Your hidden relationship pattern

Tanya Cross on November 25, 2023

Once upon a time, in a quaint little town, there lived a woman named Sarah. She was vibrant and intelligent and valued her relationships. 

 

Yet, Sarah had a way of approaching relationships that often left her feeling lost and unfulfilled.

 

Sarah was the kind of person who believed that her happiness hinged on her partner being there with her. She couldn’t help but rely heavily on them for reassurance and a sense of security. This made her relationships feel like a rollercoaster, with moments of euphoria followed by sharp drops of anxiety.

 

One day, Sarah’s close friend Jake sat her down for a heart-to-heart conversation. “Sarah,” he said gently, “It’s wonderful to value your partner, but don’t forget to nurture your own sense of self. It can help break the cycle of emotional dependence.”

 

Sarah’s trust issues had her worrying that her partner would abandon her for someone else. She found herself feeling suspicious whenever her partner spent time with friends, family, or anyone close to them. Paranoia was high. It was like a never-ending loop of jealousy and insecurity.

 

Sarah’s sister, Jane, offered her some valuable insight. “Sarah,” she said, “Every healthy relationship requires you to work on your own pain point that you bring into the relationship that is interfering with having closeness. Which is the very thing you want.’

 

Sarah yearned to hear that she was loved, appreciated, and valued by her partner. Without these external actions, she often spiralled into feelings of emptiness and sadness.

 

Sarah was inherently demanding when it came to her relationships. She craved her partner’s attention and affection. Whenever she was alone with her partner, she felt uneasy, and if her needs weren’t met, she would explode in frustration.

 

During the session, we explored this fear of someone leaving her, when she wanted to be chosen. Be the number one. Where does it stem from?

 

Digging deep down, it was her mother. Her mother chose God over her. And so then she clung so tightly to her partner for fear of abandonment, and that not being chosen. 

 

Emotional charges, left unresolved, create a hypervigilant state. This is where the individual monitors her partner’s every move, searching for any signs of disappointment or anger. Seeking a confirmation bias of affirming what they felt as a child being projected into the adult relationship.  

 

This led her to adopt a pattern of people-pleasing to avoid conflict. 

 

In the journey of Sarah’s life, she learned that recognizing these patterns was the first step towards healthier relationships. Becoming aware is the beginning of change. 

 

QUESTIONS OF GROWTH

  1. Reflect on your own relationship dynamic (or if you are single, choose a family member, friend or business dynamic), what is the underlying dynamic, and where it stems from (eg. Sarah – relationship dynamic of people please, avoid conflict, fear of abandonment – that stemmed from a mother’s wound.)

What is it for you? I’m curious. Feel free to hit reply and tell me your story.

 

 

Just like Sarah, we all have our unique relationship dynamics to navigate. 

 

Navigating the seas of relationships requires not just sailing together but exploring the uncharted depths beneath the surface. Explore the very charges that are hazing and interfering with truly being and loving ourselves and our spouse. 

 

By understanding these patterns and actively working on the deeper layers of the problem under the problem, we can create fulfilling relationships. 

 

Tanya “Heart Open” Cross

 

Leadership Coach & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

BAppSoSc (Counselling)

Maximum Growth

 

P.S.📅 SYDNEY BREAKTHROUGH EXPERIENCE 2024 📅

 

Save the date for SYDNEY BREAKTHROUGH EXPERIENCE 2024 on May 25th & 26th! 🥳 Use our link to join and be part of our BONUS event on May 27th at 8 pm Sydney time. We’re giving away the entire referral fee collected! Share love with friends and family—whether you’re a refresher or a new attendee, it’s for everyone. Can’t wait to see you there! 🤗

 

Navigating Survival Mode: The Mental and Emotional Burden on Money and Business

Tanya Cross on November 18, 2023

In the journey of life, we all face moments when we find ourselves in survival mode. 


Maybe because there isn’t a steady stream of work, you’re financially under pressure, or you are on the verge of a relationship breakdown. 


These challenging times can be emotionally and mentally draining, often casting a shadow on your financial well-being and business endeavours. 


