This, when left unchecked and unbalanced, over time can lead to more feelings of self-criticism and low self-esteem. Again, another ripple effect onto other areas of life because you then compare yourself more to others, which leads to greater imposter syndrome thoughts.

Gold Nugget Of Wisdom: I can’t go past this without bringing in universal law. When you attach to a one-sided world, it draws in the counterbalanced nightmare. When you want so desperately a one-sided world, you suffer more. If you attach to being an expert and knowing, if you must have what you deliver to your clients as perfect, no mistakes, no errors, then you’ll be living in a one-sided illusion. Look for the drawbacks of each of these until you crack the fantasy and pop the bubble.

Apply The Demartini Method: When you doubt your own ability, expertise and disbelieving you can be successful, more often than not there is an entangled fantasy of being ‘successful.’ You want to be seen as an expert in the field. Like everything, it has it’s downside too. To dissolve this dynamic, go to a moment you perceived yourself to not be an expert. Ask the question if in that moment you had perceived yourself as an expert, what would have been the drawback in that moment and from that moment onwards (this is column 14 of the Demartini Method. Crack any illusion that the opposite would have been better.

Time to shake off the shackles of your misperceptions, and remember you’re not bound to succeed, you’re bound to live up to the light within you.

Shine bright,

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
Maximum Growth: Private & Group Coaching Available

27 year old me was so naive.

Allow me to set the scene for you:

I’m at this hole-in-the-wall Greek Restaurant called Estia’s with my sister Natasha and her friend. I’m feeling like Tanya 2.0 after a life-changing personal development seminar a few months before.

And Ella (the friend) shares with me that she has cancer.

She says it casually enough that I responded in my usual style – i.e. with helpful insight and without fluff:

“Cancer is caused by black and white thinking.”

Can tell you straight up: this is how you lose friends and influence no one. I doubt even Mary Poppin’s spoonful of sugar would have helped our dearest Ella swallow my life-advice pill.

She was shocked.

Natasha was eyes-bugging, splotchy red cheek mad at me. “How dare you speak to my friend like that??!! You have no idea how tough this is for her!!” (Shouty capitals and colourful word choices not included.)

I tell ya, {first_name}. We put on a show that Estia’s hosts could have charged for and Netflix would have turned into a mega hit drama.

Side note: Natasha and I never fought. I know this is extreme language but we never disagreed, raised our voices, cat scratched each other… our entire life.

I loved her (still do) and by this point I had realised that most of my friends just weren’t on the same page as me.

They just didn’t care about personal growth or other cool stuff that I did – like doing what you love and making moolah (AKA lots of money) from it. Or getting to talk about deep stuff and explore the mysteries of human behaviour and the universe. I hadn’t found another new circle where I could jive and nerd out on personal development stuff yet. Or even other people to help me understand this new perspective on life.

Even so, Natasha was one of the only people who I still loved hanging around.

We didn’t speak for months after our big fat greek cat fight. So of course I felt even more lonely and misunderstood.

Looking back, it was my own doing really. When I first started delving into personal development, I tried hard to stay connected with my old life.

But New And Expanded Tanya (with her growth mindset) didn’t fit in with the friendships I had before.

Turns out, casting your pearls of wisdom before your non-personal-development friends ask for them does not make a long-lasting relationship.

It does make life lonely though.

You can probably relate. You learn an insight that moves you and changes your life. You want to share that with the people you love, thinking they’ll be as profoundly shifted as you. But they don’t get it. Or they don’t care. Or worse, they think you’re attacking them. (I call upon the feta & olive Gods as witness to this fact.)

So people drop off. You drift from one friend circle to another but never really click. And it gets lonely, fast.

But the truth is, no matter how far along the journey you are, you’re going to grow faster than others. And at each new level, it gets harder to find people who think like you.

Expanded minds are rare, {first_name}. Especially if the only place you congregate is expensive seminars two or three times a year, like we all used to back in the day.

And The ‘Rona has influenced our ability to connect socially in the land of online seminars.

But fear not.

You have now found where the rest of us hang out. You’ve found your peeps!

So welcome to Maximum Growth Community.

Whether you are a member, a past member, a contemplating being a member or just on the sidelines, we have our Students of Wisdom Facebook group. Connect with other self-growers like you and come to a higher level of understanding together.

This group is a chance for you to share your thoughts, your presence and your wisdom (or just lurk and listen if that’s more your style.)

Consider this your invitation to the Greek Restaurant conversation that could have been.

I’d love to see you on the inside there and have your unique voice in the room, {first_name}.

And send this along to anyone who you think would make a great student of wisdom, too. If they’re like you, at all, they’re welcome in our world.

Can’t wait to dive into more deep discussions with you!

Have a beautiful week,

 

Leadership Coach
Counsellor & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
Maximum Growth: Private & Group Coaching Available

PS – Margaret Mead famously said, “never underestimate the power of a small group of people to change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” We are tiny but mighty together.