As a coach, it’s essential to understand and address the intricate interplay between the mental and emotional burden of survival mode and its impact on money and business. 


Today, I thought it would be important to delve into these aspects and explore strategies and questions to help both you and your clients weather the storm.


Understanding Survival Mode:

We have all experienced survival mode, where you feel heightened stress and anxiety which is triggered by various life challenges. Maybe for you, it is a lack of clients, loss of inspiration, or feeling burnt out.


This mode often leads to a fight-flight-freeze response, where you prioritize immediate survival over long-term goals. 


The Mental and Emotional Toll:

 Let’s address what actually happens in your mind and body during this period of time. 


Survival mode can be mentally exhausting. Constantly worrying about making ends meet or the future of one’s business can lead to high levels of stress and anxiety. Sleepless nights, hiding away from the world. Struggling to concentrate. 


Clients in survival mode may struggle with thought patterns, such as self-doubt, fear, and hopelessness. These emotions can make it difficult to see opportunities or make rational decisions. It is also challenging to switch them off unless you have tools and techniques to help. 


Prolonged survival mode can take a toll on mental health, potentially leading to depression, burnout, or other psychological issues. Coming back from this point takes a. Lot. of. Work. Sometimes it’s easier to catch it and work on it before it gets to this point. 


The Burden on Money and Business:


Financial worries often intensify during survival mode. Clients may face income loss, mounting debt, or uncertainty about the viability of their business. That can then lead to questioning everything. 


Fear and uncertainty can lead to decision fatigue or decision paralysis in both personal and business matters. Clients may avoid making necessary financial choices, hindering progress and growth. Maybe it isn’t decision paralysis but just decision fatigue but this has an impact on change.


Survival mode can also strain personal relationships, as the stress from financial and emotional burdens spills over into interactions with all our relationships.


COACHING STRATEGIES

As a coach, I am surprised how many coaches don’t have basic financial literacy skills. These skills help you to make informed decisions during tough times. I’d encourage everyone in business to learn about budgeting, debt management, and long-term financial planning. 


Challenge thought patterns and help you to reframe their perspectives. Check out the questions of growth for what specific questions to ask. 


Lean on your support systems. That’s why we have classes each and every week of the year so that you can lean on us during stressful times, so we can help you get back inspired and energised about business. 


QUESTIONS OF GROWTH

  1. What is it specifically that is creating you to perceive survival?

  1. How does what you listed in question 1, serve you? Keep asking until you are certain the benefits and drawbacks are equal. 


These questions will begin to shift your mind from survival to thriving. And from the fight-flight-fright response to more long-term vision for your business and your life. 


We can sometimes stay stuck in this perpetual loop of survival, and it takes work to get you thinking differently. However, it takes energy and effort to survive.


So what would you prefer to do? The work to stay the same or the work to shift your thinking?

The Breakthrough Experience: Lessons Learned from The Breakthrough Experience

Tanya Cross on November 12, 2023

Last weekend I embarked on a whirlwind adventure, spanning 31 hours of travel, to immerse myself in the transformative The Breakthrough Experience with Dr. John Demartini. 

 

You might be wondering, “Why go to such lengths for just 22 hours in a room?” 

 

Well, as they say, sometimes you have to go the extra mile to smash through your growth ceilings blocking you from growing because…

 

A static state stifles the seeds of evolution. 

 

And deep down, I have the drive to evolve (you might relate?!). 

 

But I could feel stagnation creeping into my life, a subtle sense of plateauing in my personal and professional journey. 

 

The application of the Demartini Method in an intensely concentrated period of time has a way of shifting me, there and then and seeing the results, fast.

 

I see changes in my internal thinking, my business, my finances, and my relationships. 

 

As I navigated through the challenges of flight cancellations, airport sprints and 1 am wake-up calls, I clung to Demartini’s wisdom: “In every challenge, there is an opportunity.”

 

Entering the room filled with anticipation, like a kid on the eve of your birthday, knowing you have a new year ahead and wondering what life will be like at the new phase. 

 

One of the statements he made on the first day that still echoes in my mind is, “The moment you decide to master your time and attention, your life will change.”  

 

(funny – as we had worked on mastering priorities in our Business Class the week before, so it was a perfect message that aligned with our group learning)

 

The weekend challenged my perspectives, pushing me to reassess my priorities and redefine the areas where I invested my time and my energy.

 

As Richard Brandson says, ‘Time is the new money.’ But it is ‘time and energy is the new money.’

 

You can have a lot of time, and no energy, a lot of energy and no time. Both combined – wow!

 

It became clear that breaking through stagnation meant aligning my actions with my true values, fueling a renewed sense of purpose.

 

What is it that I truly value, and what is my true vision? Where do I really want to take my life over the next decade and beyond?

 

As he reminded us often, “The quality of your life is based upon the quality of the questions you ask.” 

 

Asking myself some uncomfortable and powerful questions helped me to get crystal clear about what I want, what i really, really want. (I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah).

 

I left The Breakthrough Experience with a new fire in my belly.

 

And isn’t it beautiful that when you make a decision, the people who are not aligned fall away, the people who are aligned, magnetise you? 

 

So, was it crazy to embark on a 31-hour pilgrimage for a mere 22 hours in a room? 

 

Yes, if it means more inspiration to share with you, I’d do it again next week.

 

What are you prepared to do to set a goal and sail?

 

If you would love to be aligned with your goals for 2024, then find out more details here.

 

Relationships Unveiled Part 4 of 4: Navigating the Labyrinth of Workplace Relationships

Tanya Cross on November 4, 2023

The workplace, with its intricate web of professional relationships, is a microcosm of human interactions. Just as children reflect our inner landscapes, siblings uncover our unresolved past, and intimate partners reveal our shadow selves, colleagues and superiors in the workplace bring forth their own unique dynamics. 

 

This is our last week of exploring the multifaceted world of Relationships Unveiled. Today, we explore workplace relationships, offering insights and strategies for personal growth and fulfilment.

 

The Workplace Mirror: Reflecting Professional Identities

Your workplace colleagues often serve as mirrors, reflecting back our professional identities. Our interactions with them reveal our communication styles, leadership qualities, and collaborative skills. 

 

Management guru Peter Drucker says, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” Learning to read between the lines and use your intuition to check in with reading the room. 

 

Navigating Colleague Relationships:

Workplace relationships serve as a way to grow yourself. Constructive feedback is a powerful tool for personal and professional development. Embracing feedback as a means to grow can lead to stronger workplace relationships.

 

Plus, it is an opportunity to build a network of professional relationships can open doors to mentorship and growth. Especially if you are a coach and you are working on your own most of the time, having mentors and role models can guide you, share their experiences, and help you navigate your business.

 

Leadership Dynamics

Supervisors and managers hold a unique position in the workplace ecosystem. They not only guide the team but also influence its dynamics. Leadership qualities, both positive and negative, can have a profound impact on the work environment and employee morale.

 

But as a coach, you might not have someone to supervise you. As a psychologist, a doctors, most healthcare workers have supervisors. But coaches do no. Finding a coach who can supervise you, who can share their knowledge, guide you, and help you with your own self-care is essential as a leader. 

 

With leadership comes influence. In the workplace, you have the opportunity to initiate and guide change. You can influence your community, clients and your colleagues. 

 

In workplace relationships, success lies in self-awareness, effective communication, and leadership skills. By recognizing that colleagues and superiors serve as mirrors reflecting our professional identities, as we navigate relationships and step into our leadership, we can use our workplace relationships as a means for growth and influence. 

 

As philosopher Confucius wisely noted, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” 

In the workplace, setbacks and challenges are opportunities for growth and learning. Embracing these opportunities, and harnessing the power of workplace relationships, can lead to a fulfilling career journey.

 

Remember that each relationship is a stepping stone on the path to personal and professional development. By nurturing these connections, you can not only excel in your career but also contribute to a positive and thriving community and culture.

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